Temi Oh - Do You Dream of Terra-Two?

‘I’d say no wonder everyone is worried about you. So what are you now? A magician?’

Astrid tried to laugh. ‘I made a bargain with God.’ She sighed and closed her eyes. Maybe she hadn’t slept for a long while, there were shadows under her eyes and dirty tear stains streaked her hollowed-out cheeks.

‘It was something Jesse said,’ she began, ‘about Abraham, and how he had to kill his son.’

‘Don’t tell me I know more Bible than you do. Abraham was told to kill his son and then God stopped him at the last moment.’

‘That part doesn’t matter. He was asked to give up the thing he loved the most. To make a sacrifice.’

‘That part matters the most. What does this have to do with anything?’

Her lips were quivering. ‘I’ve been thinking about the thing that I love most. My heart’s desire, the thing that drove me to cheat the tests at Dalton. I had to give it up in order to save you.’ A slow tide of dread rose up in Juno’s stomach. She wanted to reach out her hand to stop Astrid before she could say something terrible.

‘I have to give up Terra-Two… and I have to go back to Earth.’

‘I don’t understand,’ said Juno. ‘You wanted to go the most. Out of all of us.’

‘I know…’ Astrid swallowed. ‘But I was thinking about Tessa Dalton. I always felt sorry for her. That she was the prophet. The woman who discovered Terra-Two but never actually went there. But then Igor said that maybe that was never the point. Maybe she never had to.’

26.02.13

TEMPERATURE: -24°C

O 2: 57% SEA LEVEL

HOURS UNTIL RESCUE: 48

JESSE KNEW THAT IF it had not been for their profound luck – crossing into the path of the Shēngmìng – they would certainly have died before the Russians reached them. The captain of the Chinese ship had agreed to send a resupply vessel with the spare parts they would need to repair their service module, along with two flight engineers. Jesse had asked Poppy to ask Xiao Lin the reason for her generosity.

‘ Out here, ’ she had told them over the speaker, ‘ we are all fellow travellers. Maybe one day, when we too reach Terra-Two, the crew of the Damocles will remember our kindness and embrace our children and grandchildren. ’

Even in the final two days before the engineers on the resupply shuttle were due to rendezvous with the Damocles , it felt as if everything was falling apart. The cold was devastating and drilled at their bones relentlessly. Although the Beta huddled in the dim light of the crew module, wrapped in duvets, both Harry and Eliot now had fluid in their lungs, and struggled to breathe without assistance.

Something about the helplessness of their situation roused dormant leadership qualities in Jesse. He found that he was the one who could remain calm in the face of death, did not check his body obsessively for the signs of it: frostbite, pulmonary oedema, hypoxia. He exhorted everyone to try to move as much as possible to keep their blood flowing, he cracked the jokes. A couple of days after Poppy had told them about the Shēngmìng , it was he who had gathered them all in the kitchen for the meeting.

‘So,’ he said, standing up at the end of the table, ‘I’m sure you’ve all been counting down the hours until the Shēngmìng ’s shuttle arrives, but in case you haven’t, we’re down to about forty-eight.’

Astrid clasped her mittened hands together. ‘Thank God!’

‘They’re going to mend the service module and bring us some new medical supplies,’ Jesse said. ‘Once the repairs are done, we’ll be back on course, to Terra-Two. In a couple of months we’ll reach Saturn, Igor and Eliot will launch the gravity-assist drive and then there’s no turning back.’ The table between them was satined with frost, and their breath clouded the air. ‘So, I’m offering everyone the chance to decide again. Do we, knowing all that we know now, all the risks, want to keep going? Does anyone want to return home, on our shuttle? With the help of the engineers, Astrid and Eliot can refit the life support system that they removed and anyone who wants to can return to Earth.’

Poppy’s eyes widened, and she looked around at the rest of the crew. ‘You’re saying that some of us can still go home?’

‘That’s right,’ Jesse said. ‘But whether to stay or go: it’s not a choice anyone can make for you.’ They all shifted uncomfortably.

Not one day had gone by for Jesse without the keen pain of longing for the comforts of home. For the habitable envelope of Earth’s atmosphere, for the safety of solid ground. He wondered who would say it first.

He looked around the table and his eyes met Harry’s. Harry, whose scars were still hidden by bandages, one arm in a sling, voice slurred and slowed by the painkillers he had not stopped taking. Jesse had never believed that he could feel sorry for Harry when, for years, all he had felt was envy for the boy who seemed to have everything. But he’d abandoned it all on Earth; his parents’ wealth and fame, the well-charted route his life could have taken. University, a graduate scheme, his father’s investment company, doe-eyed wife and straw-haired kids.

‘Well,’ Harry said through chattering teeth, ‘t-this is the end of this hellish ride. For me. I-I want out.’ Harry looked around the table for support, expecting a chorus of agreement. It didn’t come. His gaze fell on Poppy. ‘Don’t you?’ he asked.

Jesse would be sorry to see Poppy go. The crew needed someone like her. Someone who was gentle and empathetic, who resolved arguments and tried to understand everyone’s point of view.

‘You know,’ said Poppy, ‘I think if you’d asked me the same question a month ago, I would have said yes in a heartbeat.’

‘And now?’ Juno glanced at Poppy hopefully. It was almost as if the ordeal of the past few weeks had filled her with a new and clear resolve. Her storm-coloured eyes shone in a way they hadn’t before.

‘Now I have a family. Now, I have sisters.’ She took Juno’s hand and squeezed it. ‘Even if they can be stubborn. This place is my home.’

‘And mine, also,’ said Fae.

‘Did you hear about it?’ Poppy asked, glancing between Fae and the rest of the crew. ‘Fae’s fiancé—’

‘Moritz, meine Liebe .’ Fae smiled to herself, twisting her ring around her finger.

‘We heard from the Russians that he’s been chosen for Die Ersten Vierzig ,’ Poppy explained. ‘The German group going to Terra-Two. A few people dropped out. After what happened to us and the Orlando , not so many people want to sign up to die in space. So Moritz was chosen from the backup crew.’

‘We will be reunited on the other side. On Terra-Two,’ Fae said.

‘But you can be together on Earth too,’ Harry said.

‘Yes,’ Fae agreed. ‘But then what happens to you? When I was asked to come in Maggie Millburrow’s place, for a little while, I have to tell you, I hated all of you. But now…’ She shrugged.

‘I think that’s the closest Fae will ever get to saying she likes us,’ said Poppy.

‘Well, I do,’ Igor said. ‘You brave young people. But I was never going to leave. My mission is here.’

‘Mine too,’ said Cai.

Jesse didn’t want the others to feel pressured to follow in their footsteps. He turned to Eliot and said, ‘Well, if, like Harry, any of you would prefer not to continue, now is your chance.’

Jesse knew that they would need Eliot’s engineering genius on Terra-Two. But, back on Earth, he could recover from his breakdown. Found a start-up with skinny-jeaned whizz-kids in Silicon Valley.