David Grace - The Accidental Magician

"It… it won't come off," Grantin mumbled lamely as Greyhorn stared at the proffered digit. As if in a daze, Greyhorn touched the ring and gently tried to slip it from Grantin's hand. It refused to budge.

"Uncle, I've tried everything I could think of, but it won't come off. With all the tugging and pulling I'm sure my finger has swelled. Perhaps if we waited a few days…"

"A few days!" Greyhorn yelped. "A few days! A FEW DAYS!" With a fierce surge of energy Greyhorn grabbed Grantin's wrist with his left hand and the ring with his right. He pulled with all his strength. So energetic was his attack that Grantin was jerked from his feet. Both men tumbled to the floor. Greyhorn rolled himself into a sitting position and commenced a new attack.

"Give me my ring!" he screamed. Greyhorn placed both his feet against Grantin's torso and with maniacal strength strained to pull off the bloodstone. Grantin's world exploded in electric pulses of color and waves of pain. His senses reeled. Visions pulsed luridly in syncopation with the beating of his heart. With all his strength he willed himself free of Greyhorn's grasp.

Sometime later, perhaps a few seconds, perhaps minutes, the throbbing faded and the sitting room slipped back into focus. Grantin found himself sprawled on the floor, his back propped against the couch at one end of the room. Some twenty feet away, arms and legs knotted in an intricate tangle about the legs of his desk, Greyhorn lay, twitching feebly.

Grantin shook his head once, twice, to clear it of the vestiges of the disorientation which had descended upon him. Greyhorn's movements he now discerned to be more organized. Bit by bit his uncle disengaged himself from the desk.

"What happened?" Grantin wheezed.

Greyhorn staggered to his feet like a man possessed. In the dimness of the parlor his eyes seemed to glow. He advanced upon Grantin.

"Uncle, it wasn't my fault," Grantin pleaded. "I didn't do anything, really. Uncle, get hold of yourself, now. You don't want to do something that you'll regret later. Uncle, uncle…"

Cringing, Grantin raised his hands to protect his face, the ring pointed outward. As Greyhorn approached he noticed that the bloodstone seemed to glisten with a phosphorescent fire. The ring's bloody glimmer sent notes of alarm through the wizard's sinews. Mustering the last particle of his self-control, he managed to bring his body to a halt two feet from Grantin's cowering form. So great was the power of the bloodstone that further attempts to pry it from the finger would be suicidal. Greyhorn closed his eyes and wheezed ten long, deep breaths before allowing himself to speak.

"All right, Grantin," he said at last, "you can get up now. It's obvious that we're going to have to think our way out of this problem."

Hesitantly Grantin struggled to his feet.

"Don't worry, uncle, I'm sure that with perhaps some cold water and lots of soap we can get it off. If worse comes to worst, I can saw through the band and pry it away from my finger."

"The first blade that tries to scratch that ring will destroy itself and the arm that wields it. Perhaps, however, an appropriate elixir might, through the force of my power, insert itself between the ring and your flesh. Failing that, there are other, less tidy, but nevertheless dependable alternatives." A death's-head grin split Greyhorn's face as he contemplated the latter possibility.

"What do you mean, 'other alternatives'?"

"The possibility of a mild solution of liquefier cannot be overlooked. Skillful injections would rubberize the bones and joints of the affected digit. With a minimum tearing of flesh perhaps the item might be removed."

Grantin's face went slack and white.

"And, if that doesn't work, there is one final alternative which is guaranteed to solve the problem."

Grantin stared expectantly, now even afraid to breathe. Greyhorn caressed the knuckle and index finger and studied the ring.

"What alternative?" Grantin whispered.

"The answer is, of course, quite simple and direct. If we cannot remove the ring from the finger then we must remove the finger from the-"

With a shriek Grantin pulled back his band and stumbled backward against the wall. "No, no… my finger… you can't-you wouldn't! There must be another way."

"Perhaps, perhaps, we shall see. Come, we will go up to the workroom. You can assist me in preparing the unguent. Who knows, it may work, and if not, what's one finger more or less?"

"But…" Grantin mumbled as Greyhorn paced toward the door.

"Come along, Grantin, come along. There's been too much dillydallying already. We'll try the unguent, but remember this: one way or another I mean to have that ring!"

A steamy wisp of smoke curled from the beaker cupped between Greyhorn's skeletal hands. The thick gray walls of the container hid the substance from Grantin's view, but judging from the stench which emanated from the flask the material was vile indeed. Grantin had been sprawled on a small stool, his legs widespread, elbows on knees and chin resting in his cupped palms, but now this latest of his uncle's concoctions brought him to a state of weary attention.

For the past three hours Greyhorn had subjected him to one horrid treatment after another. His hands had been soaked in solvent, encased in jelly, his finger poked, punctured, scratched, smeared, rubbed, chilled, and burned. Spells of amazing force had been hurled at him in Greyhorn's fevered attack upon the ring. But all to no avail. It still sat innocently upon his left hand and glittered and glowed in a most virginal appearance. In fact, it almost seemed to Grantin as though the bauble thrived upon the rigors to which it had been subjected.

Now it pulsed firmly in time with the beating of Grantin's heart. When he dared to look within the stone he thought he glimpsed shadowy images, fleeting visions of strange beings involved in disturbing acts. These phantoms became more substantial as Pyra slid from the sky. In that lazy time between twilight and full dark, scenes glowed with a life of their own and minute by minute became ever clearer and more frightening.

After all he had been through that afternoon, Grantin was surprised to find that Greyhorn's latest potion was still able to raise in him a new knot of fear.

"No, uncle, not again," Grantin whined.

"None of your complaints, Grantin, I don't like this any more than you do. It's all your own fault anyway. I'm the one who should be upset. Haven't I spent half the day trying to save your stupid finger? Haven't I exhausted myself with spells and incantations? Haven't I emptied my larder of supplies of many coppers in value all in your behalf? You should get down on your knees and thank me for my kindness and generosity in going to all this extra trouble in your behalf, so stop your whining!"

"Yes, uncle, but at least could you tell me what this one is supposed to do?"

"It's supposed to get the ring off your finger, idiot!" Greyhorn replied as he advanced an ominous step or two closer to Grantin's seated form. "Here, Grantin, hold this under your nose and breathe deeply, then hold your breath while I pronounce the spell."

Trembling, Grantin accepted the cup, but the stench was so vile that he held it at arm's length.

"I said breathe deeply…"

"I know, uncle, but I could breathe deeply with greater peace of mind if I knew what this was supposed to do. Couldn't you just give me a little hint?"

"All right, if you're going to be a baby about it. This is a unique substance of my own devising, a combination of the sorrel stasis incantation and a soup of boiled mummy plant."

"Mummy plant! Isn't that the one they use to shrink corpses so that your loved ones can be carried in your pocket?"

"Full strength, yes, it is sometimes used for that purpose, but this is a much milder batch. A lungful of my compound will only reduce you to about four feet in height, three at the most. While you're shrinking I will pronounce a spell which will keep the ring the same size. Naturally, the finger of someone three or four feet tall is much smaller than that of someone six feet in height, and so if the ring remains the same size we should be able to remove it easily."