Kristie Cook - Devotion

I suddenly didn't want to see the message on this particular piece of paper. I forced myself to lift my hand, to close my fingers on the envelope's edges, to take it from Charlotte and tear it open. I commanded my eyes to look at the paper, my brain to interpret the message.

Unlike the wizard's results page, this one only showed a DNA chart. It was purely scientific–the test performed and the results recorded by a doctor on stationery from a medical research lab in London. Like the false-ID creator, the doctor must have been one of "Tristan's guys" located around the world whom he could rely on for help. One of the many Normans who knew Tristan as someone who occasionally needed to circumvent authorities or cut through red tape and had the money to pay for it. They would be unaware of the Amadis and our politics just as the Amadis were likely unaware of them. Knowing Tristan, who put the Amadis above all, including himself, he would only hire someone who'd provide accurate results, even if they incriminated him. Tristan trusted this doctor to deliver only the truth.

And the results were the same.

"It … it wasn't a set-up," I said, the whisper sounding distant to my own ears.

The paper fluttered toward the floor as my body went numb. My hands fell limp in my lap, and I simply stared at them. My mind tried to grasp the true meaning of this, but some part of me kept it from doing so, still trying to deny it. I squeezed my eyes shut to block out this place, wanting to leave and go to another world where Tristan and I lived happily ever after. But Lilith's face–the sweet one, before she went all monster on us–showed on the back of my eyelids. Just like Dorian's face … which was just like his father's.

And then the thoughts I wanted to avoid bombarded me. Questions. So many questions. How could this happen? When did it happen? I'd become pregnant with Dorian on our honeymoon right before Tristan disappeared. There was no doubt because I'd been a virgin before our wedding. Had the wait been too long for him? Had he been with someone else, unable to hold out for me? Or did it happen after he left? He'd said he'd been completely faithful during his absence, but … what was I to believe now?

Then the worst images of all battered my mind and assaulted my soul. Tristan actually with another woman. Someone else embraced in his powerful arms. Limbs entangled, eyes locked on each other's with that shared look of love and lust. Strange fingers touching his naked flesh, lips kissing his full ones, hands that weren't mine on his face, on his biceps and chest, stroking him … another woman's body making him respond in a way I thought only I could do. And him caressing her, kissing her, holding her … making love to her. Doing everything he did to me to her.

Giving her a baby. A piece of him to hold onto when he wasn't with her.

I pulled my knees to my chest and bent my head to curl into a ball, trying to protect my heart and soul from the pain. But no one attacked me from the outside. The agony already burgeoned within, tightening its hold, knifing its way across my heart.

"How could he do this to me?" I whispered against my thighs. Nobody answered. "To all of us?"

He hadn't betrayed only me. I envisioned him in the meeting hall, denying it. Denying everything. If he could do this … get away with it all these years … what else had he done? What else had he lied about? Was anything he said true? The horrible idea that Julia and the others were right about him crept into my mind like a dark mist seeping in and blacking out everything I'd ever believed. He'd summarized it all himself, and now I could almost believe it, either way the story went. Not everything–some of it was outright ludicrous–but the general idea that he made all this happen to bring down the Amadis … No! Not my Tristan. Impossible!

Right?

More and more, the council's accusations began to make sense. Rina and Mom had believed in Tristan all along, before I was even born, based on feelings and messages from the Angels. The traitor had thought them foolish leaders, relying so much on their senses and directives that truly didn't exist. With his ability to identify possible options and solutions, could Tristan figure that out, realize there'd never been a message about our daughter? Had he told the traitor about Rina's lie? Oh, my God. Every time I'd heard the traitor's voice, Tristan had been there! Had his mistress been around, too? Was that her voice I'd heard? Did she stop us from making love that one night in the woods? Is that how Tristan dealt with my inability to have sex–by going to her?

Their faces overcome with bliss. Cries of pleasure escaping their lips.

The image made my stomach heave. I had nothing to vomit, though. Acid burned the back of my throat.

I clutched at my hair with my hands, my fingernails digging into my scalp. No. It can't be. I can't believe this!

Charlotte cleared her throat, a reminder she still stood before me.

"He wants to see you," she said, her voice uncharacteristically soft and quiet. "Martin says he can come in."

I tried to imagine what I would do when I saw him face-to-face. When I looked into his eyes. What I would say. But the image eluded me. As if Foggy Alexis tried to ooze her way in to protect me.

"I don't think I can," I said, my forehead still pressed against my knees.

Charlotte sighed. "I want to say I know what Martin will do, but I can't guarantee it. He's having a hard time with the others." A beat passed before she added, very quietly, "Alexis, this might be your last chance to see Tristan alone. Ever."

And that finally got to me. The fog disappeared as the idea of never seeing Tristan–the only man I'd ever loved–squeezed my heart with panic. I couldn't let it end like this.

"Okay," I mumbled. I remained in my protective ball as hands touched my shoulder and hair, followed by the noises of people coming and going. Then the room fell silent, and a heavy weight sat on my couch, at the other end.

"Ma lykita." The loveliest voice in the world carved a gash into my soul.

Tears stung my eyes just to hear Tristan's voice. I didn't move, didn't respond, afraid of him. Of myself. His weight shifted, and I knew he reached out to touch me. I pulled my ball tighter. He let out a heavy sigh. "You don't believe me."

"Believe what?" I asked. "You haven't even tried to defend yourself. Not to me."

"What? Do you think it was Rina who I tried so hard to convince that it's not true? That it's absolutely impossible? I was telling you, Lexi. You're the only one who matters."

I finally lifted my head and rested my chin on my knees, staring straight forward at the wall. Not allowing myself to look his way. "If you mean with your thoughts, I can't hear anyone. I'm blocked. But I've seen the results myself. There really is no doubt." My voice cracked on the last word as my eyes flicked to the paper from Tristan's guy on the floor.

He leaned over to retrieve it, and several moments of silence passed as he studied the results. He let it fall to the floor again as he leaned his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands, still not saying a word. Then he moved closer to me. His large hand landed softly on my head, smoothed down my hair and rested on my back. I began to shake uncontrollably. He wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me to his chest. I couldn't bring myself to stop him. Just one last time. Feel him one more time. The dam finally broke, and I could no longer stop the sobs.

"Lexi," he murmured as he tightened his arms around me. "My Lexi. Please listen to me. Everything has changed now, I understand, but not my love for you. Whatever happens, I need you to know I've always been faithful to you. Only you, Lex. It's always been only you, my love."