Julie Kagawa - The Iron Knight

“My family.” The admission was a mere whisper, and I covered my eyes with a hand. “Meghan, Kierran. I miss them … they were everything. I want them back.”

Ariella put a hand on my shoulder, easing me close. “And even if that future came to pass,” she murmured in my ear, “would you want to miss it? Would you change anything, knowing how it will end?”

I pulled back to look at her, realization slowly dawning on me as we gazed at each other. “No,” I muttered, surprising myself. Because all the hurt, all the pain and loneliness and watching everyone leave me behind was overshadowed by the joy and pride I felt for Kierran, the deep contentment in Meghan’s arms, and the blinding, all-encompassing love I had for my family.

And maybe, that was what being human was all about.

Ariella smiled back, though there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. “Then you know what you have to do.”

I pulled her close and gently kissed her forehead. “Thank you,” I whispered, though it was hard for me to say, and I could tell it surprised Ariella, as well. The fey never say thank-you, for fear it will put them in another’s debt. The old Ash would never have let such a phrase escape his lips; perhaps this was just a sign of how human I was becoming.

I stood, pulling her up with me. “I think I’m ready,” I said, gazing back at the castle. My heart beat faster in anticipation, but I wasn’t afraid. “I know what I have to do.”

“Then,” said the Guardian, appearing behind us, “let us not waste another moment. Have you made your decision, knight?”

I pulled away from Ariella and faced the Guardian squarely. “Yes.”

“And what have you decided?”

“My soul.” I felt a great weight lifted off my shoulders as I said this. No more doubts. No more agonizing. I knew my path, what I had to do. “I choose humanity, and all that comes with it. Weakness, conscience, mortality, everything.”

The Guardian nodded. “Then we come to the end at last. And you will be the first to claim what you have always sought, knight. Follow me.”

PUCK JOINED US AT THE DOOR, and together we followed the Guardian down the shadowed hallways, up a twisting spiral staircase, to the landing of the highest tower. Through the door, the roof disappeared into open sky. Here, beneath the stars and constellations, where sparkling bits of moon rock drifted by, trailing silver dust, the Guardian walked to the center of the platform and turned, beckoning me with a pale hand.

“You have endured all the trials,” it said as I stepped forward. “You have accepted what it means to be human, to be mortal, and without that knowledge a soul could not live within you for long. You have passed, knight. You are ready.

“But,” the Guardian continued in a solemn voice as my gut twisted nervously, “something as pure as soul cannot grow out of nothing. One final sacrifice remains, though it is not yours to make. For a soul to be born within you, a life must be given, freely and without reservation. With this unselfish act, a soul can bloom from the sacrifice of one who loves you. Without it, you will remain empty.”

For a split second of blissful ignorance, the true meaning of what the Guardian said escaped me. Then the realization hit all at once, and an icy fist gripped my heart, leaving me numb. I stared at the Guardian for several heartbeats, horror slowly turning to anger. “Someone has to die for me,” I whispered at last. The Guardian didn’t move, and I felt a gaping hole tear open within, dropping me into blackness. “Then all this was for nothing. Everything you threw at me, all I went through, was for nothing!” Despair now joined the swirl of rage. I’d been through so much, endured so much, just to throw it away in the end. But this was something I could not allow. “Never,” I gritted out, backing away. “I’ll never let that happen.”

“It’s not your sacrifice to make, Ash.”

Stunned, I turned as Ariella walked past me, coming to stand before the Guardian. Her voice trembled a bit, but she held her head high. “I’m here,” she murmured. “He has me. I’m willing to make that choice.”

“Ari,” Puck breathed behind me.

No! I staggered toward her, panicked by what she was offering. My chest clenched in horror, in helpless desperation. It was the same feeling I’d had when I saw the wyvern strike her in the heart, when she lay dying in my arms, and I could only watch as she slipped away. This, I could stop. This, I would stop. “Ari, no,” I rasped, stepping in front of her. “You can’t do this! If you die again …”

“This is why I’m here, Ash.” Tears filled her eyes as she turned to look at me, though she still tried to smile. “This is why I came. I was returned to life for this moment, my final task, before Faery takes me back.”

“I won’t accept that!” Desperately, I grabbed her arm, and she made no move to pull away. The Guardian watched us, silent and unmoving, as I faced her, pleading. “Don’t do this,” I whispered. “Don’t throw your life away. Not for me. Not again.”

Ariella shook her head. “I’m tired, Ash,” she murmured, gazing right through me, at something I couldn’t see. “It’s been … long enough.”

Behind me, Puck blew out a shaky breath, and I hoped he would protest as well, keep her from this insane plan. But Robin Goodfellow surprised me again, his voice subdued but calm. “I’m glad I got to see you again, Ari,” he said, and from the tremor beneath the surface, I could tell he was holding back tears. “And don’t worry—I’ll take care of him for you.”

“You were a good friend, Puck.” Ariella smiled at him, though her eyes were shadowed, far away. “I’m happy I could give you two another chance.”

Feeling betrayed, I gripped her shoulders, hard enough to make her wince, though she still didn’t look at me. “I won’t let you go,” I snarled, though my voice was beginning to crack. “You can’t do this. I’ll keep you alive by force if I have to!”

“Prince.” Grimalkin’s cool, stern voice broke through my desperation. The word lanced into me, shimmering with power, compelling me to listen, to obey. I closed my eyes, fighting the compulsion, feeling my panic grow. The cait sith was calling in his favor.

“Don’t, Grimalkin.” My words were a hoarse rasp through gritted teeth. “I will kill you if you order me, I swear I will.”

“I would not force you,” Grimalkin said in that same quiet, calm voice. “But this is not your decision, prince. It is hers. All I ask is that you let her make that choice. Let her choose her own path, as you have done.”

My composure broke. I fell to my knees with a sob, clutching at Ariella’s dress, bowing my head. “Please,” I choked, tears streaming down my face. “Ari, please. I’m begging you, don’t go. I can’t watch you die again.”

“I was already gone, Ash.” Ariella’s voice shook, too, her hand resting against the back of my head. “All we had was borrowed time.” I sobbed, kneeling before her, as her fingers stroked my hair. “Let me do this,” Ariella murmured. Her fingers slipped under my jaw, gently turning my face to hers. “Let me go.”

I couldn’t speak. Shaking, nearly blinded by tears, I let my hands fall to my lap. Ariella pulled away, but her palm lingered against my cheek for a silent moment. I caught the tips of her fingers at the end, felt them slip from my grasp. “Remember me,” she whispered.

Then she turned and stepped toward the Guardian, who raised a hand to guide her forward. “It will not take long,” it said, and I thought I heard a note of admiration in the impassive voice. Ariella nodded, taking a shaky breath as the Guardian raised a hand to her forehead, brushing back her silver hair.