Temi Oh - Do You Dream of Terra-Two?

‘I actually thought you might know a little about them,’ said Commander Sheppard.

‘Why?’ Astrid asked.

‘Because they’re some weird Christian sect,’ Harry said.

‘They claim they’re Christians,’ Juno said, leaning forwards and making dramatic air-quotes, ‘but they’re some kind of doomsday cult.’

‘Sounds like the same thing to me,’ Cai said. He smiled. Juno did not.

The short moment of tension was diffused by the rush of feet up the hall, and they all turned as Jesse burst into the room, his eyes wide as if he was expecting a slap. He looked quickly at Juno, then said, ‘I’m sorry I’m late.’

‘Only by a few minutes,’ Dr Golinsky said, and gestured towards his bowl. He wavered for a moment and then came to sit between Eliot and Juno, still breathing hard.

‘Where have you been?’ Sheppard asked.

‘The greenhouse. I lost track of time.’

‘Cai tells me you’ve been doing great work up there.’

‘Does that mean we’ll be having something other than canned food and macronutrient broth soon?’ Harry asked.

‘In a few weeks,’ Cai replied.

‘Why are they a cult?’ Astrid asked.

‘What are you talking about?’ Jesse looked up at her.

‘Apparently a group called the New Creationists stole the statue of Tessa Dalton from the quad back at school.’

‘The New Creationists?’ Jesse repeated. ‘Even their name sounds like a cult. Like a group of Bible-thumping Americans who burn copies of On the Origin Of Species .’

‘They are American,’ Fae said, ‘and they have a point. I’m sure you’d agree, Commander. They talk about the holes being torn in the ozone layer, ice caps melting, all the bees disappearing and the extreme weather we’ve been having. That bit is true, you know. Climate change is taking place before our eyes and about twenty years ago was the time to do something about it. They believe it’s not a coincidence that Terra-Two appeared right now, right in this century when we need it. And sometimes I’m inclined to agree.’

‘Hmm.’ Commander Sheppard put his spoon down. ‘They do have a point, but I don’t approve of their ways of getting their message out there. Stealing the statue is an act of vandalism.’

‘No.’ Juno shook her head. ‘They don’t think that Terra-Two is a second chance. They think that it’s the new Eden. Like the Garden of Eden. Like in the Bible. They think that only a few chosen people are destined to go there.’

‘I suppose that’s quite a whimsical comparison…’ Fae said. ‘One could see it that way. It’s untouched. Fresh water and clean air. No war. No history. And in a way, we have been chosen.’

‘Okay,’ Harry threw his hands up in mock surrender. ‘I don’t see why we need to get all religious about this. We – humans – chose who would go. We—’ he waved at the party sat around the table, ‘were picked because we’re qualified. Not because of destiny or God or anything. Think about it: there’s no intelligent life on that planet, in the whole solar system, in fact. From where I’m sitting, consciousness seems like a pretty rare thing. Isn’t it our job to spread our ideas, our technology, our humanity as far across this empty space as possible? I don’t see why you’re so caught up on making Terra better; why can’t we just make it an- other ? Another Earth, another Britain, another empire.’

Juno shuddered.

‘I hope you’ve realized,’ said Jesse, ‘that the 1967 Outer Space Treaty means that no one country is allowed to own Terra-Two. The moon doesn’t belong to the Americans and the Russians don’t own Mars. Assuming we are the first to land on T2, it won’t belong to Britain. It will be international commons. “The province of all mankind”.’

‘I know. I’m just saying,’ Harry continued, ‘that everyone says that humans are the problem, that we destroy everything we touch, but we’re creative and resourceful. We survive in the most inhospitable environments – like out here! – we build things out of nothing, we create diamonds in labs and we eradicated smallpox. We’re amazing. We’re fucking brilliant. We’ll make Terra-Two better just by being there. We’ll bring it to life. Intelligent life.’

Eliot saw it again, then. Some shape in the darkness behind the window. At first it looked like his own reflection but the second time he looked…

‘Eliot?’ Dr Golinsky’s eyes followed his to the window. ‘What is it?’

‘Oh… I just—’ he stared back at his bowl. ‘I thought I saw something, that’s all. ‘

He didn’t have to raise his spoon to his mouth to know that he couldn’t eat any more, and when he glanced up again he saw her. Ara. She was floating behind the glass, her lips stained black, her eyes half-open and sightless.

It was all Eliot could do not to cry out in horror. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the image would disappear. His heart was tight as a fist in his chest and the blood drained from his head.

‘Eliot?’ It was Dr Golinsky’s voice, but he was too scared to look up at her, in case he might have to see that face again, that terrible face. ‘Eliot, are you okay?’

He didn’t remember getting up from the table, only he must have because the next thing he knew he was running down the corridor. He made it to the bathroom just in time to vomit in the sink. Gazing at the sludge of macro broth curdled with bile as it washed down the plughole, Eliot knew that he would never be able to stomach it again.

He sank down onto the floor, his head pressed against his knees, shaking all over, his heart galloping behind his ribs.

A few minutes later, the door creaked open. Eliot dreaded looking up to find the confused face of one of his crew members. How could he explain to Juno or Harry what was wrong with him? He squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Go away,’ he hissed, but a cold hand touched his. For just a second, he thought it might be Ara, as cold as she had been in his arms when he’d pulled her out of the river and clung to her until the ambulance came.

When he opened his eyes, Cai was crouching down beside him. ‘It’s okay,’ he said, his stained fingers tight on Eliot’s skin. ‘It’s okay.’ He said it again in a soft voice that Eliot had never heard him use before.

‘ What is okay?’ Eliot heard himself say when he could finally speak.

Cai leant back on his feet, the bones in his thighs making a sharp line through his trousers. ‘When I was eleven, my father hanged himself in the downstairs bathroom. Tied an extension cable around his neck and the exposed piping in the ceiling and then let go.’

Eliot shuddered.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

‘Don’t apologize,’ Cai said. ‘You can’t hold onto these things.’ He took a pen out of his pocket and pulled back a sleeve, exposing the olive skin on his wrist. He began to draw a hexagon, some bent lines, NH2, OH, OH, all the blue veins in his arm protruding. ‘Do you know what this is?’

‘No, it looks like some molecule…?’

‘Dopamine,’ Cai said. ‘And this?’ He quickly sketched another molecule.

‘Serotonin?’ Eliot guessed.

‘These are the only things that really make you happy.’

Eliot glanced up at him. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘People will try to tell you that it was some misalignment of the stars, or that she had some sickness in her soul. Some blackness that, if you had fathomed it earlier, you could have called her out of and made her whole again.’ Eliot felt a lump rise in his throat. ‘But that’s not true. It’s just bad chemistry, mixed-up biology. Not enough monoamines to make her happy. Ara was a sick person. My dad was a sick person. There is nothing I could have done to save him.’