Rachel Vincent - With All My Soul

I swallowed a lump of guilt over that. But if this went well, he wouldn’t have to worry about me getting Tod in trouble anymore.

“So, what can I do for you, Kaylee?”

I took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. “I need you to tell a lie.”

Levi frowned with pouty child’s lips, and his freckled forehead wrinkled below a mop of bright red hair. “Maybe you better start from the beginning.”

It took almost five minutes for me to explain what I needed and why, and another two minutes to persuade him that my lie was necessary, and that he had to be the one to tell it. I then spent one more precious minute convincing him that I hadn’t lost my mind and that I would actually go through with my part of the plan.

By the time I shook Levi’s hand, unsettled more by the grim respect in his gaze than I was by the reality of what I was planning, I was seven minutes late to meet Tod, and he’d texted twice.

And I still had to pick up the drinks.

While I waited for our cherry limeades, I texted Tod to tell him I was on my way. Then I practiced controlling my pulse and slowing my heartbeat. Letting my true fear show in my eyes while hiding my guilt over what I was about to do.

This is about the war, not the battle, Kaylee. Sacrifices had to be made.

When I blinked into his room, Tod was squatting in front of the minifridge that served as his nightstand. When he saw me, he stood with the small carton of ice cream we’d opened the day before.

“No, thanks.” I set the limeades on top of the fridge and held his gaze. “I’m not here for the ice cream.”

His eyes widened. “I may not be the sharpest scythe in the shed, but even I can read those signals.” He kissed me, and I nearly forgot my own name.

“Mmm...” I said, when his mouth trailed over my chin and down my neck.

“Why do you taste so good?” he mumbled against my skin.

“Cherry limeade.” I reached back to hand him his. I’d gotten us each a small, because I needed him to drink as much of his as possible.

Tod took a long drink, then set his cup down. “I love those.”

“I know.” I slid my hands beneath his shirt, running my fingers over his stomach, then higher.

“I love you more.”

“More than processed sugar and fresh-squeezed citrus? You flatter me....”

I leaned into him until he had to take a step back, and then I leaned a little more. He lost his balance and had to sit on the edge of the bed, staring up at me in surprise. I climbed into his lap, then I kissed Tod like I might never see him again. Like the promise of eternity was a cruel joke and the truth was that we might not live to see dawn.

When that kiss finally ended, Tod leaned back a little so he could focus on my face. “Not that I’m complaining—and let me emphasize that I’m truly not complaining—but is something wrong, Kaylee? I mean, other than the missing parents/demonic evil thing?” He reached for his cup again, and relief and guilt churned within me, one fading into the other until they were indistinguishable.

“Does something have to be wrong for me to want to spend time alone with my boyfriend?”

His eyes narrowed as he sipped from his straw. “A smarter reaper than I might notice that you’re playing the same implication game Avari plays when he doesn’t want to admit something.”

“I don’t want a smarter reaper. I want you. ”

“Ha ha.” He took another drink, then set the cup down again. “Kay...?” He knew me too well to fall for my avoidance game, and he loved me too much not to push for the truth when something was obviously wrong.

“I’m just...scared. I’m scared, Tod.” I slumped beneath the weight of that admission, and his hands slid up my back, over my shirt. “I’m more scared now than I’ve ever been in my life. Or my afterlife.” That was true. In fact, that was the truest thing I could possibly have told him.

“You’re a murder victim. How can you be more scared now than you were the night you died?”

“I don’t know. There was no time to be scared then. All I could do was react. Fight. But now there’s nothing to do but think about what Avari’s doing to my dad and what he’ll do to your mom and Brendon when he gets them. Or about how we can’t stop it. We’ve been in and out of the Netherworld a dozen times in the past twenty-four hours, and we haven’t seen a single sign of your mom and my uncle since we found those bandages, and what scares me even worse is that Avari hasn’t found them yet, either. How is that possible? I mean, if they were still alive, wouldn’t he have found them, even if we can’t?”

“Maybe not.” Tod’s eyes went still beneath the burden of a fear I understood very well. As did Sophie and Nash. “They’re alive, Kay. And so’s your father. We’re going to get them back.”

“I know. I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. But...” I sat straighter in his lap and looked right into his eyes. “You know we can’t do that without sacrificing something else, right? We can’t get them back without casualties.”

He shook his head. “No. No one else is going to—”

“Tod. We’re both as grown-up as we’re going to get, and we have to stop telling each other faerie tales. This isn’t a happy-ending kind of world we live in. Nothing comes without a price, and someone has to be willing to pay.”

“The bad guys are going to pay. It’s their turn to pay.”

“What part of our recent interaction with the Netherworld leads you to believe that’s even possible? If Ira had wanted Sabine dead, she’d be dead, and who knows how many more of us would have died trying in vain to save her. Or even find her. Sometimes I think we’re only alive because they haven’t decided to kill us yet.”

“We’re not alive,” Tod said, but for once, his grin failed to lighten the mood—because it wasn’t a real grin. He was as scared and angry as I was, and there was no way to truly forget that, while those we loved were suffering beyond our reach.

“You know what I mean.” I took a sip from my cup and handed him his, careful not to get them confused. Fortunately, I’d depressed the “diet” bubble on the lid of my own, even though there was no such thing as a diet cherry limeade. Thank goodness.

“I also know you’re wrong.” He took a drink, then set his cup down again. “We’re not alive because they haven’t decided to kill us yet. We’re alive in spite of them wanting us dead. Because they have tried, and we’ve come through it okay every single time. Because of you, Kaylee.”

“It was a team effort. Besides, not all of us came through it, and that part was because of me.”

“Don’t.” Tod took my face in his hands and kissed me before I could argue. Then he pulled me close again and spoke into my ear so softly I wasn’t sure if I was hearing words from his mouth or from his heart. “You don’t get credit for killing Alec because you would never have hurt him. Never. You’ve lost everything protecting the people you love. Em and Sophie. Nash. Your dad. And me. I’m here because of you. I’m as close to human as I can be—as I’ll ever be again—because you’re here with me. Every night, I count down the minutes until I can see you. I hate school because it takes you away from me. I wish I could sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, so I could dream about you. My mom and Nash are very important to me. I would do anything for them. But you’re the reason I’m still here. You’re the reason I’m still me—the reason I still see people instead of potential names on a future list.”

He held me tighter, and tears rolled down my cheeks before I even knew they were there. “We’re going to get through this. I promise you, Kaylee.” He pulled away so he could see my eyes, and I saw sincerity in his. Earnestness. I saw how very much he believed what he was saying. “We’re going to get them back. And we’re going to be together forever. There’s nothing in either world strong or evil enough to come between us.”