Robert Asprin - Myth Alliances

Wensley blanched. "Oh! Come with me, please," he brayed, his voice down to a strangled squawk. "I have so much more to show you." Without looking back he started walking. We followed, but found ourselves having to increase our pace from an amble to a trot. Without breaking into a run, Wensley managed to open his stride until I was running to keep up with him. "Over here you see the baker's. Very fine breads, Cashel makes. Very fine! And there's the vintner's. And the healer's. Very useful after you've been at the vintner's."

"Wensley!" one of the big females in the lead hailed him. We could understand her easily because of the translator pendants we were all wearing. They assisted in helping us to comprehend nuance and emotional content as well, though I had no difficulty telling the state of the female coming toward us. She had a broad smile on her face, but even at a backwards glance I could tell it looked forced. "How nice to see you! Come and chat for a while. I'd just love to catch up with you."

"And so would I!" insisted a slenderer wench, edging around the matron and pumping her elbows so she picked up just a hint of speed. "I've been thinking about you! I've wondered how you are!"

"We've all been thinking about you!" called a male with gray curls.

Looking panicked, our guide pulled us hastily around a corner to the left, then dodged right, so we were heading into the thick of the city along a much narrower street. The balconies almost touched overhead, letting in only a slit of sky. Unfortunately, another group of Wuhses had also taken this less-traveled road, probably with the notion of heading Wensley off, to speak to him about his "well-being."

"You've been such a stranger, Wensley," a big male exclaimed heartily, his arms wide open. There was no getting past him .

"Yii," Wensley bleated, in shock, then turned us around.

The first group had not been fooled for long by our detour. There they were, still power-walking towards us as quickly as they could. They saw the other group, and increased their speed to get to us first. We were trapped in between. I braced myself, as all the Wuhses descended on us, smiling and slapping our backs, all of them clamoring that they had no other reason for seeing our guide except to pass the time of day with him.

"And who are your friends, Wensley?" asked a young male about my age. "They're from out of town, eh?" He reached around to shake hands with me. As soon as I relaxed my grip, his hand dropped, seemingly of its own accord, onto the D-hopper in Wensley's. "Say, isn't that the community travel wand? I've wanted to get a good look at it for ages!"

"So would I!" a dark-fleeced female announced. "My goodness, let me see it. Please! " The D-hopper became the object of a three-way tug of war, with the youth on one side, the black sheep on the other, and Wensley holding onto the device in the center with both hands. "Please be careful," he gritted through clenched teeth. "I might lose my grip on it, and who knows what would happen?"

It didn't take a genius to figure out just what would happen: the winner of the contest of wills would take the D-hopper and pop off to another dimension.

"Well, just let me see it a moment," the female insisted, holding on with determination.

"I… did you meet my guests?" Wensley sibberred, desperately. "I brought them here with the wand. I will have to take them back again this evening. Yes! This evening! Possibly earlier. So, you see, I can't let go of it for now. I'm devastated not to be able to oblige you… ungh!" he grunted. With one tremendous effort he pried the D-hopper out of their grasp and clutched it to his chest with both hands. "… But perhaps later? Just a little."

The crowd looked as though they wanted to glare, but they glanced at one another out of the corner of their odd-pupiled eyes, and decided to paste on the big smiles instead.

"Of course we understand," the big, hearty male trumpeted. "So these are your guests? Welcome, welcome! You must have a tour of our beautiful city, and then dine with us. We must help Wensley shoulder the onus of hospitality. Believe me," he added, bowing to the women, "it is our great pleasure. Ladies, I am Gubbeen, committeefriend of the Committee of Public Safety."

"Committeefriend?" I asked, glancing at Wensley.

"It means, 'spokesperson among equals,'" our guide explained. "Gubbeen is taking his turn on behalf of the Safety organization that has done such an excellent job at making sure there are always handrails on stairs, and that bridges are safe and not slippery. You know."

I nodded. They did not even have the guts to risk offending the rest of the committee members by calling him the chairman. It had to have been the easiest thing ever for the Pervects to take over their government. Anyone who asserted himself on Wuh was as good as king. It must have been thousands of years since there had been a predatory species anywhere in this dimension.

"So, may we be so bold as to ask what brings you to beautiful Pareley?" Gubbeen asked, after gathering a sufficient number of approving looks from his fellows.

"We're here," I announced as positively as I could, as I dropped our disguise spell, "to help you. I am Skeeve the Magnificent."

At the sight of four outworlders and a green dragon, the Wuhses stampeded away in all directions. Wensley looked as if he would have liked to run away with them, but Tananda held on to his arm.

"Not so fast, handsome," she insisted. "You're carrying our ticket out of here."

"Eh? Oh, yes," Wensley babbled, patting the D-hopper in his arms. Making sure none of the others were around to see, he slid it into his boot. I had not let him see our D-hopper back at the inn or on Deva, using a pinch of blinding light powder to cover our transitions between Klah and Deva, and back again. I considered it our ace in the hole in case we had to depart quickly from Wuh. Tananda, a much more experienced magician than I, was capable of transporting herself up and back between dimensions without the use of a piece of philosophical equipment. Zol, too, assured me that he commanded sufficient talent. Only Bunny and I had to rely on a device. As a potential weakness, it was much better that it remained hidden. It so happened mine was in my boot, too.

One by one the Wuhses came creeping back, eyeing us curiously, at a distance at first, but approaching ever nearer until they surrounded us so tightly we couldn't move.

"Look," one of them gasped, peering into my eyes. "Round pupils!" Then, with a shocked expression in case he had offended me, "not that there's anything wrong with that!"

They seemed fascinated by our various skin colors, textures, heights and shapes. In spite of the fact they were of a different species, they admired Tananda and Bunny greatly, gazing at them shyly out of the corners of their eyes, or peering through their lashes, while circling them as closely as they dared. I had no fear that any of the Wuhses would take their admiration too far. For one thing, they were too timid, and for another, Tananda and Bunny were more than able to take care of themselves. None of the Wuhses would pet Gleep, for all he stretched out his neck and rolled his big blue eyes winningly.

"We had no idea you were different, good sir," Gubbeen stammered, putting out a tentative finger to touch my sleeve. "Please forgive my familiarity, Mmm-master Ss-skeeve the Mm-magnificent. What… what did you say you were here for?"

I felt that my dramatic gesture had been ruined by the outward stampede. I used magikal amplification so the whole crowd could hear me. "We're here to rescue you!"

"Shhh!" Wensley almost shrieked, signing to me to keep my voice down. " They might hear you!"

I guess no one had to be told who They were, because the entire crowd dropped their heads and looked around fearfully. No disaster descended from the skies, so the Wuhses relaxed, and moved in closer than before. I could have walked on their shoulders, if they had let go of me or my companions.