Lili St Crow - Reckoning

But I am a punk kid , something inside me whined. I never asked for this!

I kept checking the rearview mirror. No headlights, no sign of pursuit. If they had cameras at the supermarket we were probably hosed. We’d have to run anyway, ditch this car in the first city and grab another one. I’d done the planning, especially to get us liquid resources. But all that wood I’d chopped was going to be useless.

Don’t worry about the firewood, for fuck’s sake. Worry about something useful .

Like, how was I going to explain this to Graves? That was going to be all sorts of fun in a handbasket. I heaved in a breath, two, and more hot trickles slid out of my eyes.

Cold rain smacking my face through my still-open window did a sucky-ass job of covering up the fact that I was sobbing. Great gulping heaves, tearing through me like a crowd of hobnailed boots against a street, beating out cadence.

Did I kill him? Lyle’s head had been twisted so strangely. But I’d heard his pulse, faint and thready. Maybe he’d be okay. Someone would come out any moment and find him and the cop there, the sheriff’s car busted up and the shotgun gone. At least we had another gun, and a shotgun was far from the worst thing to have out in the hills or on the run.

I hope I didn’t kill him . It wasn’t like my first vampire kill. I’d felt sick over that, but in the end it was like cutting off the head of a poisonous snake with a shovel. It just had to be done, and thank God I wasn’t the snake.

Or was I?

Lyle had just been a garden-variety human jerkwad, not a bloodsucking fiend looking to kill me as messily as possible. Lyle didn’t even know nosferat existed, or djamphir or svetocha or werwulfen—

Ash whined again. He reached out, tentatively, and his pale slim fingers brushed my shoulder. He patted, again and again, like I was a dog that needed soothing. My shaking sobs were oddly unconnected, like my body didn’t even belong to me. The aspect was hot oil over my skin, smoothing down and getting rid of any hurt, filling me with a buzzing. My fangs poked at my lower lip, and the twin sharp pressures sent a fresh bolt of nausea through my growling stomach.

I was hungry . Not just hungry, ravenous. And thirsty, too. The bloodhunger taunted me, the entire inside of my throat on fire. Water wouldn’t help it. The only thing that would help was calming down and forcing myself to eat something human.

That’s the problem, Dru. You ain’t human anymore. You’re one of those things Dad would’ve hunted. You suck blood .

Human blood .

No wonder Graves is so disgusted all the time. Even if he says he ain’t .

That was the wrong thought. I let out another sob. I couldn’t seem to stop. It got darker, and thunder rumbled again. I realized we were coming up on our turn and hit the brakes hard. We slewed through standing water, bumped onto the indifferent paving, and kept going. The way everything was coming down, we were looking at a washed-out road damn soon, and a slog through the mud to get back up to the cabin to collect Graves and pack up if that happened. It was just too dangerous to stick around here now, and I had nobody to blame but myself.

I just kept driving. The all-wheel drive handled the transition to rutted washboard beautifully, and we were halfway up the side of the ridge before I realized it. Trees thrashed, lightning going off in waves and the thunder closer and closer.

This ain’t natural . Gran’s voice sounded worried inside my head, and that faint ghost of citrus on my tongue taunted me. I sniffed, wiped at my cheek with the back of one wet wrist. It didn’t do much, and the rain flooding in through my window didn’t help. I didn’t want to close it, though. I needed the air.

Another sob dry-barked out of me. I ignored it. The crying was just another storm. I could just hunker down until it passed, couldn’t I?

Ash whined again, the sound coming from way back in his throat. He kept frantically patting my shoulder, and when I snapped a glance at him I found he was visibly shaking and even whiter than usual. Bedraggled, covered in mud, and wet clear through, his eyes ran with orange light and fastened on me. He tilted his head, the silvery stripe in his hair gleaming with its own weird light. I snapped my nose back forward and stared at the road.

A flash of white drifted across my vision. It resolved with quick charcoal lines, as if someone was motion-capture sketching it on the air itself. It was an owl, and it slid through the heavy rain in merry defiance of normal owl behavior. The aspect spiked under my skin.

Turn left, Dru. Now .

I didn’t argue. Whenever Gran’s owl showed up, it was always best just to follow.

Only it wasn’t Gran’s owl. It was my aspect in animal form, and one more reminder of why I’d never be normal. Or strictly human.

I twisted the wheel. We jounced off the road just in time, avoiding a pretty bad deep-foaming washout. There was an alternate route, though, for just such an occasion. The turnoff was conveniently close, but immediately the Subaru started juddering and fighting. We had to slow down to a crawl, and I finally gathered myself enough to roll my window up and turn the defroster on max. Ash grabbed at the dashboard, riding the car’s shuddering like a surfer. He still whined, but instead of patting me he kept his hand on my shoulder, fingers tensing. Not driving in, thank God. He had wulfen claws, and I didn’t like the idea of having my shoulder ground up like meatloaf.

“We’ll be okay,” I said, shakily. Another sob came along; I bit it in half and swallowed it. Rain poured in through the other three windows. This was not going to do the upholstery any good at all. “We’ll take this route. It’ll—”

The car slid sideways. I turned into it, cursing a blue streak—Dad would’ve yelled at me for using That Language, and I never would’ve dared around Gran. But neither of them was here so it was just me, the touch filling my head and pouring out through my arms as I wrenched the steering wheel and goosed the accelerator instead of the brake. You never want to hit the brakes in a situation like that.

The tires bit; we made it through and bumped up into a pair of overgrown ruts that was the alternate path. It would take us longer, but on this part of the ridge there was less chance of washouts. The trees glowered, leaves falling like the monsoon rain, and I judged we were about a mile from the house. We’d have to cover three miles of rutted track to get there, though.

Good thing there’s moonshine runners in my family tree, right? Along with vampires .

Oh, God . I grabbed the steering wheel with both hands, exhaled hard, and saw Gran’s owl again, flickering through falling water in a soft blur. It was dark , especially under the trees, and my head hurt. Whether it was from the crying or something else, I couldn’t tell. Glass spikes pressed in through my temples, and my nose was running so hard I had to root around for some damp fast-food napkins to wipe my top lip. I shivered, the trembling communicating itself to Ash.

“Bad,” he whispered, under the straining engine and the drumming of rain. Thunder drowned out most of what he said next. “—sowwy. Osh sowwy .”

My heart squeezed down on itself, hard. “It isn’t your fault.” I heaved a sigh, kept a sharp eye on the ruts ahead. The ghost of oranges on my tongue taunted me. “I could’ve just paid for it without getting mouthy. I screwed up, not you. It’s not your fault.”

I mean, what else could I say? It’s not like he did it on purpose. I was the responsible one. I’d just failed. Again.