Песах Амнуэль - Zion's Fiction - A Treasury of Israeli Speculative Literature

“My place … and who pays your rent? Never mind. It’s not any business of mine. Besides, I do have an invitation. You never call home and you’ve received another notice from the army. You’re bound to end up in the stockade. So I called here to tell you. Max answered, and we talked a great deal. A very nice boy, Max is. I was highly impressed by his views. He invited me to come visit. He said maybe he could help me become a whole person again. Shame on you for not letting me know what’s going on in your place. I could have started working on myself a long time ago.”

“Enough with it, Mom!”

“Enough with what, Ido?”

“Stop with it already.”

“Stop with what, Ido?”

“Stop with this game. It’s stupid and it doesn’t fool me any longer. I know what you’re trying to do.”

“Of course you know. Wouldn’t have thought you didn’t. Big secret…. What do people come here for? Purification, meditation techniques. Making the world a better place. Becoming whole again….”

“People, yes. You? No. You’ve come here for one reason only: to keep an eye on your little Ido’leh, lest he regrow the wings that you clipped. Keep me close and small underneath your apron. That’s what you’ve always wanted.”

“Listen, sweetheart, it’s not at all like that. Things change….”

“What things? What change? Nothing changes. Well, perhaps things change, but you don’t. An equation with zero unknowns. The Soviet Empire may have collapsed, but you’ve remained the same: never let up, not for a moment. Help! Save me! The Polish Secret Service is after me!”

“Enough with the histrionics, Ido. You’re making yourself a nuisance. People here are trying to concentrate on their meditation. You’re a nuisance to me too. I’m in the middle of the Third Cycle, the crucial one. Why don’t we have this conversation later on? You find me during suppertime, we’ll sit down over a dish of rice and celery and talk about your anger and frustrations. Okay, sweetheart?”

“No supper, no nothing! Get out of my life, right now, this moment! You know how much I hate celery!”

“You haven’t changed, Ido. You’ll always be mother’s little spoiled boy. Ommmm Shaaaanti, Ommmm Shaaaanti, Ommmm Shaaaanti, haiiii! ”

Mother closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and began chanting mantras in ancient Indian. These were not my mother’s words. Could it be the aliens messed with her head?

I was left alone with a deep sense of betrayal, a burning disappointment with life and one huge question mark: Et tu, Mommy ?

Disco time. I pulled out the disc already in the player, threw it minus its box into the drawer that already was a disorderly mess of discs. None in its original box. Pulled out the Pixies disc from the Deep Forest box and put it in. Turned the volume all the way up to help them with their evening meditation.

Lay back on my bed, hitting the wall with my feet to the beat of the music. Happy as a clam. Really. Got everything I needed right here in this room. No reason to go anywhere else. In the top drawer I had a carton and a half Winston Lites, so I won’t get stuck with nothing to smoke. In the middle drawer there were two boxes of Hogla tissue paper, should I wish to cry (Cry? Crying is for cunts!). In the bottom drawer I kept two dried bushes, courtesy of my friendly neighborhood dealer. Crumble half a leaf into your cigarette, it helps you go through the day. In the closet there was everything needed for munching: two giant bars of milk chocolate with raisins and nuts, Pringles, and three family-size bottles of Coke. On the bedside table there was a carved wooden box from India, which always had a few bills inside to pay for this partying. Where did the money come from? I didn’t know, I never asked. But the footprints of Tony’s polished hooves were quite obvious. Like everything else done in this cult, Tony always came and went, moved and shook, got everything organized.

And there was, of course, my phone: pretty, small, black, lying quietly in a corner.

I went through my address book and couldn’t find anyone whose life I could telephonically ruin. But this gave me an idea. I went through the drawers until I found my old phone book. Opened it on D and called Doron. Mali answered. She didn’t recognize my voice; it’s been a long time.

I didn’t say who’s talking. I asked for Doron and got him.

“Hey, you worm, what about the MAG? Ready for inspection?”

“Ido! You blob of organic fertilizer, why don’t you ever call?” Doron enthused. “Howzzit with you, you piece of nothing?”

“All’s well,” I said. “I’m in Tel Aviv, doing nothing in particular.”

“I’ve left a million messages with your mother, even sent you an invitation to our wedding. We’d said we’ll remain friends for life.”

“So we said, but….”

“No buts. You’re coming over for a visit with us right this week.”

“Tell you the truth, Dori, I didn’t want to come to yours and Mali’s wedding. It would have been awkward.”

“Awkward how? We never kept secrets from each other. What’s the fuss, ha ha, did you screw my sister or something?”

“No. I mean, not your sister. Mali. In our end-of-service party. Remember how we both disappeared? Mali took me to some fortress by the sea. There was this nice sand on the floor, and she screamed and scratched my back when I fucked her. Lucky for me, she didn’t have long fingernails. Then she wanted some more. We did it slow that time. She smiled and looked me in the eyes as I nailed her. She then said size does matter. I screwed your wife, Doron, and she told me you have a small pecker. Like I didn’t know, after three years of taking showers together.”

There was silence at the other end of the line.

“See you ’round, Dori. I just thought you should know.”

I hung up. Just as it seemed things were going downhill all the way, it turns out I still have it in me. Besides, I only did my friend a favor. Dori deserves better than this Mali. Come on, I don’t even know under what rock he’d found her. I left the room in high spirits. Everything’s going my way today.

My happiness was temporary, quite temporary. As I opened the door, I saw Osher in the meditation hall. Suddenly an idea came to me. Holy rage filled me, a desire to take revenge burned in me. I improvised freely, not thinking at all.

“Hello! What’s my girlfriend doing here?”

The small crowd in our living room shook off their meditation trance all at once. They all turned toward me, gawking. Osher opened her eyes and turned toward me too.

“I’m no longer your girlfriend, Ido. I may do whatever I want to. Get used to it.”

“That you’re no longer my girlfriend, I already know. What I’m wondering about is why?”

“Ido, get out. You’re interfering with the community’s search for light,” said Max calmly, majestically.

“Search for light my ass. Search for my girlfriend, you had to say,” I said to him. “I know this was what you wanted from the start.” I turned to Osher. “How long has he been ‘guiding’ you?”

“Almost from the beginning, but I never came out to the living room. Didn’t want you to see me. Didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“Of course you didn’t want to hurt my feelings. You were fucking Max.”

“Ido, stop this crazy nonsense. You know that is not true,” said Max. His voice wasn’t all that calm now.

“No fucking way I stop. I’ve just begun.”

“Ido, not in front of everybody. It’s disturbing to them. Let’s go out, talk about it like two civilized people.”

“Contrariwise, in front of everybody. Why the fuck not? It’s only me you screwed with? You screw with them as well. They have a right to know.”