Элисон Ноэль - Shadowland

I spring to my feet, ripping the bottle from Roman’s grasp, and forcing Haven to drink.

Immune to the cries all around me, Ava’s piercing gasp, Damen begging me to stop, and Roman’s one-man applause accompanied by his loud vulgar laugh.

But I don’t care about that.

I only care about her .

Haven.

I can’t let her go.

Can’t let her die.

Can’t say good-bye.

Cradling her head in my arms and making her drink—the color instantly returning to her cheeks as she opens her eyes and gazes at me.

“What the—?” She struggles to sit, and looks all around. Squinting when she glances between me, Ava, Damen, and Roman, and says, “Where am I?”

I stare at her, mouth open, but with no idea what to say. Knowing that this is how Damen must’ve felt with me, only this is much worse.

He didn’t know about the death of the soul.

I did.

“Damen and Ever decided to join us, luv, and guess what? The future’s looking brighter than ever!” Roman swoops in beside me and helps her to her feet, winking at me when he adds, “You weren’t feeling so well, so Ever gave you some juice, thinking a little sugar might perk you right up—and damn if it didn’t work. And now, Ava, be a luv, and go fetch us some tea, would ya? There’s a new pot on the stove.”

Ava gets to her feet, willing me to meet her gaze as she heads for the hall. But I won’t. Can’t. Can’t look at anyone. Not after what I’ve just done.

“Glad to know you’re on board, Ever.” Roman pauses just shy of the door. “It’s like I said—you and I—we’re the same. Bound to each other for all of eternity. And not because of the spell, darlin’—but because it’s our fate—our destiny. Think of me as yet another soul mate.” He laughs, voice a whisper when he adds, “There, there, luv, don’t look so shocked. I, for one, am not the least bit surprised. You’ve never once strayed from the script. At least not so far.”

CHAPTER 49

Damen leans toward me, his gaze like a hand on my arm, warm, inviting, luring me in. “Ever, please, look at me,” he says.

But I just continue to stare at the ocean, the water so black I can’t even see it.

Black ocean, dark moon, and a friend who’s headed for the Shadowland, thanks to me.

I climb out of his car and head for the edge, staring down the steep cliff at the darkness below. Drawn to the pull of his energy as he comes up behind me, hand on my shoulder, pulling me close to his chest as he says, “We’ll get through this—you’ll see.”

I turn, needing to see him, wondering how he can say such a thing. “How?” I start, voice so frail it’s as though it belongs to somebody else. “How will we do that? You gonna make her an amulet and insist she wear it every day?”

He shakes his head, eyes boring into mine when he says, “How can I make Haven wear hers when I can’t even convince you to wear yours?” His fingers drift to my neck, my chest, tracing the space where the crystals should be. “What happened?”

I turn, unwilling to look even worse in his eyes by explaining how I removed it, so overconfident in my misguided spell-casting attempt I set it aside.

“What am I supposed to tell her?” I whisper. “How can I possibly explain what I’ve done? How do you tell someone that you’ve given them eternal life, but if by chance they die, then their soul will be lost?”

Damen’s lips looming close, warming my ear when he says, “We’ll find a way—we’ll—”

I shake my head and move away, staring into the black, avoiding his gaze. “How can you say that? How can you—”

He comes up beside me, his mere presence heating my skin as he says, “How can I what?”

I swallow hard, unable to say it, to put into words all that I’ve done. Allowing myself to be pulled into his arms, held tightly to his chest, wishing I could crawl right inside him, curl up next to his heart and stay there forever—the safest shelter I could ever know.

“How can I forgive a girl who loves her friend so much she can’t bear to let her go?” He tucks my hair behind my ear and lifts my chin, making me face him. “How can I forgive a girl who sacrificed the one thing she’s wanted all this time, all these years ? Forfeiting the immediate hope of us being together so her friend could live ? How can I forgive her , you ask?” He looks at me, eyes searching mine. “It’s easy. Did I not make a similar choice when I first made you drink? And yet, what you did was so much bigger, motivated only by love, while my own actions weren’t quite so pure. I was far more interested in alleviating my suffering.” He shakes his head. “Convincing myself I did it for you, when the truth is, I was selfish and greedy, always interfering, never allowing you to choose for yourself. I brought you back for me —it’s clear to me now.”

I swallow hard, wishing I could believe him—that my decision was noble. But this is different. What I did was entirely different. I knew about the Shadowland, he didn’t.

Looking at him as I say, “And that’s all fine until she’s in trouble again, then the death of her soul is on me .”

He gazes past me, out to an invisible ocean sending a continuous crash of waves to the shore. Both of us knowing there’s nothing more to say. No words that can remedy this.

“It wasn’t—” I pause, feeling stupid for bringing it up now, in light of everything else, but still wanting him to know. “It wasn’t what you think—about me and Jude—that day on the beach—” I shake my head. “It wasn’t what it seemed.” His jaw tightens, his grip loosens, but I bring him back to me, having much more to say. “I think he’s an immortal. A rogue, like Roman.” Damen stares at me, eyes narrowed when I add, “I saw his tattoo, right on the small of his back—” Then realizing how that sounds, that I was actually in a position to get a close-up look at his bare lower back, I add, “He was in his trunks and we were in the spa—” I shake my head, this isn’t helping. “It was a whole thing for Miles’s going-away party—and—anyway, when Ava called, he turned and reached for the phone and I saw it. The snake eating its own tail. The Ouroboros. Just like Drina had, like the one Roman wears on his neck. Same thing.”

“Is it just like Roman’s?”

I squint, unsure what he means.

“Did it flash? Move? Fade in and out of view?”

I swallow hard, and shake my head, wondering what difference it could make. I mean, sure I only saw it for a few seconds, no more than a glimpse, but still—

He sighs and moves away, sitting on the hood of his car when he says, “Ever, the Ouroboros itself isn’t evil. Far from it. Roman and his tribe have distorted the meaning. It’s actually an ancient alchemical symbol, signifying creation out of destruction, eternal life—that sort of thing. Plenty of people have ’em, and the only thing it proves is that Jude has a thing for body art. Body art, and you .”

I move toward him, wanting him to know that it’s not at all reciprocated. How could it be with Damen in the picture?

Realizing he heard my thoughts when he pulls me close and presses his lips to my ear. “You sure? It’s not the flashy car and magick tricks that won you over?”

I shake my head and nuzzle closer, aware of the veil that hovers between us, thrilled our telepathy is working again. Fearing I’d somehow broken it when we were back in that room.

Of course it’s working again , he thinks. Fear separates—makes us feel alone—disconnected—while love—love does just the opposite—it unites .

“It’s always been you ,” I say, needing to say the words out loud where we can both hear them. “Just you . No one but you .” I gaze into his eyes, hoping the wait is over, that we can forgo our three-month deal.