Scott Lynch - Red Seas Under Red Skies

"If you'll just wait right there," said Locke, preparing to begin climbing, "one of us should be up in a few minutes and I'm sure we can discuss this civilly."

"I'm also sort of drawn to the idea of keepin" you two down there, if it's all the same to you, gents." The man moved slightly and a hatchet appeared in his right hand. "It's a mighty fine pair of choppers you" ve left up here with your coats, too. Damned fine. Ain't never seen the like." "That's very polite of you to say," yelled Locke. "Oh, sweet jumping fuck," muttered Jean.

"I might point out, however," continued Locke, "that our man at the carriage is due to check on us soon, and he'll have his crossbow with him."

"Oh, you mean the unconscious fellow I, like, jacked over the head with a rock, sir? Sorry to report that he was drunk." "I don't believe you. We didn't give him that much beer!"

"Beggin" pardon, but he weren't all that much man, gents. Skinny fellow, if you savvy. As it is, he's sleepin" now. And he didn't have no crossbow anyway. I checked." "Well, I hope you don't blame us for trying," said Locke.

"I don't, not one little bit. Good try. Very creditable, like. But I'm sort of interested, if you don't mind, in the wheres-abouts of your purses."

"Safely down here with us," said Locke. "We might be convinced to surrender them, but you'll have to help haul us up if you want them."

"Now, on that subject," said the stranger, "you an" I have a sort of difference in outlook, like. Since I know you" ve got "em, now, I think it's easier to just chop you down and collect "em at my ease."

"Unless you're a much better rock climber than you look," said Jean, "it's one hell of a way down and back for the sake of our little purses!"

"And they are little," said Locke. "Our rock-climbing purses. Specially made not to weigh us down. Hardly hold anything!"

"I think we probably got different ideas of what anythin" is. And I wouldn't have to climb," said the stranger. "There's easier ways down to that valley floor, if you know where to go."

"Ah… don't be foolish," said Jean. "These ropes are demi-silk. It'll take you some time to cut through them. Longer than it will take for us to climb back up, surely" "Probably," said the man in the cloak. "But I'm still up here if you do, ain't I? I can just crack you over the edge and make your skulls into soup bowls, like. See if I don't!"

"But if we stay down here, we'll die anyway, so we might as well come up and die fighting," said Locke.

"Well, have it your way, sir. Whole conversation's gettin" sort of circular, if you don't mind me sayin", so I'm just gonna start cuttin" rope now. Me, I'd stay put and go quiet, was I you."

"Yeah, well, you're a miserable cur," shouted Locke. "Any child of three could murder helpless men hanging over a cliff. Time was when a bandit would have the balls to fight us face to face and earn his pay!"

"What do I rightly look like, sir, an honest tradesmen? Guild tats on my arms?" He knelt down and began to chop at something, steadily, with Jean's hatchet. "Splattin" you against those rocks below seems a fine way of earnin" my pay. Even finer if you're gonna speak so unkind."

"You're a wretch," cried Locke. "A cringing dog, a scrub, damned not just for avarice but for cowardice! The gods spit on those without honour, you know! It'll be a cold hell, and a dark one, for you!"

"I'm chock full of honour, sir. Got lots of it. Keep it right here between my empty stomach and my puckered white arse, which you may kiss, by the way."

"Fine, fine," said Locke. "I merely wanted to see if you could be goaded to misjudgement. I applaud your restraint! But surely there's more profit to be had in hoisting us up and holding us for ransom!" "We're important people," said Jean.

"With rich, important friends. Why not just hold us prisoner and send a letter with a ransom demand?" "Well," said the man, "for one thing, I can't read nor write." "We" d be happy to write the demand for you!"

"Can't rightly see how that" d work. You could just write anythin" you like, couldn't you? Ask for constables and soldiers instead of gold, if you take my meanin". I said I can't read, not that I got worm piss for brains."

"Whoa! Hold it! Stop cutting!" Jean heaved himself up another foot and braced his rope within the descender to hold him. "Stop cutting! I have a serious question!" "What's that, then?" "Where the hell did you come from?"

"Roundabouts, here and there, by way of my mother's womb, original like," said the man, who continued chopping.

"No, I mean, do you always watch these cliffs for climbers? Seems bloody unlikely thed'r be common enough to skulk in ambush for."

"Oh, they isn't, sir. Ain't never seen any, before you two. Was so curious I just had to come down and take a peek, and ain't I glad I did?" Chop, chop, chop. "No, mostly I hide in the woods, sometimes the hills. Watch the roads." "All by yourself?" "I'd be cuttin" you down faster if I wasn't by myself, wouldn't I?" "So you watch the roads. Looking to rob what, carriages?" "Mostly." "You have a bow or a crossbow?"

"Sadly, no. Think maybe I might buy a piece if I can get enough for your things."

"You hide in the woods, all by yourself, and try to ambush carriages without a real weapon?"

"Well," said the man a bit hesitantly, "has been awhile since I got one. But today's my lucky day, ain't it?"

"I should say so. Crooked Warden, you must be the worst highwayman under the sun." "What did you say?"

"He said," said Locke, "that in his highly educated opinion you're the—" "No, the other part."

"He mentioned the Crooked Warden," said Locke. "Does that mean something to you? We're members of the same fraternity, friend! The Benefactor, the Thiefwatcher, the Nameless Thirteenth, patron of you and me and all who take the twisty path through life. We're actually consecrated servants of the Crooked Warden! There's no need for animosity, and no need for you to cut us down!"

"Oh yes there is," said the man vehemently, "now I'm definitely cuttin" you down." "What? Why?"

"Bloody fuckin" heretics, you are! There ain't no Thirteenth! Ain't naught but the Twelve, that's truth! Yeah, I been to Verrar a couple times, met up with lads and lasses from the cuttin" crews what tried to tell me "bout this Thirteenth. I don't hold with it. Ain't right like I was raised. So down you go, boys!" The man began hacking at the demi-silk ropes with a vengeance. "Shit. Want to try and snag him in the belay lines?" Jean swung over beside Locke and spoke with soft urgency. Locke nodded. The two thieves took hold of die ends of their belay lines, stared upward and, at Jean's whispered signal, yanked them downward.

It was hardly an efficient trap; the lines were slack and coiled up above the cliffedge. Their tormentor looked down at his feet, hopped up and stepped away as seven or eight feet of each belay line slipped over the cliff's edge.

"Ha! You'll have to get up earlier than that, gents, if you don't mind my sayin" so!" Whistling tunelessly, he vanished out of sight and continued chopping. A moment later he gave a cry of triumph and Locke's coiled belay line flew over the edge of the cliff. Locke averted his face as the rope fell just past him; it was soon dangling in thin air from his waistbelt, its frayed far end still too many feet above the ground for safety.

"Shit," said Locke. "Right, Jean. Here's what we do. He should cut my main line next. Let's hook arms. I'll slide down your main line, knot what's left of mine to the bottom, and that should probably get us within twenty feet or so of the ground. If I haul up my belay line and knot that on the end of the other two, we can make it all the way down."

"Depends on how quickly that arsehole cuts. You think you can tie knots fast enough?"

"I think I" ve got no choice. My hands feel up to the task, at least. Even if I just get one line lashed, twenty feet's a happier fall than eighty."