Devon Monk - Magic to the Bone

The bus finally dropped me off a few blocks from my apartment.

I decided not to go home yet, so I turned the corner toward Get Mugged, which was down another five blocks.

Someone was following me.

Dawn spread dove wings across bruised cloud bellies, lending the day some light, but not enough for the streetlamps to switch off. The city was waking up, streets and sidewalks more crowded, but not so crowded that I could easily lose my pursuer. I stopped on a corner to wait for traffic and to try to get a better look at the guy on my tail. Shorter than me, stocky. Dressed in a practical coat, knit hat, jeans, running shoes. At first I thought it might be Marty Pike, the ex-marine who Hounds for the cops. Then the wind shifted and my follower moved. I got a whiff of him—just the lightest scent of baby powder and soap, and beneath that, the peppery stink of lavender. I was being stalked by a woman.

Interesting.

The light changed and I crossed into traffic. I could lead her on a chase, maybe trap her down the end of an alley and then ask her why she was following me. I could walk to the police station and report her. Hell, I could get a cab, go to the cops, and fill out a report about her, and one about my father and Boy all in one easy trip.

But unless she got up in my face for some reason, there really wasn’t much to report about her. And I needed a cup of coffee like nobody’s business.

Lovely morning. The snap of cold air on my face, the sound of birds in the trees, the gut-wrenching joy of being stalked. It was great to be me.

The next three blocks went by quickly. I kept an eye on her without being obvious about it, but she was good. I saw her once, then lost track of her at the next crosswalk. Maybe she realized she was tailing the wrong woman. Why would anyone want to follow me around anyway?

Zayvion had followed me. If he were telling the truth, he was no longer on payroll. Maybe this was the new girl on the job. Why my father felt the need to know every step I took was beyond me. I wished he would drop dead and leave me alone.

The wind pushed between tall buildings and I caught a whiff of dark roast. Get Mugged was just a few shops away and I put a little extra length into my stride. Just let me get coffee. One cup. After coffee I would take care of everything. I’d report my dad, report my stalker, contact my landlord about the late rent, and get a train ticket to Nola’s. Maybe I’d even call my dad and tell him once again, and firmly, to leave me alone.

Just ahead was a newspaper stand, and I considered blowing a couple of bucks on a magazine to read while I drank coffee and let my stalker cool off. That sounded like a fabulous idea. But as I came near the stand, near enough to read the newspaper headlines, my ears began to ring, my vision narrowed down to a hazy tunnel, and suddenly everyone around me seemed to be moving in really slow motion.

All I could see were blocks of black letters across the tops of the newspapers: DANIEL BECKSTROM FOUND DEAD. BECKSTROM ENTERPRISES CEO MURDERED. INVENTOR OF BECKSTROM STORM RODS DEAD.

Shock is a strange thing. It’s a little like dreaming about breathing underwater. I could hear the noise of the city around me. I could feel the press and push of people walking too close to me. I even watched as a man casually picked up a paper that outlined my father’s death, read the front of it, and dropped it back on the stand. A flash of hatred that he could be so callous, that he could look at something like that and just throw it away like it didn’t matter hit me. I knew I was in shock, knew I wasn’t moving, wasn’t thinking straight.

And all I could think was: so this is what it feels like to have a parent die. I didn’t think it would hurt so much. I didn’t think I would feel so empty so quickly. I didn’t think I’d feel much of anything when he died, since I didn’t like him very much and didn’t love him either, right?

Then why did so much of me ache?

Move, Allie, I told myself. So I moved. Forward. To the newsstand. I dug in my pocket and bought a newspaper. My hands were shaking so hard the man at the stand gave me a strange look. I tried to smile, but my teeth were chattering.

“Cold,” I mumbled.

He handed me change. I put that in my pocket, almost forgot to take the paper with me, tugged it off the counter, and stepped back into the flow of the crowd. I went blank for a couple seconds. Someone brushed past me, bumped my elbow, and I got moving again. Down the street. To Get Mugged, because I could not think of what else to do. I stopped outside the wood-and-glass door and the smell of coffee was suddenly too much, too strong, too sour, and I thought I might puke if I had to walk in there.

I wanted to go away. Wanted to go somewhere where someone could explain to me why my father was dead.

A woman pushed the door open from the inside and I had to step back to let her out. The practical part of my mind took over, caught the door. I walked in and sat at a table in the back where I could watch the door.

Sitting was good. Really good. I kept my coat on, and my backpack. It was hot in the little brick shop; the coffee roaster must have just finished its job. The air was thick and moist with the heat and overcooked smell of roasted beans. Even so, I was shaking cold. I put the paper on the table. I turned it over so I couldn’t see the headline. That was worse. The bottom half of the paper was filled with pictures of my father, dressed in his business suit and smiling. I could almost imagine his voice, low, encouraging. You’ve had your fun, Allie. There is still a place for you in this company. Come home.

My throat tightened and hurt. But it was as much from anger as sorrow. How could he die on me? Why? Why now?

Come on, Allie, I said to myself. Pull it together. You’re a tough chick. You can take it. People die every day.

People die, sure. But not my dad. Never my dad.

I left the paper on the table and got myself over to the counter to order coffee. The girl behind the bar was bristling with multicolored piercings, including the one through her left eyebrow that had some sort of light worked into it and changed from blue to pink every time she blinked.

“What can I get you?” she asked.

“Coffee, black, with a shot of espresso.” My voice sounded a little low, a little soft. It was like I couldn’t breathe, like maybe I’d swallowed a whole bag of cotton balls and they had filled up my lungs and stuck in my throat. I cleared my throat, handed her money, and picked up the steaming mug at the far end of the counter.

I thought about leaving, about going back to my apartment, and crawling into bed, like when I was little and didn’t want to hear my mom and dad yelling, didn’t want to hear my world chipping away word by word. But my apartment was horrible and probably still stank, and I couldn’t deal with one more horrible stinking thing right now.

I sat at the table and took a drink of the coffee. Hot, bitter to the point of being sharp. It was like a slap to the face, painful, but kind of good too.

I took a second drink, then stared out the window until I’d finished half the cup. My head cleared a bit, my nerves settled some. I didn’t want to read the paper on the table. So I didn’t. Not until I finished my coffee. Then I pulled my shoulders back and turned the paper over so I could start at the headline.

The report said that my father had been found in his office, dead, late yesterday afternoon. The receptionist had found him. She’d gone in because he wouldn’t answer his phone and had an important call on hold. She’d called the police. The paramedics who arrived pronounced him dead. They didn’t list the cause but said it was a suspicious death.