Scott Lynch - Red Seas Under Red Skies

"If you and the Priori are so very unhappy with one another, why don't they just run you out of funds completely?" Locke settled back against his corner of the boat and let his left hand hang far over the gunwale, trailing in the warm water. "I'm sure they would if they could," said Stragos, "but the charters of the city guarantee me a certain minimal budget from general revenues. Though every finnicker and comptroller in the city is one of theirs, and they contrive some damned elaborate lies to trim even that. My own ledger-folk have their hands full chasing after them. But it's discretionary funds they won't cut loose. In a time of need they could swell my forces with gold and supplies at a moment's notice. In a time of peace, they begrudge me every last centdra. They have forgotten why the Archonate was instituted in the first place."

"It does occur to me," said Locke, "that your predecessor was supposed to sort of… dissolve the office when Camorr agreed to stop kicking your arse."

"A standing force is the only professional force, Lamora. There must be a continuity of experience and training in the ranks; a worthwhile army or navy cannot simply be conjured out of nothing. Tal Verrar might not have the luxury of three or four years to build a defence when the next crisis comes along. And the Priori, the ones who prattle the loudest about "opposing dictatorship" and "civic guarantees", would be the first to slip away like rats, loaded down with their fortunes, to take ship for whatever corner of the world would give them refuge. They would never stand or die with the city. And so the enmity between us is more than personal, for my part."

"While I" ve known too many grand merchants to dispute your general idea of their character," said Locke, "I" ve had a sudden, sharp realization about where this conversation has been going."

"As have I," said Jean, clearing his throat. "Seems to me that with your power on the wane, this would be a terribly convenient time for new trouble to surface somewhere out on the Sea of Brass, wouldn't it?"

"Very good," said Stragos. "Seven years ago, the pirates of the Ghost-winds rose up and gave the people of Tal Verrar reason to be glad of the navy I command. It would be convenient if they might be convinced to trouble us once again… and be crushed once again."

"Send us out to sea to find an excuse for you, that's what you said," said Locke. "Send us out to sea. Has your brain swelled against the inside of your skull? How the screaming fucking hell do you expect the two of us to raise a bloody pirate armada in a place we've never been and convince it to come merrily die at the hands of the navy that bent it over the table and fucked it in the arse last time?" "You convinced the nobles of Camorr to throw away a fortune on your schemes," said Stragos without a hint of anger. "They love their money, yet you shook it out of them like ripe fruit from a tree. You outwitted a Bondsmage. You outwitted Capa Barsavi to his very face. You evaded the trap that caughtyour Capa Barsavi and his entire court."

"Only some of us," whispered Locke. "Only some of us got away, arsehole."

"I need more than agents. I need provocateurs. You two fell into my hands at an ideal time. Your task, your mission, will be to raise hell on the Sea of Brass. I want ships sacked from here to Nicora. I want the Priori pounding on my door, pleading with me to take more gold, more ships, more responsibility. I want commerce south of Tal Verrar to set full sail and run for port. I want underwriters soiling their breeches. I know I might not get all that, but by the gods I'll take whatever you can give me. Raise me a pirate scare the likes of which we haven't had in years." "You are cracked," said Jean.

"We can rob nobles. We can do second-storey work. We can slide down chimneys and slip locks and rob coaches and break vaults and do a fine spread of card tricks," said Locke. "I could cut your balls off, if you had any, and replace them with marbles, and you wouldn't notice for a week. But I hate to tell you that the one class of criminal we really haven't associated with, ever, is fucking pirates!"

"We're at a bit of a loss when it comes to the particulars of making their acquaintance,"added Jean.

"In this, as in so much, I'm well ahead of you," said Stragos. "You should have no trouble making the acquaintance of the Ghostwind pirates because you yourselves will become perfectly respectable pirates. Captain and first mate of a pirate sloop, as a matter of fact."

"You are beyond mad," said Locke after several moments of silent, furious thought. "Full-on barking madness is a state of rational bliss to which you may not aspire. Men living in gutters and drinking their own piss would shun your company. You are a prancing lunatic."

"That's not the sort of thing I'd expect to hear from a man who genuinely wants his antidote."

"Well, what a magnificent choice you" ve given us… death by slow poison or death by insane misadventure!"

"Come now," said Stragos. "That's also not the sort of thing I'd expect to hear from a man with your proven ability for slipping out of extremely complicated situations."

"I'm getting a bit annoyed," said Locke, "with those who praise our previous escapades as an excuse for forcing us into even riskier ones. Look, if you want us to run a job, give us one within our field of experience. Isn't it broad enough for you? All we're saying is that we don't know the first bloody thing about wind, weather, ships, pirates, the Sea of Brass, the Ghostwind Isles, sails, ropes, er… weather, ships—"

"Our sole experience with ships," said Jean, "consists of getting on, getting seasick and getting off."

"I" ve thought of that," said Stragos. "The captain of a criminal crew must have, above all other things, charisma. Leadership skills. A sense of decision. Rogues must be ruled. I believe you can do that, Lamora… by faking it, if necessary. That makes you the best possible choice in some respects. You can fake confidence when a sincere man might be inclined to panic. And your friend Jean can enforce your leadership; a good infighter is someone to be respected on a ship."

"Sure, great," said Locke. "I'm charming, Jean's tough. That just leaves all the other things I named—"

"As for the nautical arts, I will provide you with an experienced sailing master. A man who can train you in the essentials and make the proper decisions for you once you're at sea, all the while pretending the orders come from you. Don't you see? All I'm doing is asking you to play a role… he'll provide the knowledge to make that role convincing."

"Sweet Venaportha," said Locke. "You really intend for us to go out there, and you genuinely wish us to succeed?" "Absolutely," said Stragos.

"And the poison," said Jean, "you'll just put enough antidote in our hands to allow us to roam the Sea of Brass, as we will?"

"Hardly. You'll need to call at Tal Verrar once every two months. My alchemist tells me that sixty-two to sixty-five days is really as far as you should push it."

"Now wait just a damn minute," said Locke. "It's not enough that we'll be clueless sailors masquerading as hardened pirates, trusting another man to make us look competent. Or that we're going to be out risking gods know what at sea, with our plans for Requin postponed. Now you expect us to be tied to mother's apron strings every two months?"

"It's two or three weeks to the Ghostwinds, and the same time back. You'll have ample time to do your business each trip, for however many months it takes. How closely you wish to shave your schedule is, of course, your own concern. Surely you see that it has to be this way" "No." Locke laughed. "Frankly, I don't!"

"I'll want progress reports. I may have new orders and information for you. You may have new requests or suggestions. It makes a great deal of sense to stay in regular contact."