Scott Lynch - Red Seas Under Red Skies

Caldris rose from his knees, groaning, and wiped a few smears of blood on his tunic. "Right. If that can't help, we never had a fuckin" chance."

"Beg pardon," said Jean, "but it seems to me you could possibly have mentioned us along with yourself—"

"Don't think nothing of it, de Ferra. I prosper, you prosper. I cop it, you're screwed. Praying for my health works to your full advantage. Now, put the cat in the basket, Kosta, and let's do some business."

A few minutes later, Caldris had Locke and Jean seated beside one another at the rear of the dinghy, which was still lashed firmly to several iron rings set into the stone of the plaza. The covered basket was sitting on the tiny deck of the dinghy at Locke's feet, occasionally emitting bumping and scratching noises.

"Right," said Caldris, "far as the basics go, a boat is just a little ship and a ship is just a bigger boat. Hull goes in the water, mast points toward the sky." "Of course," said Locke, as Jean nodded vigorously.

"The nose of your boat is called the bow, the arse is called the stern. Ain't no right and left at sea. Right is starboard, left is larboard. Say right or left and you're liable to get whipped. And remember, when you're directing someone else, it's the ship's starboard and larboard you're talking about, not your own."

"Look, little as we know, Caldris, I daresay we know that much," said Locke.

"Well, far be it from me to correct the young master," said Caldris, "but as this venture is somewhat in the way of completely fuckin" mad, and since all our lives are looking mighty cheap, I'm gonna start by presuming that you don't know water from weasel piss. Is that suitable by you, gentlemen?"

Locke opened his mouth to say something ill-advised, but Caldris went on.

"Now, unrack the oars. Slide "em in the rowlocks. Kosta, you're starboard oar. De Ferra, you're larboard." Caldris unlashed the dinghy from the iron rings, threw the ropes into the bottom of the boat and hopped down into it, landing just before the mast. He settled down onto his backside and grinned as the boat swayed. "I" ve locked the rudder tight for now. You two will do all our steering, gods help us.

"De Ferra, push us off from the quay. That's right. Nice and easy. Can't fly sails straight from the dockside; got to get some sea room first. Plus there's no breeze behind these walls for us to use anyway. Row gently. Pay attention as I move around… look how I'm making us wobble. Don't like that, do you? You're turning green, Kosta." "Hardly," muttered Locke.

"This is important. What I'm trying to tell you about now is called trim. Weight needs to be distributed sensible in a boat or a ship. I move to starboard, we heel over on Kosta's side. I move to larboard, we heel over even worse on de Ferra's side. Can't have that. That's why stowing cargo proper is so important on a ship. Gotta have balance fore and aft, starboard and larboard. Can't have the bow in the air or the stern r i higher than the mast. Looks silly, then you sink and die. That's basically what I mean when I says "trim". Now, time to learn how to row." "We already know how to—"

"I don't care what you think you know, Kosta. Until further notice, we're gonna presume that you're too dumb to count to one."

Locke would later swear that they must have spent two or three hours rowing around in circles on that artificial bay, with Caldris crying out, "Hard a-larboard! Back water! Hard a-starboard!" and a dozen other commands, seemingly at random. The sailing master constantly shifted his weight, left and right, forward and centre, to force them to fight for stability. To make things even more interesting, there was an obvious difference between the power of Jean's strokes and the power of Locke's, and they had to concentrate to avoid constantly turning to starboard. They were at it so long that Locke started in surprise when Caldris finally called for a halt to their labour.

"Vast rowing, you fuckin" toddlers." Caldris stretched and yawned. The sun was approaching the centre of the sky. Locke's arms felt wrung-out, his tunic was soaked through with sweat and he fervently wished that he'd had less coffee and more actual food for breakfast. "Better than you was two hours ago, I'll give you that. That and not much else. You gotta know your starboard and larboard, fore and aft, boats and oars like you know the width of your own cocks. Ain't no such thing as a calm or convenient emergency out on the blue."

The sailing master produced lunch from a leather sack at the bow of the dinghy, and they floated relaxingly in the middle of the enclosed square bay while they ate. The men shared black bread and hard cheese, while the kitten was let out to make quick work of a pat of butter in a stone crock. The skin that Caldris passed around was full of" pinkwater", warm rainwater mixed with just enough cheap red wine to partly conceal its stale, leathery taste. Caldris took only a few sips, but the two thieves rapidly finished it off.

"So, our ship is waiting for us somewhere around here," said Locke when his thirst was temporarily beaten down, "but where are we going to get a crew?"

"A fine question, Kosta. I wish I knew the answer. The Archon said the matter is being attended to, that's all." "I suspected you" d say something like that."

"No sense in dwelling on what's beyond our power at the moment," said Caldris. The sailing master lifted the kitten, who was still licking her greasy nose and paws, and stuck her back into the basket with surprising tenderness. "So, you" ve done some rowing. I'll get those men up top to open the gate, take the rudder and we're gonna head out and see if we can catch enough breeze to hoist some canvas. You two have any money in the things you left ashore?" "Some," said Locke. "Maybe twenty volani. Why?" "Then I'll bet you twenty volani that you two are gonna capsize us at least once before the sun goes down." "I thought you were here to teach us how to do things the right way?" "I am. And I damn well will! It's just that I know first-time sailors too well. Make the bet and the money's as good as mine. Hell, I'll pay up a full solari against your twenty silvers if I'm wrong." "I'm in," said Locke. "Jerome?"

"We've got the kitten and a blood blessing on our side," said Jean. "Underestimate us at your peril, Sailing Master."

It had been refreshing, at first, to work for a while in completely soaked tunic and breeches. After thed'r righted the dinghy and rescued the kitten, of course.

But now the sun was lowering in the west, casting a golden halo around the dark outlines of the battlements and towers above the Sword Marina, and the gentle harbour breeze had begun to chill Locke despite the fingering heat of the summer air.

He and Jean were rowing the dinghy toward the open gate to their private bay; Caldris had been happy to earn his twenty volani, but not happy enough that he was willing to trust them with the sails again.

"Vast rowing," said Caldris as they finally drifted near the edge of the stone plaza. Caldris tended to the business of tying them up again, while Locke stowed his oar and breathed a deep sigh of relief. Every muscle in his back slid painfully against those surrounding it, as though — someone had thrown grit in between them. He had a headache from the glare of sun on water, and the old wound in his left shoulder was demanding attention above and beyond his other aches.

Locke and Jean clambered stiffly out of the boat and stretched while Caldris, clearly amused, uncovered the basket and plucked the bedraggled kitten out of it. "There, there," he said, allowing it to nestle within his crossed arms. "The young masters didn't mean anything by that soaking they gave you. They got it just as bad." "Mrrrrrrrrreeeeew," it said.

"I fancy that means "fuck you"," said Caldris, "but at least we've got our lives. So what do you think, sirs? An educational day?"