Charles Sheffield: Higher Education

“We are quite sure that you moved.” The principal stepped away from the wall screen. “But where did you move to? During the lunch period we managed to identify every student in school today, in both the first and the second picture. I should say, every student except one. You are present in the first image, and absent in the second. Now would you like to confess?”

Rick shook his head. They had him on ice, but he wasn’t going to admit it. He would plead innocent today, and tomorrow, and if necessary for the whole of the next two years, until the end of his time in school.

It was with disbelief that he heard Principal Rigden saying, “I quite agree with you, Congresswoman Pearl, and with the other Board Members. Guilt is established beyond reasonable doubt. Such people have absolutely no place in this school or in our school system. We will take action for expulsion as soon as the necessary signatures can be obtained and the paperwork completed.”

“For the final, official decision.” Delia Pearl stared stonily at Rick. “But unofficially, pending that decision, expulsion will happen today.”

“Today?” Principal Rigden hesitated. “Very well. Of course.” She turned to Rick. “You are expelled from this school, effective immediately. The final notification will follow in a day or two. Please collect your possessions and leave the premises as soon as possible.”

“You can’t do that!” Expulsion, for a simple practical joke that had really hurt no one? Rick knew a student who had broken his language teacher’s arm, and another who had deliberately run over a science teacher in his car. Explosive booby traps for other teachers had been set, filled with shit or warm tar. But those people had received only trifling punishments.

“I think you must let us decide what we can and cannot do.”

“I’ll sue. I will.”

For a second everyone stared at him. Then they all smiled.

“Sue a congresswoman?” The principal laughed aloud. “And what lawyer do you suppose will take your case? Get out, Luban. You are as ignorant as you are stupid. Go.”

Delia Pearl’s mouth twisted with satisfaction, and she turned to Preebane. “Willis, I do not feel that we can trust this young man one little hit. Would you please accompany him when he collects his possessions, and then escort him off the premises.”

“Of course.” Preebane did not even look to the principal for confirmation.

Rick was led away. He was too dazed to resist. He hardly saw Hoss or Screw or the other members of his class as he picked up his school bag, and he did not say a word when he was escorted to the front door and his ID was cancelled from the entry system. He walked out into the afternoon sunlight and stared around him as though he was on an alien planet.

He went to the side of the school, walked out beyond the sports field, and sat on the grass. He was still sitting there when school was released for the day. Occasional students passed by. No one spoke to him. He did not stir or speak to them. Only when a long afternoon shadow fell across him, and silently remained there, did he look up.

It was Mr. Hamel, more like a turtle than ever as he stood motionless with his head pushed slightly forward. He nodded at Rick.

“Caught at last, Luban. And not before time.”

“You heard what happened?”

“The whole school heard. Would you like to talk to me about it?” And, when Rick shook his head, “Very well. That is your option.” He began to walk away across the grass.

“Wait!” Rick struggled to his feet and hurried after him. “I don’t want to talk, but I want to ask. ”

“Better yet. We learn by asking, not by talking.” Hamel continued on his way, slowly pacing out of the school grounds and into the street. “So ask.”

“Why me? I mean, why did the motherfuckers dump on me like that? What I did wasn’t any big deal compared to some of the shit that goes down all the time in school.”

They had come to a bench. Hamel sat down on it and gestured to Rick to join him.

“Must you employ such language? Is your vocabulary so meager that you are incapable of other forms of expression?”

“What’ll you do, expel me? You never hear people talk like that?”

“I hear people talk like that every day.” Hamel sighed. “It never ceases to grate. Do you want people to wish that you were not around them? It’s easy enough to do. Or do you want answers?”

“Answers. Why did they dump on me?”

“Very well. Answers you shall have.” Hamel paused, studying Rick from battered sneakers to razor-cut hair. “You are not stupid, Luban. But you are a fool. For one thing, you consort with people like Savage and Carlin, who really are stupid. You are also ignorant, cynical, amoral, and unthinking. Wait a moment.” He held up his hand. Rick was starting to stand up. “I am going to answer your question—or rather, I am going to let you answer it. You are—how old? Sixteen? So you have been in the education system for eleven years. And what have you learned?”

“My grades are all right.”

“Certainly. Because nothing is required of you. It is easy to hit a target pasted to the end of the rifle. We are also required to make you feel good about yourself. The technical term is to ‘raise your self esteem.’ While you were in school I could not have spoken to you this way, because you had to be protected from the truth. Now I can. Despite all the work that we have done to raise your self esteem, surely you must know that you’ve learned very little.”

“I do all right,” Rick protested again—half-heartedly.

“You ‘do all right.’ Indeed. What does that mean? Let us examine what you know.

“You can read short, simple words, but only those you have seen before. You have a reasonable speaking vocabulary—when you choose to exercise it—but you are unable to read more than half of the words that you know. You have a rudimentary knowledge of simple science, and you can do simple arithmetic. I’ve hammered some biology into your skull, but you know little mathematics, and no economics, geography, history, arts, or languages. You can recite all manner of juvenile song lyrics, but you are ignorant of real poetry and literature. And you would be little better if you stayed here another two years and graduated.”

“Reading from books is a waste of time. Like adding up numbers. I got a calculator to do that. Reading’s ancient history. The readers do it for us fine.”

“They do—when they work, and when you have one available. But you miss a point. A person who cannot read can also not write. Writing—and revision—is essential for completeness and clarity of expression. But I do not want to digress. You have been in the education system for eleven years. How much, in that time, have you learned about the system itself, and how it works?”

Rick considered the question. He had never had the slightest interest in the education system. Nor did anyone else in his right mind.

“Not much.”

“But you have enough information to work things out for yourself. For instance, whom do I work for—to whom do I report?”

“Principal Rigden.”

“And to whom does she report?”

“I dunno. I guess, the Board of Education.”

“Good enough. There are a couple more layers in there, but that will do. Now here’s another question. How much of the county and state’s total budget goes on education? I don’t expect you to know the answer to that, so I will tell you. It is about four tenths. That’s an awful lot of money, a huge vested interest at work. Now, who decides what that amount will be and how it should be allocated?”

“Congress?”

“For all practical purposes. Very good. So let us climb the ladder of status in society. If you play one of your unfunny ‘jokes’ on a teacher, and are caught, you pay a small price. But a teacher, most students are amazed to learn, is the lowest form of life in the school system. Do something to the principal, that’s worse, and the punishment is more severe. To a Board of Education member, worse yet. And to a congresswoman, who is also a member of the Board of Education—”