Kelly Gay: The Hour of Dust and Ashes

Solomon’s shadow stilled and I knew he saw me. He bared his teeth. He cursed. Then, beneath him, tired and worn, a shriveled light that was my sister’s spirit stirred. Still there. Still hanging on. Oh, Bryn …

The people before me, the ballroom, everything seemed stuck in slow motion, the white of my vision moving dreamlike from one person to the next as I saw not only into them but also what they were made of, their characters or the true nature of their spirits.

Emma: Purity. Hope. Strength.

Brimstone: Devotion. Loyalty. Sacrifice.

Aaron: Determination. Honor. Conflict.

The white flared as I came to Rex. Rex with the indomitable jinn spirit. A big personality. I saw him as he used to be thousands of years ago: large, powerful, confident, but now shaped by time and circumstance. Changed so that creativity and vitality glowed around him. How he loved life.

My breath caught. Oh God. Will!

Beyond the spirit of Rex was my ex-husband, his dormant soul stirring, as though waking up from a long slumber. His form so thin, like a wisp of smoke. But it was him. It swirled and turned and saw me like Solomon had. He had become a shadow of his old self.

Charlie. His voice. In my head. I’m sorry.

I was crying, though I felt no tears sliding down my face in the strange state I was in, but I knew my body was shedding tears. It hurt too much not to.

Set me free, Charlie.

No, Will.

I’ve seen beyond. I’m not meant to be here. Please. Please give me peace. Rest. Freedom.

But … Emma.

Emma will understand. I’m not meant for this world. Not anymore.

I don’t know how.

He lifted a hand, and smiled gently. Yes, you do, wife.

A sob stuck in my throat. Eleven years I’d been his wife. And I’d loved him, had been happy for so many years and envisioned growing old together. I still loved him, just not in the same way as before.

And now he was asking me to set him free. I wasn’t sure I could.

Take my hand. Please.

At the edge of my vision, I saw my hand ringed in white lifting; saw it moving toward him. Our fingers touched and white glowed brighter from the tips.

And then my hand slid into his. He smiled; the old Will Garrity smile that could melt snow.

Tell Emma I love her and will be watching over her always. She must understand I cannot come back whole and full like I was before. No matter if Rex leaves, I will not come back … right. Tell her this, Charlie. Make her understand. I never meant to hurt her. Never meant to hurt you.

I nodded, pulling back slightly. He slid gently and effortlessly from his physical body. I didn’t want to let go, but I found myself releasing him anyway. His form grew dimmer and dimmer, though his smile remained until he simply vanished.

Pain squeezed a heart I no longer had.

Grief wafted through my subconscious. So much regret, so much lost … He was gone. Will Garrity, the man I married at nineteen, the father of my child, the one with whom I’d made so many memories, was gone.

I watched with heartbreak and fascination as Rex’s spirit filled out Will’s body, settling into every part of him, making links, forming new connections. Tiny sparks flew from these new links as though Rex’s jinn spirit was finally free to extend all of what he was …

With a sudden thought, I turned back to Bryn. Again, I reached out my hand. Take it. Take my hand and I can set you free. Solomon glared at me. It’s over. You had your revenge. Release my sister.

The glow around my vision dimmed. I understood immediately that the gift of Nwyvre was fleeting, that it was already leaving me.

Hurry! Take my hand!

Solomon cursed me, the stubborn fool. It was there, the desire to be free, I could see it clearly, and yet he wouldn’t take my hand, wouldn’t reach out to me.

Solomon!

Finally he lifted his hand, but I was moving backward, away from him. I reached anyway. No!

Goddammit! I hadn’t gone through all of this to fail now. I was not moving another inch. With sheer, stubborn determination, I went deep into my mind, into this beautiful white glow in my head, and I forced it to remain, holding the elements together just a little bit longer.

I lost all sensation in my body. Everything in me sharpened in complete and utter focus. I became light. No longer did I look through it. No longer did my subconscious work outside of it. This light, this beautiful, white, healing, truthful light, encompassed all of me. Or I encompassed it. I wasn’t sure.

Nwyvre I understood now. It existed all around us, more in some places than in others, like in ley lines, convergences, and earthen structures designed to heighten its energy. Very few knew how to access it, how to identify it, how to join with it. Being in this light was like sitting in the classroom of Mother Earth. I understood so much. I understood where my sister got her power.

My sister.

I moved closer, a gliding ball of light. Solomon shrunk back, but I didn’t stop. I went into her and enveloped him in light, jerking him out and flinging his shadowy spirit into the air. He didn’t fight, didn’t say anything. He seemed stupefied, and perhaps a little humbled.

It is not meant to be held, Charlie.

Melki’s voice invaded my wonderful ball of light. I ignored her. Bryn’s spirit didn’t fill out her body like Rex’s had done. She was too weak. Too tired. Too broken by ash and its spirit-suppressing qualities.

Charlie, no.

But it was too late to stop. I had no real idea what I was doing, but if this power fueled my sister’s abilities, then maybe it would wake her up, energize her, give her the strength to come back and be whole again. I took off, zinging around the room in an arc, gaining speed, using everything I had to hold it together, and coming back around, aiming for Bryn.

One giant dose of Nwyvre coming up.

I flew into her and released everything, dropping my concentration, my focus, letting the power explode out of me in a burst of white.

My chest collapsed in a great release of air. I sat up, eyes wide. Everyone in the ballroom was staring at me.

Melki was gone.

So was the power within me.

And Bryn was laid flat out on the floor, unconscious. Glowing. My sister was fucking glowing . I crawled over, not trusting my legs to support me. I shook, a billion tiny tremors vibrating at once.

Em dropped down beside me, hugging my shoulder as I sat next to Bryn and put my hand on her forehead, smoothing back the hair from her face. The glow enveloped my hand. Amazing. I looked up and found Aaron kneeling on the other side of Bryn, staring at me with an unreadable expression. After a long moment, he dipped his head. I returned the gesture.

“What happened?” I asked, unsure of what had been real and what had taken place in my mind.

“Momma,” Emma said softly. “You’re glowing, too.”

I blinked, frowning. I lifted my shaky hand to see my skin ringed in white and my arm, my legs … Very dim, however. Not nearly as bright as Bryn’s glow. My hair fell in my line of sight. I reached up and held out a strand—that, too, was glowing.

I started laughing. It was as if I’d been hit with pixie dust from Tinkerbell herself. And I knew now that it had all been real. It all had happened and everything would be okay.

“Bryn’s just passed out,” Aaron said. “She’s breathing. Pulse is a little fast …”

“Momma?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Are you okay?”

I stared at her for a long moment, and cocked my head as I realized that nothing ached or burned. I wasn’t tired. And I was hungry—always a good sign. “I’m fine. I’m glowing like a lightbulb. And I’m okay.”