Rachel Vincent - With All My Soul

“Where were you?” Sabine asked, and everyone turned to look at me. “Where were you during third period, when we were all looking for you?”

I stared at the floor for a second, then made myself look up. “I kind of...summoned Ira in the kitchen of the empty doughnut shop down the street from the school.” I held my arm out so they could see the fresh bandage near my elbow, which was visible since I’d taken off the cardigan.

“Again?” Nash said. “Sounds like it’s getting serious. Does Tod know about this?”

Sabine elbowed him, and I nearly threw my own water bottle at his head. “Ha ha. It was a total waste of time, though. Except I did confirm that he was the one who tied Sabine to the ground with crimson creeper.” Which we were already virtually certain of. “And that he may or may not know where my uncle and your mom are.”

Nash’s hand clenched around his bottle. “He may know where my mom is?”

“He was going to charge me to find out whether or not he knows, then again, presumably, to find out where they actually are.”

“And, what, the price was too high?” Sabine looked confused.

“Well, yeah.” I shrugged. “By virtue of the fact that I was dealing with a hellion. That’s never a good idea.”

“But you deal with hellions all the time! ” Nash insisted. “You were willing to make out with one to help your dad but not to help my mom?”

“No, I...I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have let him manipulate me—in the end it was all for nothing anyway.” Instead of finding my dad, we’d lost his mom and my uncle. “Besides, I’m pretty sure the price would have gone up this time.” I didn’t even want to know what came after a kiss. A bite? A sip of my blood, straight from the fount? A pound of flesh? Something worse?

“You’re pretty sure? ” Nash demanded, and I realized I’d accidentally led him to an accurate conclusion. “You didn’t even ask? You just decided my mom should sit tight in the Netherworld—where she’s obviously unconscious and probably still bleeding—because you weren’t even willing to listen to the offer on the table?”

“Wait, you think she should have made a deal with a demon? ” Em demanded, while I stared at him, trying not to get angry. Angri er, anyway.

“No, that’s not...” Nash scrubbed both hands over his face, and I could practically feel his frustration. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t want you to put yourself in any more danger, but we have to get my mom back. She’s hurt, and I have no idea how badly. She’d do anything for me and Tod—and for any of you—and there’s nothing we can do to help her without making a deal with a hellion.”

“I’ll do it. I’ll make the deal.” Sabine shrugged. “I’m not giving up my soul, but other than that, I’m flexible. How bad could it be?”

I stared at her in horror. “That’s the scariest question I’ve ever heard.”

Em frowned. “Sabine, he already tried to kill you.”

“Actually, he wasn’t trying to kill her,” I admitted, reluctantly aware that they might misinterpret that as my support for her kamikaze mission. “He was trying to piss us all off.”

“That’s not the point.” Nash took Sabine’s hand. “I don’t want any of you putting yourselves in danger. She’s my mom. This is my responsibility. I’ll do it.” He let go of Sabine and stood, facing me. “Kaylee, how the hell do you summon a hellion?”

“I can’t...” I took a deep breath, then started over—he wasn’t going to like my answer. “Nash, I can’t tell you that. I can’t let you summon Ira.” He’d get himself killed, and it would be my fault.

His eyes churned with swift currents of brown and green, with flashes of anger like lightning splitting the storm. “Does it give you some kind of perverse pleasure to tell me no? Because that’s all I ever hear from you anymore. Actually, that’s all I’ve ever heard from you.”

“Okay, stop it, Nash.” My gaze clashed with his, and I wondered what he saw in my eyes. “I’m trying to protect you.”

“Who appointed you defender of mankind? I don’t need your protection! None of us do!”

“I do, kind of,” Em said, but no one was really listening. “Sometimes...”

I stood, facing Nash across the coffee table. “I’m not going to let you summon a hellion, especially when you’re so desperate to find your mother that you’d give him whatever he wants.”

“That’s my call. You have no right to stand in my way.”

“I may not have the right, but I have the responsibility. You’re my friend—you’re more than a friend—and you have a less-than-stellar record with human-to-hellion interactions. I’m not going to give you what you need to make another mistake, and, frankly, I don’t think it’s fair of you to ask me to, considering that if something happens to you, we’ll all have to put ourselves in even more danger to rescue you. Don’t you think we’re missing enough loved ones already?”

Yes, I was aware of my own hypocrisy, even as the words left my mouth. But putting myself in danger was different than letting him do the same thing, because Nash was a hellion addict. And because he was too emotional to think clearly. And because he’d never even met Ira. And...

And because I was terrified of losing him. Of losing any of them. I wasn’t willing to take risks with my friends’ lives like I was with my own, because I loved them. All of them. Even the ones I didn’t always like. I couldn’t give Nash the means to get himself killed via hellion bargain any more than I could hand him a loaded gun and watch him point it at his own head.

But Nash didn’t see it that way.

“I can’t win with you, can I?” He threw his arms up in frustration. “If I stay safe on the sidelines, I’m not helping, but if I try to do anything, I’m putting myself and everyone else in danger. You’re going to be mad at me no matter what I do—or don’t do—so I’m done worrying about what you think!”

“Guys, calm down,” Emma said. On the edge of my vision, I saw Sabine watching me and Nash like we were on opposing sides of a volleyball net.

“This isn’t about me being mad at you, Nash. This is about me trying to protect you.”

“For the last time, I don’t need you to protect me! So just tell me how to contact this Ira asshole and let me decide how much I’m willing to pay to get my mother out of the Netherworld. Let me deal with the consequences of my own decisions!”

“That’s not how it works!” My cheeks were flushed, and my heart pounded so hard I was almost dizzy—my body was no longer accustomed to such a rapid flow of blood. “This is a team sport, Nash. We’re in it together, and we can’t afford for you to run off half-cocked playing hero and get yourself killed. You have to think about the group. About what’s best for all of us!” I couldn’t believe how rash he was being. How selfish!

“Kaylee. Nash. It’s too tense in here....” Em put both hands over her ears, as if she could physically stop herself from syphoning our anger.

“The group? ” Nash was shouting now. “Is that what you were thinking about when you summoned Ira all by yourself? How come when you do it, it’s noble, but when I want to do it, I’m ‘running off half-cocked to play hero’? You didn’t even tell anyone what you were doing. You just disappeared. If something had gone wrong, we would never have known what happened to you. How is that acting in the best interest of the group?”

“That’s different,” I insisted, reeling from the sting of his words. “I’ve dealt with Ira before. I’ve dealt with summoning before.” Only once, but that was one more time than he’d done it. “And I know where my boundaries lie. He can’t tempt me with—” I bit off the next words before I could say them and almost bit my tongue in the process.