Allison DuBois - Don't Kiss Them Good-bye

Diane was a light-eyed, free-spirited young woman who easily made friends. Jim was a vibrant, loving, good-looking young guy. They met in high school in 1968. She was fifteen and he was seventeen. They parted ways when Jim went into the service, but they were reunited a few years later and married within a month. They were happy together and embraced their new family.

In the 1970s, five years and two months into their wedded bliss, their time together was cut short.

Fast forward to 2001, when I met her. Diane showed up for a group session hoping to hear from someone special on the other side. I stepped forward and hugged her; we then took our seats to begin the session. When Diane’s turn came, she asked if I saw anyone with her. I told her I saw a man who looked to be from the early 1970s, with a mustache but no beard. He was saying something about his hair being somehow significant to him. It was shorter on the sides than in the back. He was wearing tight jeans and had a cute butt. He was highly attractive, with a stunning smile. He was tall, thin, and broad-shouldered, and he was showing me an acoustic guitar.

Diane said, “That’s my husband, Jim. He had a mustache and no beard because he wasn’t able to grow a beard.” Diane seemed amused by that.

I said, “He died of head trauma at the hands of another person.” Diane confirmed this and added that Jim had died in the 1970s.

“He keeps showing me a smoke-filled room, like a bar.” Diane shared that Jim had indeed met his killers in a bar.

“He’s telling me that there was a woman involved in his murder. He says he didn’t die right away. He also says that the people responsible were convicted of a lesser charge but that they are still paying for what they did to him.” Diane said that indeed there was a woman involved in Jim’s murder, the people responsible were convicted of a lesser charge, and Jim had not died right away.

Jim then told me to tell Diane that he was sorry. Diane said she understood everything and not to be sorry. I told her that Jim said he always knew she was a smart woman, and that Jim was sharing with me that he had known in advance it was his time to go. Diane responded that Jim had always said he thought he would die before thirty, and that he was twenty-six when he passed. Often people have a sense of when their life will draw to a close.

While being interviewed for this book, Diane divulged the events leading up to Jim’s death. I am sharing the details so that young people realize that we have to be careful about whom we trust. People can change their tune in an instant. I hope that Jim’s story can make people more aware of their personal safety.

Diane was glad to share her story because it helps to talk about what happened to her husband. There are always loved ones left in the aftermath of such selfish and violent acts like the one causing Jim’s death. The survivors need closure and remembrance of those they’ve lost.

This is my way of memorializing Jim for the good person he was. Jim is now gone, and one day his killers will have to answer for what they’ve done. Although I believe in a loving God, I also believe in a just God. The acts of violent criminals are always remembered in the end.

The people who killed Jim were slight acquaintances, but he trusted them because it was in his character to trust. People who would never hurt others usually assume that everyone values human life in the same way. Unfortunately, they don’t.

Jim got into a car with a woman and two men he had met that night for the first time at the bar; they went to see if a mutual acquaintance was home, but he wasn’t. They were headed back to the bar when a dispute erupted between the passengers. The driver pulled the car over one block from the bar, slamming on his brakes so hard that the noise roused a married couple in a nearby house from their sleep. The witnesses saw Jim and the driver exit the vehicle. The driver karate- kicked Jim in the head and knocked him to the ground. The female then joined in the assault by kicking Jim in the head repeatedly with her platform shoes.

A second male attacker exited the vehicle and also kicked Jim. He then grabbed the fender of the vehicle for leverage while jumping on Jim’s already injured head. The original male attacker then pulled the second male off Jim and they took off in their car. One of the neighbors who witnessed the attack ran to Jim’s aid and held him while waiting for the paramedics to come. Jim’s only words to the woman were “Where is my wife?”

Jim regained consciousness in the hospital, where he identified his attackers (They were arrested.) Jim also told Diane to call her mother so that he could talk to her. Jim was very close to Diane’s mother and thought of her as his own mom. He called her up and weakly said, “Mom, I’m coming home.” Whatever he meant by that, he died within two weeks. Diane was certain that Jim knew he wasn’t going to make it.

While I was interviewing Diane for my book, she shared with me that three days before we met, Jim had made himself known to her through a dream. Sometimes it’s easier for spirits to reach us in our dreams because our defenses are down when we sleep.

In our group session, I said to Diane that Jim had come to her before in a dream; this served as validation for her. In her dream Jim put his arms around Diane and held her, saying “I’ve waited a long time for this.”

To clarify Diane’s interpretation of this statement, I’ll preface it with a brief explanation. Prior to our reading, Diane had contacted a show featuring a medium; she wanted to attend, hoping for closure on her husband’s death. Her kids had checked the phone messages and apparently had lost the call-back information left by the show. Diane was disappointed at missing the opportunity. A coworker had told her about my group sessions; the rest is history.

Diane felt that Jim had repeatedly tried to bring her to a third party (a medium) to receive confirmation of his presence. She said she was certain that visiting a medium was what she was supposed to do. She understood Jim’s statement to mean that he’d been waiting a long time for her to receive validation and closure.

During Diane’s reading, I had given her a message from Jim. She did not share with me what it meant until much later, when interviewed for this book. I had told her that Jim said there was a dark-haired man whom he didn’t trust. Jim said to tell her, “He hasn’t changed, so don’t be fooled.”

Diane said this was what convinced her beyond a doubt that Jim had come through to her. She said that her husband was a nice guy who trusted absolutely everybody, with the exception of one relative; Jim was so leery of this man that he wasn’t permitted in their home.

This relative came to see him in the hospital after the assault. As soon as he left the hospital room, Jim grabbed Diane’s collar, pulled Diane down to him and whispered in her ear, “Don’t trust him, he hasn’t changed, so don’t be fooled.” Jim had given me the words that meant the world to Diane. There were only three people who knew of this episode: Jim, Diane, and her mother. Diane had never shared the story with anyone else until now.

Jim was making it clear as he come through that it was important to him to acknowledge a daughter, so I asked Diane whether he had one. She hesitated and then said that yes, he had a stepdaughter. Jim was ruffled by this answer and conveyed to me that he considered her his daughter. I shared this with Diane, and she smiled. She said Jim used to get mad when people called Angie his stepdaughter and he’d always correct them. Even in death, his feelings hadn’t changed.

I told Diane to tell Angie that Jim said he plays with his grandchildren. (Diane shared this with Angie after the reading, and Angie said she knew it. She said her little ones always seem amused by something that seemingly isn’t there.) Diane went on to tell me that she has six grandchildren and was quickly corrected by Jim, who said, “Not you—we have six grandchildren.”