Seanan McGuire - Ashes of Honor

“Where are we going?” asked Quentin.

I paused, digging the Luidaeg’s Chelsea-chaser out of my pocket. It was glowing a neutral white. I sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe we’re not going anywhere. If we don’t know where she is, there’s no point in chasing after her, now, is there?”

“If you do not chase, I can provide coffee,” offered April.

“Coffee would be fabulous,” I said. “Let’s go.”

April nodded, and disappeared, apparently deciding that walking to the cafeteria would be a waste of her time. Li Qin started for the door, motioning for Quentin to join her. He glanced at me, then glanced at Tybalt, and followed her without looking back a second time. In a matter of seconds, the two of us were standing alone in the cubicle maze.

“Um,” I said.

Tybalt lifted an eyebrow, looking amused. “‘Um?’” he echoed.

“Nice weather we’re having.”

“I was unaware that you were interested in the weather.” He slid off the desk. “I am, however, aware of at least one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I was proud of you today.” Tybalt stepped closer. The smell of pennyroyal and musk was suddenly strong. “You were cautious. You were careful. You hid when you were given the opportunity to hide, and you allowed me to assist you. You have no idea how relieved I am.”

“Tybalt, this isn’t—”

“Is your charm glowing?”

I glanced down before I thought better of it. “No,” I admitted.

“Then while this may not be the best time, it is almost certainly the only time we’re going to have. You’ve been frightening me lately, October, and more than me. Your lady Fetch has been concerned as well. The risks you’ve been taking—”

People telling me not to do stupid things and get myself hurt was sadly familiar ground. I narrowed my eyes, straightening. “The risks I’ve been taking are my risks to take.”

“You don’t believe that. Fortunately for both of us, I know what it sounds like when you try to lie to yourself by lying to me.” Tybalt’s voice was soft. “You have responsibilities in this world, whether you meant to take them on or not. To your squire, to my nephew, to your Fetch. To every friend and every enemy you’ve ever made.” He paused before adding, “To me.”

“Tybalt…”

“I’ve stood by and watched you throw yourself against the walls of the world, because I hoped the impact might shake the sense back into you. We do not raise the dead by mourning them so fiercely that we join them. I wish we could. It doesn’t work.”

There was something deeply sad in his tone. “How would you know?”

“Oh, October.” Tybalt sighed, reaching out to tuck my hair behind my ear. He left his fingertips there, resting them against my skin. “Do you truly believe you are the only one, ever, to have lost someone you cared for? To have given something up because to hold it would destroy the very thing you treasured? You’re not as alone as you think you are.”

Tears welled in my eyes. There was a moment when I could have stepped into his arms, into whatever he was trying to offer me. But he was Tybalt, and Connor was gone, and it felt like letting myself move would be a betrayal, no matter how much I wanted it. I stepped away instead, leaving Tybalt’s hand hanging empty in the air.

“We’d better catch up with the others,” I said. “They’re going to be wondering where we are.” I turned before I could see the look on his face and went striding toward the door to the lawn between the buildings.

He didn’t follow me outside. I didn’t know whether to be glad or not. I crossed the lawn to the other building. The afternoon was waning toward evening, but ALH was still deserted as I walked toward the cafeteria. That struck me as odd. As a functioning computer company, there should have been people. I pushed open the cafeteria door, and asked, “Where is everyone?”

“Everyone presently in the knowe is in this room, with the exception of Tybalt, who is on the lawn,” said April. She was perched on the edge of one of the tables. Li Qin and Quentin were sitting more normally in chairs, each with a mug of liquid and a sandwich.

“Okay, that’s what I asked, but that’s not what I meant,” I said, stepping into the room. “Shouldn’t people be at work by now?”

“Ah!” April nodded understanding. “Under normal circumstances, they would be. Since these are not normal circumstances, I have given everyone the night off. I would prefer to avoid bloodshed if possible. It has been difficult to attract replacement staff after the last time.”

“Yeah, well, murder and mayhem do tend to upset most people.” I walked to the coffee machine, pausing only to take a mug from beside the sink. “Coffee.”

“Perhaps that will make you less unpleasant,” said Tybalt.

I jumped, whirling to see him standing next to the vending machine, arms folded, glaring at me. “Maeve’s bones, Tybalt! Just because April teleports everywhere, that doesn’t mean you have to start doing it, too!”

“What? You mean it irritates you when I appear and disappear in the middle of conversations?” He unfolded his arms, but kept glaring. “I’m pleased to see we still have a few things in common.”

“I can’t talk to you right now.” I turned my back on him, picking up the coffeepot and filling my mug instead. “April, telling everyone to stay home was smart. Now we just need to figure out our next smart move.”

“Can it be not dying?” asked Quentin. “I like not dying.”

“Yeah, it can.” I sipped my coffee, taking that moment to recenter myself before I turned back around to face the others. Tybalt was still there. That was something, anyway. “So we have not dying, finding Chelsea, and finding Raj. The last trace we had on Chelsea put her in or around Dreamer’s Glass. We’ve got nothing on Raj, except for knowing that wherever he is, he doesn’t have access to the Shadow Roads.” I paused. “Tybalt. The Shadow Roads. What do they connect to?”

“Ah, so now you can talk to me? Truly, I am honored.”

I sighed. “Okay, maybe I deserved that. I’m sorry. I mean the question seriously. What do the Shadow Roads connect to?”

Tybalt frowned. “The shadows, of course. Their anchors are in the Courts of Cats; the Kings and Queens keep them open with our presence. Without us, our subjects would be as trapped as those of the Divided Courts.”

“Raj isn’t a King yet. Can he hold the Shadow Roads open on his own?”

“For a time, yes.”

“What if he were in a place where Cait Sidhe hadn’t been in a really, really long time? Would he be able to open the shadows then?”

Tybalt’s frown deepened. “No,” he admitted. “Raj is a Prince, and a strong one, but I couldn’t have held the shadows at his age.”

“Would you know if he was nearby, but not exactly in the same place? Like if you were in a knowe, and he was right outside?”

“Yes. He is a Prince of Cats. I always know when someone with his potential is near.”

“Got it.” I turned to the table where Li Qin, April, and Quentin waited, watching me with puzzled expressions. “Quentin, I know what has to happen next, and you’re not going to like it.”

He sighed. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

“I am, and I need you to stay here, so you can call me if the charm changes color. We don’t have to stay together, and it seems to react to proximity. I don’t want us to miss another chance to catch Chelsea.”

“What if you’re in San Francisco when it lights up? It’ll take you like two hours to get back here.”

“No, it won’t.” I turned to Tybalt. “Will you take me? I think I may know how to find Raj, but I’m going to need someone with access to the Shadow Roads.”