Hugh Cook: The Witchlord and the Weaponmaster

There are many individuals, families, companies and cities which have come to ruin through over-indulgence in oak, cedar, granite, marble and mortar; and, though Celadric had not exactly ruined the Collosnon Empire through such indulgence, it must be allowed that he had grievously over-taxed such provincial centers as Locontareth and Stranagor to pay for the aggrandizement of his capital.

Furthermore, the very length of time which Lord Onosh had been away from his former empire had worked to his advantage.

Memories had mellowed and softened to his advantage. Compared to Khmar, he was a golden saint, and his reign a time of peace and plenty. Those who were threatening the invasion of Tameran from the south had made Khmar's daughter Monogail their figurehead – which meant, in effect, that they were proposing the conquer in the name of Khmar. However rational and reasonable that may have seemed in Estar, it met with little favor in the empire's heartland.

So, with Gendormargensis disordered by coup and countercoup, and with a bloodthirsty invasion threatened from the south, Lord Onosh decided to make his move.

Locontareth declared for Lord Onosh, and raised an army for him; and, by the time Guest Gulkan reopened the Circle of the Partnership Banks and made his way to Alozay, Lord Onosh was once more ruling the Collosnon Empire from Gendormargensis.

Had Bao Gahai survived to see the Witchlord's triumph, things might thereafter have turned out differently. But Bao Gahai died within sight of the walls of Gendormargensis. Years earlier, she had made a terrible sacrifice to fulfill the greatest desire of her heart; and this sacrifice had so aged and weakened her that it is a wonder that she had survived for so long.

In sight of the walls of Gendormargensis, Bao Gahai perished, falling victim to one of those contagious fevers which are so much a part and parcel of campaigning. Therefore, when Lord Onosh learnt that his son Guest was upon Alozay, Lord Onosh lacked Bao Gahai's counsel.

As was noted at the outset of this history, the Witchlord Onosh had been at odds with the world for so long that he had quite lost the art of showing the world kindness and affection.

This was the flaw which doomed him to destruction.

For, when Lord Onosh heard that Guest was on Alozay, and was leagued with wizards, and was often in conference with the demon Iva-Italis, and was in discourse with the Shabble whom Italis held as a prisoner, and was arming the soldiers of Parengarenga with the swords of Stokos, why, Lord Onosh did not think to praise his son, or congratulate him on his success, or make him a gift of some of the more transportable pieces of Celadric's architecture.

No.

When Lord Onosh heard that Guest had arrived upon Alozay, he interpreted this arrival as invasion, and feared the conquest of Alozay to be but the opening move of the conquest of Tameran. And, once Lord Onosh began assembling an army to strike against Alozay, what option was then left to his son?

Of course, Guest defeated his father with ease.

For, as has been made plain by this history, the greatest and most difficult part of the art of war is the manoeuver of armies.

But Guest Gulkan had a yellow bottle which was equal to the accommodation of an army; and Sken-Pitilkin had an airship which was equal to the transport of the bottle.

I remember.

It was in spring that Guest Gulkan shattered the Witchlord's forces in the Battle of Sipping Cross, and marched on Gendormargensis.

Since the slow and weary business of loading an army into and out of the yellow bottle was one which could take days to accomplish, Guest Gulkan did not dare try such a stratagem when he was so closely engaged with his father's forces. He expected his father to leave men in ambush; or to turn and meet him in force; or, at the very least, to stand at Gendormargensis and fight.

So, shunning air transport, Guest Gulkan took his army overland for the last few leagues which stood between himself and the city.

On reaching Gendormargensis, Guest found that Lord Onosh had fled, taking his army with him. The city was in no stage to stand in siege against the invaders, for it was in the grip of a cholera epidemic, cholera being one of the recurrent scourges of the Collosnon Empire. And here it must be admitted that, regardless of Celadric's great expenditure on architecture, Gendormargensis remained a city in which sewage disposal was of a very rudimentary nature.

On account of the epidemic, the victorious Weaponmaster did not enter the city, but pitched his tents on the mudlands beyond the walls. On Sken-Pitilkin's advice, those tents were pitched a good half-league upriver from the city.

"Cholera," said Sken-Pitilkin, "is spread by filth within water. it would be far less common if you could train your people to boil their drinking water and wash their hands after going to the toilet."

"Are my people babies that I should be teaching them how to piss and dung?" growled Guest.

"Why," said Sken-Pitilkin, staring at Guest as if the Yarglat warrior was a new and remarkable species of frog, "it is a barbarian! It growls in the face of science and bares its fangs at wisdom."

"I," said Guest, with dignity, "lack a pox doctor's perverted interest in the functions of the anus."

"Ah," said Sken-Pitilkin, "then you renounce all claims to civilization. For civilization is essentially a device for the tidy disposal of bodily excretions."

"Really!" said Guest. "I thought the name for such a device was a brothel!"

Thus Guest and Sken-Pitilkin debated outside the walls of Gendormargensis. They continued the debate long into the night, for Guest was too tense to sleep, and too much the professional to drown his tensions with drink.

The next morning, Guest Gulkan pursued his father's retreating army, and at noon he came upon his father's baggage train. It was an incredible scene of spilt rubbish, mud, mired wagons, slaughtered oxen, bonfires, drunks and deserters. Guest Gulkan knew at once that his father's army had given up, for many of the bonfires were made from bunched spears, from arrows, and from other gear of war. It is difficult to accept the surrender of men who can simply snatch weapons from the battlefield, and in consequence of this difficulty it is common to murder those who surrender. By making sure that not one whole weapon remain to them, the Witchlord's men were endeavoring to have their surrender accepted.

"They have disarmed themselves," said Guest, surveying the scene.

"Yes," said Sken-Pitilkin. "As your father disarmed himself before venturing to Alozay."

"I remember," said Guest.

Of course he remembered. His father had caused weapons to be hidden in treasure chests, then had used those weapons against his hosts. But where were the treasure chests now?

"It would be most economical of time," said Guest, "if we were to slaughter these prisoners."

"Doubtless," said Sken-Pitilkin. "But you have cholera in your capital, and an invasion yet threatens from the south. Have you soldiers so many that you can be murdering them?"

"True," said Guest.

Then took the trouble to accept the surrender of those who sought his mercy. Having accepted their surrender, he then went to the much greater trouble of searching them for weapons, and digging in the mud, and launching great interrogations.

At last, Guest declared himself satisfied.

"There are no weapons here," said Guest. "I've looked. I've looked everywhere."

"There are the bonfires," said Sken-Pitilkin.

"Fires?" said Guest. "Fires, yes, doubtless, but – what can one hide in a fire?"

"Think," said Sken-Pitilkin. Guest Gulkan obeyed, and, after due consideration, ordered that the ruins of the bonfires be raked apart. His subsequent excavations discovered swords; and spears; and helmets, shields, chain mail, knives, clubs, throwing stars, caltrops, battle axes.