Gillian Anderson - A Vision of Fire

“Good,” she said, laughing a little, “because I’m starting to wonder.”

“Cai, something definitely happened here, and like you said, it wasn’t all in Maanik’s head.”

Caitlin and Ben left the bedroom and Jack London, who was still gazing at the wall but with his head resting on his paws. They were followed by Mrs. Pawar, who sat in the living room, clearly shaken. Mr. Pawar stayed with Maanik. Caitlin went over and sat with Hansa for a while, just listening—the woman needed to vent her worries, not just about her daughter but about her husband.

“You can’t protect him from this,” Caitlin told her.

“I know that. My hope is that he can handle it all without breaking.” She looked at Caitlin with sad eyes. “He had no reaction at all, himself, to the attempt on his life. It is as if he has pushed that entirely out of his mind.”

“For now, most likely he has,” Caitlin said. “To him, these other concerns are greater.” She smiled. “Trust me, there will be time for you to care for him.”

“What about Maanik?” the woman asked. “Has this helped you understand?”

“I’m sure it has, I just have to sift through her answers,” Caitlin said. “We’ll be working on that this evening. I told you, we’re going to figure this out.”

“He is a caring man,” Mrs. Pawar said, looking at Ben.

“Very.” Caitlin beamed appreciatively.

Mrs. Pawar asked Kamala for water, then went to the window and looked down at the city. Caitlin implored Mrs. Pawar and Kamala to make sure that Maanik’s bedroom was aired out with the windows open twice a day, not just with plug-in fresheners, and that Maanik should also sit twice daily on the balcony, bundled up against the cold. Mrs. Pawar started to object, indicating an overlooking terrace to the east, but Caitlin pointed to a Japanese folding screen and suggested they use that for privacy.

Caitlin checked on Maanik one more time and bade the Pawars a good night. It wasn’t until Ben and Caitlin were in the elevator and nearly to the lobby that she allowed herself to ease from professional mode into her own mild release. She breathed through the slight queasiness and shakes.

“You okay?” Ben asked, noting her fingers’ trembling.

“Will be.”

But the feeling only grew as they stepped outside. A burning smell surrounded her, as if someone had lit a fire in a fireplace in one of the surrounding buildings. And then she felt eyes on her again, and a cold so thorough she shivered under her coat. She stopped just as they reached the sidewalk.

“Caitlin?” Ben asked. “What is it?”

“I feel like I’m being watched,” she murmured. Somehow it was harder to tell Ben this than any of the other bizarre details of the past few days.

Ben looked around. Save for a few people walking their dogs, the street was relatively free of pedestrians. He glanced up at the lowest windows in the building. There was no one looking down.

“I’m sure it’s some kind of emotional aftershock,” she said. “Paranoia. Let’s get a cab.”

“On second thought… ,” Ben said.

“What?”

“A security chief told me once that if you feel like you’ve got eyes on you, don’t take a cab. You don’t know who’s driving it, and you don’t know if they’ve been waiting for you out of your sight.”

“But I don’t think anyone’s actually watching me.”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re going to walk to the subway.”

He put his arm around her and they headed north, then west. There was a mild crosstown wind and Caitlin didn’t stop trembling until they reached Grand Central. They went through the main door instead of one of the side entrances. The turquoise vaulted ceiling and pale stars, the brass and opal clock in the center, helped her feel that she was standing on firm ground again.

“Better?” Ben asked.

“Much.” She smiled. There were a great many people here, and shops were still open. It was all very normal, almost cheerful. She straightened; she hadn’t realized that she had been curling into Ben’s side. He pulled his arm away but not completely, leaving his hand on her back as they strolled to the subway entrance.

“Let’s talk about something that has nothing to do with anything,” Ben suggested.

His flustered tone made Caitlin laugh and he chuckled with her. It took about two seconds for Caitlin to snap back to the larger reality.

“Her hair,” she said as they headed toward the subway steps. “That was just impossible. I mean, there’s no other word for it.”

“Cai, let your brain off the hook for a while,” Ben said as he slid his MetroCard from its holder. “I know you want to drive straight at the problem, but we both know that if we don’t give our brains a rest, a real rest, it fogs up the windshield.”

“You are right, O wise one.” She grinned. “Okay. I’ll power down. You’re taking the 6 home?”

“No, I’ll see you home first.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. But in case there are eyes on you, I’m taking you home.”

Caitlin felt a rebellious kick against his white knighthood—and ignored it. She knew she had a much better chance of powering down if he was there, staying alert.

As they walked to the Shuttle train platform, Caitlin looked at all the faces around her, allowing herself to just see them, not read them. This kind of passive observation was primarily a right-brain activity, which is why it was so relaxing for her, but it also allowed a simple love of people to come forth, the admiration of human beings that made her so happy to live in one of the world’s largest cities. Standing on the platform, she drank in the faces like fresh, pure water. And then, stepping onto the train and finding a pole to hang on to, she focused on Ben’s face as he held on beside her—that sweet, studious, heartbreaker face, all in one. The face that had been with her through some of the worst events she had ever experienced.

The train intercom chimed and she heard the old, familiar recording, “Stand clear of the closing doors.” Ben was looking down at someone’s tablet over her shoulder, reading whatever she was reading. Caitlin reached up to Ben’s now-stubbled cheek. He gave her a half smile but didn’t look up, intent on finishing the page before the passenger scrolled to the next.

Too bad , Caitlin thought as she gently pulled his head down and kissed him. He did not mind the interruption. To the contrary, it was something he’d been waiting patiently for—not just tonight but since he first laid eyes on her. He gave her his fullest attention and suddenly they were sheltered in complete and quiet privacy. Their lips felt like fire and water and air all in one—until the train jolted and they bumped noses and laughed. But only for a moment, because Ben pulled her in close with one arm and kissed her twenty years deep.

Many long kisses later, they reached the door of Caitlin’s apartment building. Ben hesitated on the sidewalk.

“Well, this is awkward,” he tried to joke.

“You can come up,” she said, turning his face to meet her eyes.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. But—”

“I know.” He grinned. “We have to dial it back.”

“Huh?” she said, before realizing what he had meant. “No. Maanik’s drawing. I want to check it out now .”

They both laughed as she led the way up the brownstone steps, her back burning warmly and steadily under his gaze.

Jacob was asleep and so was the sitter, who departed drowsily. Ben sat at the table and pulled his tablet out of his bag, bringing up Maanik’s scrawl. Caitlin—who was immediately preoccupied again with the puzzle—realized she desperately wanted the drawing to mean something. Because she also knew that what she had told the Pawars was true: she could not justify leaving Maanik at home very much longer.