Stephen Lawhead - Grail

I glimpsed a hole in the brush no wider than a badger set and dove headlong for it. But even as I squirmed to pull myself inside, I felt a heavy weight seize upon my legs and I was yanked off the ground. In the same moment, the most foul stink assaulted me: a putrid stench of decaying flesh, together with vomitus and excrement.

Choking, retching, I gasped for breath. Tears filled my eyes and streamed down my face. The beast secured its hold on me and began jerking its hideous head back and forth, shaking me hard to break my bones one against the other before swallowing me whole.

Kicking and clawing, I twisted my body this way and that, trying to scratch out one of the creature's eyes. In my frenzy, my hand struck against a slick-furred neck below the massive jaw; I clenched the odious fur in my hand and hung on, screaming and screaming for help.

The pain grew unbearable. I screamed and screamed again, beating at the heavy flesh with my fists. Pain rolled over me in waves as darkness – terrible, mind-numbing darkness – gathered around me. I could feel the life slowly being crushed from me, and I knew I was breathing my last.

'God in heaven!' I cried in agony. 'Help me!'

No prayer was ever more heartfelt than that one, and the words were no sooner out of my mouth than Gereint appeared.

He seemed to hang in the air above me, as if floating, or hovering. I realized then that he had somehow contrived to scale the beast's back. Plunging his knife to the hilt to secure his handhold, he began hacking at the creature with his sword.

The young fool will get himself killed! I thought, trying desperately to free my legs.

Up swung the sword, and down, striking at the back of the great beast's skull. The vile creature's neck jerked up and its mouth gaped wide. The monster roared in agony and I was sent sprawling to the ground. I fell heavily on my side and fought to get free lest I be trampled to death.

My left leg would not move. I heaved myself forward and, on arms and elbows, pulled myself into the brush. Once clear of the beast, I glanced back over my shoulder to see Gereint. He was gone now, but his sword was still stuck in the brute's bulging neck just behind the skull. The monster was belling its agonized shriek with a sound to rip the earth asunder. I threw my hands over my ears and hunkered down, trying to hold out that hateful sound.

What happened after, I cannot say, for the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the dark, silent wood. The black beast was gone, and I was alone. My side felt as if it had been raked with a spearhead and then pounded with an iron rod; my leg burned. Though it hurt to breathe, I drew great draughts to keep from passing out again.

A swirling mass of fear churned within me, but I have been afraid before and in equally trying circumstances. Forcing myself to remain calm, I lay back and listened for a moment. When I did not hear anything, I made to rise. Instantly, pain burst upon me anew, and I fell back.

Bors and Gereint are pursuing the horses and will return any moment, I told myself. They know I am here and will not abandon me. I clung to this hope, repeating it over and over.

The pain in my leg throbbed with a sharp, deep-rooted, urgent ache. It took my mind off the raw pulse of pain in my side. With an effort I pushed myself upright and leaned back against a fallen log. I reached down to touch the place where the pain seemed the worse, and my hand came away sticky and wet with blood. I tried to move my leg; the exertion sent a searing bolt of fire into my head and I almost swooned, but at least the leg could bend somewhat and no bones seemed broken.

My knife was still tucked in my belt, but my sword was missing; my spear had disappeared with my horse. Using the knife, I contrived to cut a strip from my siarc and bind my leg to stanch the flow of blood.

The effort exhausted me. I tied the knot and lay back panting and gasping. A fragment of Myrddin's psalm came into my mind and I spoke it out. There in the darksome forest, lying on my back, warm blood oozing from my wounds, I said:

The Lord is my rock!

The Lord is my fortress, and my deliverer!

God is my refuge; He is my shield!

And the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

There was solace in the words. Just saying them aloud in that dolorous place comforted me, so I continued:

I call to the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,

And I am saved from my enemies.

The cords of death entangled me;

The torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

It was an act of defiance, I believe, to invoke the Great Light in that place, for I felt my heart stir as courage returned. In truth, I surprised myself at how much of these songs I could remember. Feeling a very bard myself, I sent those heaven-breathed words into the darksome wood:

The cords of the grave coiled around me

The snares of death confronted me.

In my distress, I cried to my God for help.

From his temple he heard my voice.

Wonder of wonders, even as I spoke those last words I saw a light shining in the wood: so pale and dim, I first thought I must have imagined it. I looked and the faint glimmer disappeared, but when I glanced away again, I saw it once more. I raised myself up and stared at the place – as if to hold it there so that it would not vanish again, leaving me alone in the dark. I could not see the light directly for all the trees and brush. Desperate to hold the fragile luminescence, I tried to remember the rest of Myrddin's prayer. How did it go?

And he gazed with…

No, no… that was not right. The pain in my leg drove out everything else. I could not think. I took a deep breath and forced myself to concentrate. In clumps and snatches the words came to me and I spoke them out.

And he looked down in his anger and said: Because their love is set on me, I will deliver them. I will deliver them from danger, for they know my name. I will be with them in times of trouble; I will rescue them from the grave, And bring them honour in my courts; I will satisfy them with eternal life to enjoy their rich salvation.

As I spoke, the faint radiance seemed to strengthen, gathering itself into a steady gleam like that of the moon on a mist-shrouded winter night. I thought that the light might yet break forth, but though I continued repeating the psalm over and over again, the fragile light remained a mere pearly glimmering, and beyond that did not increase.

After a time, I felt the winter chill seeping into my bones. My clothes were damp with sweat and the air was cold, and I began to shiver. Each tremble sent a jolt of pain through me, as it meant moving my leg. I clenched my teeth and willed the gently gleaming light to stay.

I do not know how long I lay there, shivering with pain and cold, grinding my teeth, and praying for that small, thin glow to remain. It seemed a long time, however – long enough for me to begin harbouring the suspicion that I had indeed lost both Gereint and Bors, and was now completely alone. Once this suspicion hardened into certainty, I decided to try to get up and move in the direction of the light.

Searching around me for a sturdy branch to use for a staff, I put my hand to a crooked tree limb; it was old and the rotten bark came off in my hand, but the wood was strong enough to support me, and so I used it to pull myself up onto my feet once more. My injured leg still throbbed with the slightest movement, but I clenched my teeth, steadied myself, and started off.

I found I could hobble only a few paces before the pain grew too great to bear and I must stop and rest. Then, after a few moments' respite, I staggered on. I saw that I was following the trail which the black beast had forced as it crashed through the wood. This made my passage somewhat less difficult, for I was able to steady myself against the fallen trees and broken branches.