Ekaterina Sedia - Running with the Pack

“She’ll be a mess!”

“I know it. She may actually open up.”

Gretchen did, and it was not what her sisters expected.

“I’m telling you, I know what I saw.”

“You can’t possibly expect us to believe you know what you saw out there as a . . . a wolf. You’ve said yourself you don’t remember anything. And what you have seen is bad enough.”

“You’ve got to tell someone, Gretchen.” Molly was terrified that the someone would be John. They were getting along so well; the last thing she wanted was for him to discover just how weird her family was. And yet, what Gretchen described was a matter for the authorities. John was sure to learn of it, one way or another.

“It’s no ordinary wolf. Under the full moon, it is a woman. We can’t bring in the law. What do you think they’ll do with her? And how long do you think it will be before they look at me?”

Perhaps now had not been a good time to speak to Gretchen after all, May thought. Yet, she had a point. If, and that was a large if , Gretchen had seen another of her kind as she so astonishingly suggested, they could not risk anyone else becoming involved.

“Okay. You’re tired. Why don’t we call it a night and see what tomorrow brings.”

Relieved, Gretchen nodded. “Fine. But I know what I saw.”

After she’d staggered off to bed, Molly and May sat in silence.

“Do you think it’s true?” Molly finally asked.

May reached across the table and took her hands. “I don’t know. I think she’s just had a bad dream. But don’t worry. We’ll make sure John stays out of it, whatever it is.”

“Thank you,” Molly said, holding on tight. “Thank you.”

Gretchen rose the next morning in a stupor. The walls of her bedroom were close and confining. Her legs were weak and she clung to the back of a chair until she found her balance. Shadows seemed superimposed on the window frame: dark limbs of trees, scuttling creatures, the outline of a wolf somehow standing upright.

She was more certain than ever that what the wolf saw was accurate. Her sisters might not believe it, but she knew. She could not leave it alone. Gretchen gathered her wits. Both sisters were awake before her. She cornered them in the kitchen before either could wish her good day.

“I can’t leave her out there. Don’t argue. This is none of your business.”

Shocked, the sisters turned as one. Gretchen’s eyes were black, feral. They felt the monster there in the kitchen where no monster belonged. Fear tainted Molly’s belly, but May held firm.

“Let us know what you need.”

“I need time. Alone,” Gretchen said.

Molly drew in her breath, but said nothing as Gretchen sat at the table and put her head in her hands.

“It hurts,” she said and Molly went to her side.

“You need to eat.”

May heaped a plate with bacon, sausage and eggs. Gretchen ate with her fingers as Molly stroked her hair. It was an uncomfortable morning, but it passed and by noon the eerie light had dimmed in Gretchen’s eyes.

“Will you see John tonight?” Gretchen asked as Molly dressed for work.

“No,” Molly said with a frown.

“Why not?”

“I don’t think I should see him again.”

Gretchen took her by the shoulder. “I know what you’re thinking, Molly. Don’t. You really like this guy, I can tell. Promise me you won’t give him up because of me.”

Molly wiped a tear from her eye. “But it’s too dangerous. What if he finds out?”

“You and May can’t protect me for the rest of my life. You need to have a life, too. Look at me.”

Gretchen turned Molly toward her. Molly saw her sister, as familiar as her own skin. She also saw, very close to the surface, the wolf. They clung to each other for a moment before Molly stepped away.

“Okay. I won’t stop seeing him.”

“Good,” Gretchen smiled.

“Be careful, will you?” Molly said quietly.

“As careful as I can.”

Gretchen cornered May in the living room that night, before she could turn on the television to watch her favorite show.

“I’ve got to set that woman free.”

“What?” May said, startled. “What do you mean?”

“Just what I said. I can’t leave her out there to die.”

“But what about that man? You said he had a gun.” May’s flesh grew cold. She rubbed her arms, suddenly very afraid.

“I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”

“It’s too dangerous. You could be killed.” May grabbed her sister’s hand.

“Better that than live like this!” Gretchen shouted and snatched her arm away.

May realized then just how deeply Gretchen’s loathing of herself ran.

“And what of the wolf?” she asked quietly. “Would you leave it out there if you didn’t have these crazy dreams?”

“They aren’t dreams!” Gretchen said, eyes wild, but something in her sister’s voice reached her. Would she do such a thing? It was true, it was not the plight of the wolf that moved her, pitiful as it was. Only the thought of the woman drew her back, again and again.

“Gretchen,” May said softly, “if what you’ve seen is to be believed, that thing out there is somehow one of your kind.”

“I am not a wolf!” Gretchen bared her teeth.

May sighed. Gretchen had to face this thing she was, but she was clearly not yet ready.

“What can I do to help?”

“Nothing. Do as you’ve always done. Do what makes you happy,” Gretchen said and leaned into her sister. “Just once, May, do what makes you happy.”

“ You make me happy,” May said as she left the room.

Gretchen watched the wolf, now almost too weak to stand. She watched the man until she knew his daily routine as well as she knew her own. She came to know the forest as only a wolf could, each tree, rock and thicket became her own. She practiced silence, she stopped wearing shoes. She almost thought the man had become aware of her presence, or a presence in the nearby wood. He came out of the cabin, gun in hand, and stood still, as though listening for some sound. This happened several times, but he never detected the shadow that was Gretchen.

Drop by painful drop, Gretchen came to love the creature in the cage. She wished, still, for her vision to clear, for she could not think of it as a wolf. She saw only the woman she was sure the wolf became beneath the moon. She wanted to see her face, she wanted to wash the sores on her body and comb out her hair. She wanted to hold her, to offer safety and to keep her from further harm. Drop by drop, Gretchen understood. She was going to kill the man.

At home, she thought of nothing else. May absorbed her silent sister into her routine as Molly’s romance flourished. Neither were aware that Gretchen intended an action which would have at one time been unthinkable to her. It was the wolf within and the wolf without that forged this thing she had become. She considered weapons, poisons, traps and at last, she considered her own bare hands. She could think of no sure way to see the job done. Two weeks passed, then three and she was no closer to a solution. Her bed was unmade, her laundry piled up, she ate as though she starved.

On the morning before September’s full moon, she was rummaging through her closet in search of a clean shirt when she found her answer. Forgotten amidst the dust on the top shelf was a small shoe box. She pulled it down as though it was lost treasure and carefully removed the lid. Inside, wrapped in tissue, was the thorn she had plucked from the wolfweed just before they burned it. She lifted it out reverently, between two fingers. It had not withered in all the last ten years. The outline of an idea, cruel and terrible, formed in her mind.

“You’re going into the forest at night?” May asked, home from work early in the evening.