Rachel Vincent - With All My Soul

Fear. The root of his anger was fear of losing me, not as his girlfriend—that part of our lives was over, and he loved Sabine; we could all see that—but as his friend. As his more-than-a-friend. As a confidante. As one of the people who’d been with him through life, and death, and addiction, and relapse, and countless moments of imminent threat from untold forms of evil.

And now he wanted to know that I’d never do it again. That I’d never put him through the fear of losing me again.

“Don’t make her do it, Nash.” Tod’s voice was so soft and deep I had to concentrate to understand what I was hearing. “She will if you ask her to, but I’m asking you not to make her promise something she can’t keep. That’s not a promise any of us could keep. Like it or not, we’re not going to get our parents back without putting ourselves in danger, and Kaylee knows that. She knew it before any of the rest of us came to that conclusion.”

But that wasn’t true. Tod had known before I’d ever met him. Before I’d met Avari or Invidia or Belphegore. Before I even knew I wasn’t human. He’d known what you have to be willing to sacrifice for the people you love long before I’d truly understood the meaning of the words risk and sacrifice.

He’d known since the moment he’d given up his life so Nash could live.

“What Kaylee doesn’t understand is that she’s not alone in this.” Tod stepped forward and held his hand out to me, and I reached for it like a plant reaches for the sun. Like I couldn’t bloom without him there to shine on me. He pulled me up, then he pulled me close, and when he looked into my eyes, I couldn’t look away.

“What Kaylee needs to understand is that we all feel just like she does. Like if we make the sacrifice or take the risk, the others won’t have to. Ira, Avari, and all the rest of them, they want each of us to believe that because they know we’ll make that sacrifice if we think that’s the only way to save the people we love. But it’s a lie. This is too big for any one of us alone. We can only do this as a team—if we have one another’s backs.”

His eyes were all for me again then, and I could see how hurt he really was. Beneath that, I could see his fear.

Fear of losing me, just like I’d felt when he’d died. When I’d thought I’d lost him and that my afterlife would be hundreds—maybe thousands—of years spent mourning him.

“What that means is that when we take risks, if they can’t be avoided, we let everyone else in on the plan so that if something goes wrong, we can do what we do best. Rescue each other. Got it?”

I nodded. Then I wrapped my arms around him and we held each other until Em started clearing her throat awkwardly.

Sabine was less subtle. “Okay, if you two could form separate people again, we have a fairly serious evil scheme to discuss. Also, I’m hungry.”

Tod squeezed me tighter for a second, then let me go. “Are you guys tired of pizza? ’Cause I could have dinner here in about five minutes....”

“Free?” Sabine perked up with interest.

Tod rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“I’m in. Pepperoni, beef, and green bell peppers.”

“The free pizza is whatever’s ready and not yet claimed,” Tod said. Sabine pouted, then shrugged. She finally seemed to be coming to terms with the relationship between beggars and choosers. Which would have been great, if only her other appetite were as easy to satisfy.

Luca and Sophie showed up while Tod was on his pizza run, and when he got back with two greasy boxes, I set a stack of paper plates on the table and Em dug the last of our cans of soda from the fridge.

If my dad wasn’t back soon, I’d have to get a second job just to put food on the table. Er...Coke in the fridge.

I refused to think about the possibility that he might never be back. Losing him was not an option.

We got Luca and Sophie all caught up over dinner.

“So, ‘ticktock’ is, like, the clock running out? So, he’s giving us a deadline?” My cousin picked a pepperoni off her slice and dropped it on an extra plate designated as the dumping ground for foods she wouldn’t eat, which included pepperoni, sausage, onions, and crust. At first, she’d refused pizza, until Sabine pointed out that “picky little bitches” go hungry.

“Yeah,” Nash said around a bite of supreme. “But we don’t know when that deadline is.”

Luca ate Sophie’s pepperoni slice, then followed it with a gulp from the can of diet soda they were sharing. “Why would Avari go to the trouble of possessing Emma with a message for Kaylee, then not deliver the entire message?”

“My theory is that he didn’t know how to control Lydia’s syphoning abilities any better than Emma does. I’m thinking they overwhelmed him, and that made his message come out all garbled and incomplete.”

Em frowned. “But if he hadn’t spent enough time in her body to learn to control her abilities, how was he able to use her voice?”

“Crap. I don’t know.” There was so much we still didn’t know. So much we might never know.

Nash shrugged. “I kinda got the impression that he only wanted to give the message to you, and that’s why he was so pissed off. Because you weren’t available.”

“Because she was summoning the competition?” Sophie said. “Like, his arch nemesis?”

“They’re demons, not comic book villains,” Emma said.

My cousin dropped her bare crust on the extra plate and frowned at Em. “Excuse me, but I think I can visualize the forces of evil however I like.”

Luca stifled a laugh. “As long as you’re not expecting them to go ‘Oof!’ and ‘Ka-pow!’ when you hit them.”

“I’m not planning to hit them,” Sophie mumbled, picking a clump of sausage from her second slice.

“Okay, so what’s the plan for tonight?”

I shrugged. “Considering that Emma’s exhaustion led to her being possessable today, I think you guys should let me and Tod do all the Netherworld searching tonight, so you can get some rest.”

“Hell, no,” Nash said.

Sabine’s brows rose in my direction. “I don’t need much sleep. Nash and I will take the first shift. Now, before it gets too late.” I started to object, but she spoke again before I could. “Don’t bother. I’m not asking for permission. I’m letting you know what we’ll be up to, so you won’t worry if you can’t find us. And so you can worry if we’re not back in a reasonable amount of time.”

Before any of the rest of us could answer, Nash pulled her closer and kissed her fuller and deeper than I’d ever seen him kiss anyone other than me.

Sabine looked surprised for the second it took her to realize what was happening. That Nash was kissing her in front of people.

Then things got awkward. Fast.

“Are you trying to make my pizza come back up?” Em demanded, and Luca laughed.

After dinner, Nash and Sabine went to the Netherworld together, concentrating on the buildings within walking distance of the hospital—the ones Tod and I hadn’t already searched.

Luca, Sophie, and Emma curled up on the couch with a movie—no one even suggested doing homework—and Tod and I retreated to my room with a promise not to blink to any more private locations without telling them we were leaving.

My heart started beating on its own when I closed the door and turned to see him sitting in my desk chair. Watching me.

“Okay. So. How mad are you?”

“I’m not mad.” He motioned me closer, and I sat in his lap, facing him.

“You’re not mad at all?” I frowned. “You understand that when I left the hospital this morning, I already knew I was going to summon Ira and I didn’t tell you.”