John Mackie - Hazardous Goods

“Yeah, man.” He held up his hand and turned the ring on his finger. “It gives me a sick feeling just looking at it. You think maybe she-.”

He lost me, but Kara seemed to follow his train of thought.

“Cursed it?”

“I don’t know. All I know is that everything I touch turns to shit.”

Kara stared at the ring, then stood. “Let me get Professor Irving on the phone. Maybe he has some thoughts.”

She headed into one of the offices to call Professor Irving, and I turned to Jamar.

He did look like a mess. Normally quick to smile, his mouth seemed to sag from the strain of the past few days.

“Why don’t you just take it off?”

“That’s just it. It’s weird, man. I can’t budge the thing.” He held out his hand and tugged on the ring to show me. It was like the school ring you wore in high school that stayed wedged on because you gained a ton of weight. That’s not a comment on any of the women I saw at my last class reunion or anything. Just saying.

“Huh. Listen, cheer up, man. It’ll all work out.”

“Aw, it’s just… my parents . I can’t believe it. My Dad’s like, sixty-two. What the hell is he doing getting a divorce? What’s the point?”

“You don’t know for sure. Lots of people say they’re breaking up and never do. May just be a phase.”

“I don’t know, man. My Dad, when he says he’s doing something, he does it.”

“Well, even if they do divorce, it may still work out.”

“Man, this is all messed up.” His head sunk down onto his forearms, and I looked down on his shaved head. Not much I could do to help him out. I was the last person to talk about long-term relationships. Never been in one that worked, and my own father didn’t live long enough for me to see him and my mother together.

“I’ve got Professor Irving on the line. He has a theory.”

“C’mon big guy. Let’s go see what the Professor has to say.”

We moved into the office, Kara perching one hip on the desk while Jamar took one of the visitor seats and I stood by the door. After a morning in the veritable driver’s seat, I was happy to be on my feet for a short while.

“Professor Irving? I have Jamar and Donnie on the line.”

“Hello! Donnie, welcome to Arcane Transport.”

“Thanks, Professor. I hope we can meet face-to-face in the near future.”

“Absolutely. Jamar?”

“Hey, Sol.” Seemed like Jamar had a first name relationship with Professor Irving. I felt a brief tinge of jealousy. It would be a while yet before I was a part of the gang.

“Sounds like you’ve had an unpleasant few days.”

Jamar nodded. I debated speaking up on his behalf, but we weren’t on the stand.

“Kara described the situation to me. I can’t say for sure, but it’s possible that you’ve been exposed to a curse of some kind.”

“The ring, you think?” Jamar sat silent, but I figured it was OK to help out.

“Yes. Listen, can someone describe it to me?”

“Sure.” I turned, half expecting to have to do it myself. But Jamar spoke up.

“It’s black. You thought it was onyx?” He glanced up to me, and I nodded. “Donnie thought it might be onyx.”

“Is it entirely onyx? Or-.”

“Silver band with an onyx stone.”

“Men’s wedding band.” Jamar and I glanced at Kara, and both of us pretended to shiver. She displayed one of her slim manicured fingers in response.

“Are there any motifs or markings on the band?”

“There’s kind of a Celtic pattern, with some sort of symbol. It looks like a pair of triangles, one on top of the other. Maybe with some curls inside?”

“Maybe hearts?” I thought Kara’s description was closer.

“And there are a few words inscribed on the border around the stone.” He held his hand up to the light, the three of us huddled around it like idiots. “Um, let’s see… oh, crap.”

“What?” I leaned forward, trying to make out the words. “How do you say that? Horror Ubique Animos .” I could see why Jamar was concerned. Not a lot of positive phrases using the word horror. “Is that Latin?”

“I believe so. In fact, that sounds familiar. Hang on a second.” We heard typing in the background, then he mumbled something that sounded like “maybe in quotes”.

“Yes, yes. Virgil. From the Aeneid. Horror ubique animos, simul ipsa silentia terrent . The first part of the verse means everywhere horror seizes the soul .”

“Oh, that’s nice.”

“Stay calm, let’s keep examining it. How heavy is it?”

Jamar twisted the ring on his finger, but made no move to remove it. “Pretty much normal.”

“Here.” Kara held her hand out, but the Professor’s voice barked on the phone.

“No!”

We all sat and stared at the phone. Seemed a little pushy for a prof.

“Sorry, but if it’s a cursed object, the curse may end up just passing on to anyone who accepts it voluntarily. Doesn’t solve our problem.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway, Sol. I can’t get the damned thing off.”

Jamar tugged at it and looked up at Kara and me, his face wrought with frustration.

“Maybe you just need something to help it slide off. Maybe some margarine, or soap?”

Kara was already moving to the kitchen when Jamar spoke up. “Nah. Tried it. Tried margarine, soap, WD40, even tried to pull the damned thing off with pliers. All I managed to do was mess up a pair of my pants and cut my damned finger.”

He held up his hand, palm facing towards us, and I could see a cut on the inside of his knuckle, just below the ring.

“Sounding more and more like a curse, Jamar. Some of these objects cannot be removed or passed on to anyone else without their consent. Can’t even be removed until the other person has indicated acceptance. When this woman offered the ring to you, you must have been happy to take it from her?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Was she wearing it when you first saw it?”

“Huh. Yeah. I did think that was a bit weird.”

“Well, she needed your consent, ill-informed or otherwise. In theory you could do the same — offer it to some stranger and get it off your hands.”

Jamar shook his head.

“Naw. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.”

“Then we need to come up with a way to eliminate the curse. Maybe you could get the woman to take it back?”

Jamar’s eyes lit up at that idea, if only for a moment. There was a way to get rid of his problem, and pay the bitch back at the same time. But…

“There’s no way she’s going to take it back.” At least not in my view.

“Doesn’t seem very likely, does it. Not sure she would have passed it to you in the first place if she had any moral fiber. So that puts us back at square one. Listen, Jamar, this is going to take some research on my behalf. Can you take a picture of the ring and e-mail it to me?”

“I’ll do it.” Kara stepped into one of the offices and drew a digital camera from a drawer.

“E-mail it to me, and I’ll try to look into it tonight. Jamar — I’m sorry I can’t find you a solution right away.”

“Not your fault, Sol. My fault for being too trusting.”

“All you can do is keep it simple. Stick to routine, no big plans or outings. Hopefully I can find you an answer before things get any worse.”

“Thanks, Professor.”

Kara hung up, and we both stared at Jamar. His head was down on the table again. For once, I was happy not to be in someone else’s shoes.

That night I was getting together with two of my former colleagues from TechnoSoft, John Pepper and Jin Park. John went by the name Chili (Chili Pepper — who would have imagined), a carryover from college that had stuck. We were meeting at Chucks, the local greasy spoon we frequented when I was still with the company.