Hugh Cook: The Witchlord and the Weaponmaster

Then the Weaponmaster shot a meaningful look at Hostaja Sken-Pitilkin, who, of course, did not (and would not! not ever! regardless of the threat or provocation!) denounce the verbs, no, nor any of the other parts of speech.

With Brother Fern Feathers thus having capitulated before the Weaponmaster (but with the sagacious Sken-Pitilkin remaining as staunch in his scholarship as ever) Guest Gulkan then wound up his speech by making a brief recapitulation of all his exploits, then said: "So you see, I am well talented enough to undertake the tasks which lie before me. Furthermore, I am a personal friend of Plandruk Qinplaqus, the Silver Emperor who rules the Empire of Greater Parengarenga. In the past, he has received me in the palace of Na Sashimoko, the ruling palace of Dalar ken Halvar.

Furthermore, I am a boon companion of Asodo Hatch, the greatest of the emperor's warlords. Upon him I bestowed the woman Penelope, who is now his wife. As a token of their friendship, Plandruk

Qinplaqus and Asodo Hatch have kept safe for me the x-x-zix, the mighty wishstone which I won from Untunchilamon. Likewise they have preserved for my benefit the mighty mazadath, a charm of protection which makes a warrior immortal in battle."

This last comment about the mazadath was made by Guest in a spirit of outright deceit, for, since he did not entirely trust the wizards who were assembled on Drum, he thought it best to conceal some of his subtler resources under a camouflaging layer of braggarting barbarism. So, while denying primitive barbarism, Guest yet deliberately aped it; and wizards such as Fern Feathers, who were not equipped to be theater critics, accepted his gaudier performances as the inner truth of his nature, and thus were led to underestimate the Weaponmaster.

Naturally, Ontario Nol did not underestimate Guest Gulkan, for the wizard of Itch had known the Weaponmaster long enough to form a proper opinion of his abilities. But, even so, Nol did not know Guest well enough to realize that his boastful arrogance was, in part, a self-protective reaction to long defeat and disappointment. So, after listening to Guest boast at length of the high regard in which he was held in the city of Dalar ken Halvar, and the manner in which he planned to overthrow his enemies and rectify the world, Nol said:

"Brave words for a man who cannot even tell us who his mother was."

This was a low blow. It is usually one's father who cannot be known of a certainty. But, since Guest's gigantic bat-wing ears marked him as his father's son, it was only his mother's identity which remained a mystery. Guest knew he had been born in Stranagor, but all questions as to his mother's identity had been met with evasions.

But, over the years, Guest had had time in plenty to puzzle out this problem. In the tunnels of Cap Foz Para Lash, in the dungeons of Obooloo, in the Stench Caves of Logthok Norgos, in Drangsturm's Castle of Controlling Power, he had pondered the problem. And he thought he had solved it.

"I know who my mother is," said Guest, with equanimity. "And if in this company you choose to declare her, why, I will not disown her, for I am no wizard, hence do not share the prejudices of wizards."

Upon which Nol, impressed for once by the Weaponmaster's performance, gave the slightest of bows and made no further objections.

"So," said another wizard, "our Yarglat friend knows his mother. If his boast is to be believed, he also knows the emperor of Parengarenga and the greatest of Dalar ken Halvar's warlords.

The question then arises. Why is he living here in exile upon Drum? Why is he not living as a prince in Dalar ken Halvar, as the governor of one of Parengarenga's provinces, or perhaps as heir to the very Empire of Greater Parengarenga as a whole?"Guest did not like the tone of this address. There were several responses he could have made. He could, for example, have mentioned the fact that most of Parengarenga is uninhabitable wasteland, and to be made governor of one of Parengarenga's provinces is not by any means a fate to be greatly desired.

But instead he said: "Until now, my thoughts have been all for the recovery of the star-globe. To encompass the search for this globe, I have needed to have mastery of the skies, hence I have of necessity been based upon Drum. For, of all the wizards in the world, only Sken-Pitilkin has mastered the secret of controlled flight, therefore it is natural that he should be the greatest of my allies.

Plandruk Qinplaqus is mighty in power, but his power is that over the mind and that over the body politic. Of the skies he knows nothing, hence I count Sken-Pitilkin the greater wizard."

At this, Sken-Pitilkin could not help but feel a wine-smooth warmth envelop his soul; and it occurred to the sagacious wizard of Skatzabratzumon that, however delinquent Guest's scholarship, the Yarglat barbarian had learnt at least the bare essentials of the great art of politics.

"So," said Guest, who was not finished with his speechifying,

"till now I have been engrossed with the search for the starglobe. Now I have won that globe. Therefore I turn my attention toward Dalar ken Halvar, seeking help to aid me in the conquest of the circle."

"But what," said another wizard, "makes you think that Dalar ken Halvar will want to participate in such a conquest?"Guest looked at the wizard in amazement. To the Weaponmaster it was a self-obvious truth that any nation will naturally and inevitably seize any opportunity for conquest which presents itself. However, rather than drawing attention to this truism, Guest said:

"There is in Dalar ken Halvar the militant religion known as Nu-chala-nuth. It preaches the equality of all men and the inferiority of all women. It worships but one god, and is utterly intolerant of all others."

"For what purpose do you lecture us on theology?" said Brother Fern Feathers, who had at last plucked up the courage to match his wits again with Guest.

"Because," said Guest, "Nu-chala-nuth is a militant religion.

One of its basic tenets is the righteous necessity for the conquest of all Unbelievers. A religion possessed of such a religion is a potent weapon for conquest."

"Then why will the believers of a religion so intolerant have anything to do with you?" said Brother Fern Feathers.

"Because," said Guest, "while I was living in Dalar ken Halvar I made a nominal conversion to Nu-chala-nuth. I will be a Believer leading other Believers. Here note that each Believer is thought to be the equal of all the others, presuming his sex to be male."

Brother Fern Feathers wrinkled his nose, trying to grasp this notion. The idea of a god who was equally accessible to all people was something of a novelty to the wizard. Take for example the deity known as Zoz the Ancestral, the ruling god of the Janjuladoola. Anyone can worship Zoz the Ancestral, but it is commonly accepted that Zoz is essentially a racial god, the god of the gray-skinned Janjuladoola people, and that worshippers of other races must therefore be second-class worshippers.

"Are you trying to tell me," said Brother Fern Feathers,

"that the god of the Nu-chala-nuth has no natural racial or cultural constituency? Are you trying to tell me that this god is so thoroughly deracinated that anyone can be a leader of its Believers?"

"Deracinated," said Guest, puzzling over the word. "Oh! You mean, exiled. Yes. The god of the Nu-chala-nuth is most thoroughly exiled, for it comes not from this world but from another."

"That, one might have thought, is part and parcel of the definition of the nature of a god," said Brother Fern Feathers.

Whereupon Guest did his best to explain that the god of the Nu-chala-nuth was a god of the Nexus, and that the Nexus was a confederation of worlds existing in a series of inter-linked universes where the stars were (for the most part) an alien white rather than the familiar red, green, blue, yellow and gold of the stars of our world.