Peter Beagle - The Folk Of The Air

Ben lowered his arms slowly, watching them all the way down, like the newly oiled Tin Woodman. “The League made it easier. Sort of like a singles bar.” It was Farrell’s turn to blink, and Ben smiled raggedly. “Common understandings. A sympathetic atmosphere. The luxury of knowing that only certain questions will be asked. But you’ve got it backwards, Joe. I had to invent Egil for them, as a character, an impression, just to be sure that whatever he did, people would always assume it was still me in my Viking hat. The League gave us a place to meet, you see, a place where nobody could ever think I was crazy. Whatever Egil did.”

Farrell stepped back to let a heavy woman with a walking frame pass between them, looking sideways at the dogs and wrinkling her nose. “Give them a bath sometimes, why don’t you?” she said to Farrell. “Nobody likes to stink, people like you never think about that.”

She was followed by two enlaced adolescents, trailing musk and saliva, and then by Farrell’s supervisor, who pointedly looked at his watch, bent slightly at the knees and inquired, “Woo-woo? Chugga-chugga? Ding-ding?”

“Ding-ding right away,” Farrell agreed seriously. “I just have to see my friend to his car.” When the supervisor seemed disposed to debate, Farrell explained, “He’s having dizzy spells—I think it might be something he ate at the Elephants’ Graveyard,” and left him staring anxiously after them, already settling out of court. The supervisor had worked in better zoos than Barton Park, and the strain had been showing for some time.

“You did drive here?” Farrell asked. Ben hesitated, then nodded. Farrell linked arms with him and started him moving toward the parking lot. “I mean, it’s okay for you to drive? Egil’s not likely to take over in the middle of an intersection, is he?” Trying to make a joke of it, he added, “You know how California is about expired licenses.”

“He doesn’t take me over. I told you, it’s more like an exchange.”

The patient instructor tone made Farrell flush so hotly that the skin of his face felt full of splinters. “Rubberlips, I don’t give a shit what you told me. I’ve seen him three times now, and each time you were long gone, you were busy taking him over in the ninth century.” Ben halted and opened his mouth to protest, but Farrell hurried him on. “I still don’t know what you’re really doing, or how you’re doing it, any more than that poor sucker Egil does, but I know fear, do you understand me? And I am truly ashamed of you, for the first time in my life, because I’ve never seen anybody as frightened as that man.” Except one other, the yellow-eyed man who came to Sia’s house . “You ought to be ashamed.”

“You asshole, you don’t have any idea what you’re talking about!” They might have been squabbling over the rules of boxball on a Manhattan side street. Ben said, “I’m not hurting him. I could never hurt him. I love him.”

“He was not consulted. Did he ever ask to be loved out of his own life?” Farrell was trembling himself, shaking Ben’s shoulder, peering into his eyes to find Egil’s incomprehensible torment. “He doesn’t know what’s happening to him—he must think he’s dying, going crazy, and he is going crazy, a thousand years ago. That’s an exchange? That’s love? That’s bloody fucking robbery, Ben.”

“Don’t spit. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” They had reached the parking lot, and Ben was rocking on his heels as he gazed vaguely along the fish-spine rows of stalls.

Farrell asked, “Why were you looking for me?”

“I don’t remember.” Ben set off down the nearest row with the confidently off-balance air of a man lunging after a divining rod.

Farrell followed, his voice a mosquito’s keen in his own ears. “Let it go. You have to let him go.” He touched Ben’s shoulder again and was startled anew at the sense of his friend’s cindery fragility. “Ben, it’s not good for you, either. Whatever you’re learning, whatever wonderful things, it’s not free. You can’t keep doing it, you’ll shatter, you’ll just dissolve, like him, you will. Ben, I know this.”

Ben said, “I can’t find my goddamn car.” He turned and started back the way they had come, so abruptly that Farrell had to jump aside to let him by. His face was averted, but Farrell saw that one side of his mouth was wrong, dragged up and far back, exposing teeth. He said, “I left it here, I’m looking right at it. Son of a bitch.”

They did not speak again until the car was finally located, at the far end of the lot. Ben approached it as warily as if it and he were both strange wild animals themselves. Something in that stiff, exhausted shuffle almost made Farrell cry, and he said, “I’d better drive you home. Both of you.”

Ben shook his head and got into the car. Farrell gripped the open window as he started the engine. “What about Sia?” he demanded. “How does she feel about all this, what you’re doing? She doesn’t believe it’s seizures, that takes a silly person like me. Maybe I’ll talk to her myself, shall I do that, Ben? Because I don’t think she knows the whole story. I don’t think Sia would let you go on killing Egil out of love, not if she knew.”

Ben looked up at him and then away. His free left hand moved from his throat to his mouth, a fist now, pushing as if he were trying to staunch a mortal wound. “You don’t understand. The seizures are the way, the seizures open the way. I never had them until her. They come from living in her house, sharing her bed, being in her thoughts. People aren’t supposed to do that, Joe. The gift is too great, we can’t contain it, we tear . But it’s a gift, a blessing, how can you say no to a blessing, even when it wasn’t meant for you? Don’t worry about Egil, Joe. Egil won’t die of it. It’s my blessing, after all.” The car slid through Farrell’s hands, and he was gone.

The hawk’s feet were astonishingly hot. Farrell had braced himself for the skeletal clench on his fist, for the great black eyes considering him as if he had answered some strange want ad— look away a little, Frederik said not to stare —and even for the improbably soft breast feathers, smelling first like nutmeg and fresh straw, and then like old, clean bones in the sun. But he had only imagined the power and sharpness of the talons; never the heat shocking through the borrowed buckskin gauntlet, pulsating so immediately against him that he might have been balancing the redtail’s snaredrum heart on his skin. He let his breath out at last, and the Lady Criseyde placed her arm behind the hawk’s ankles, nudging very gently until the bird stepped back onto her glove. Farrell said, “How beautiful.”

“Actually, you’re not seeing her at her best,” the Lady Criseyde said. “She started molting early this year, just to be contrary, and she’s so old and out of shape she probably couldn’t get off the ground on a bet. Could you, Strega?” The redtail said kack in a thoughtful way, still debating whether to hire Farrell.

Behind him, Duke Frederik answered for her, “Good madame, five bucks says she takes a rabbit ere Micaela comes anywhere near a grouse.” He was adjusting the leather traces on the hood of a huge dark bird, taller and much wider-shouldered than the redtail Strega, with a hulking, ominous dignity that made Farrell think of Julie’s motorcycles. The dark hawk was irritable under Frederik’s hands, stamping and suddenly rousing every feather with the clatter of a Venetian blind. Frederik whispered and crooned her quiet; then he announced, “Okay, I think we ought to move out. Lord Garth and the Lady Aiffe don’t seem to be coming, and the dogs are getting crazy. In the name of King Bohemond and St. Whale, let’s roll.”