Диана Дуэйн - The Door Into Shadow

Oh, My Maidm, my Queen, they know You too— She could find no other thought. Thinking was driven out of her by the immensities. After a while she realized she was leaning against Hasai's face, her cheek resting on the great sapphired one, her left arm holding the Dragon close and her right in his mouth, up to the shoulder. And her face was wet. She straightened up, abashed.
Hasai let her arm loose, and Segnbora spent a few moments brushing herself off and trying to find some composure. Hasai watched her gravely, wailing. "It felt real!" '"And so 1 it was."
"But that happened a, long time ago!" """Certainly. And, it happened again, right, then."' "But it was a, memory," Segnbora said, confused. "If I had tried to change what was happening, I couldn't have." ""'Of course you, could have changed, it," Hasai said, politely. "We wondered that you, didn't try." She shook, her head again. Perhaps she was just not think-ing well in this language yet.
"It was. very beautiful," she said after a pause. ""We thank 'you, sdaha." There was nothing in Dragon life more important than memories, and the sharing of them. "It's well that you find value in who we were, and are, for we cannot
leave. Henceforward, you will have to deal with us as we are — as we shall deal with you."
Segnbora looked up in sudden anger at the immense face above her. "Who are you to dictate terms to me in my own mind?" she cried. "You say 'your own mind'," Hasai said. "You imply owner-ship — or at least control. Prove your claim. Leave this 'mind* and then come back. Or better still, remove us."
There was a long silence, during which Hasai watched her, and neither of them moved.
"We cannot leave, either," said Hasai. Baffled, Segnbora shook her head. "Now what?" she said finally. "Now," Hasai said, "we sue for pardon of wrongs done in haste."
He bowed to her, his wings going up again, and his great head sinking low; lower than ever, this time, till it almost touched the floor. Those eyes as tall as her body were below her own.
"I am — sorry — about the mdeihei. " The words came out of him oddly; to a Dragon this was like apologizing for breath-ing. "They were trying to find out what kind of place they were in. That can be very important. We are large as your kind reckons size, true enough; and well armed, and long-lived. But we have our fears too."
Segnbora became conscious that the rustling in the shad-ows had stopped, and that many eyes were gazing out of it at her with a frightening and alien directness.
"I am aware of your dislike for others delving in your memories. I will keep the mdeihei out of your past — though you are of course welcome to ours. But I don't know what I can do about your future—"
"Neither do I," Segnbora said, with a rueful laugh. "The present is giving me enough problems already." Suddenly she was thinking about Lorn, and Lang, and the others. Had they left her in Chavi as planned? She had to get out and see where she was. . "Since you are us now," Hasai said, sensing both the joy and danger her liege represented, "you must be more conscientious in safeguarding your body. There is more than just one of you to go rdahaih if you're careless."
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"And you of course will take care of me for the same rea-son—"
"We would take care of you anyway, shared mindspace or no," Hasai said. "Life is the Immanence's gift, not to be thoughtlessly cast away even when it is alien — or angry."
Segnbora bit the inside of her lip, ashamed of herself. / did ask for a change at the Fane, she thought after a moment. The request has certainly been granted! But it's just like the old stories: If you don't specify what you want when you wish for something, you may get a surprise. .
"I must go." Segnbora turned and headed for the little low door of the cavern. "Sehe'rae, sdaha," said the huge viol-voice from behind her: Go well, outdweller. Segnbora paused. "Sehe'rae—" she said, and tasted the next word. " — mdaha. " Mindmate.
The mdeihei, pacified at last, settled back into the song of the ages, the litany of all their memories, all their lives. Segnbora threw a last glance at Hasai, burning in iron and diamond in the light from the shaft. Then she turned and ducked through the door—

"Six days," Herewiss said. "We thought we'd have to leave you in—"
"I know. I heard you. I would have done the same thing.** Freelorn and Herewiss glanced at one another in relief. To the sound of more rustling, Lang dropped to the grass beside them. He stared at Segnbora and said nothing; but her under-hearing woke up as if it had been kicked, bringing her a flood of worry, not nearly as relieved as that of the others.
She took another drink to gather her composure, and then looked at Lang and said quietly, "You told me so. …" He shrugged and looked away.
THE DOOR INTO SHADOW
"Here," Freelorn said, "you ought to see'—" He got. up, went off and rummaged around in his bags for a moment, then came back with a small square of polished steel, a mirror,
Segnbora looked at herself. The same old face — prominent nose, pointed chin, deep-set eyes with circles smudged a bit darker than usual. But her hair wasn't the same: It was coming in shockingly silver-white at the roots, "Oh dear," she said, and couldn't find anything else to say.
Lang got up abruptly and went away.
Segnbora handed Freelorn back his mirror and looked at
Herewiss. "I had quite a night. Can I sleep a little more? Then I'll be able to ride/" … — „j
Herewiss nodded. "Rest," he said. "Chavi is still a day away, and we're not in such a hurry that you can't recuperate
, *»
* She nodded back, suddenly very weary, and lay down, gratefully wrapping her blankets around her. Some time after she closed her eyes, she realized that neither her liege-lord nor his loved had moved, but were still watching her, wonder —
flr
" Berend," Freelorn said very quietly, "the thing that happened to you at the Fane— What was it?"
"Not 'it'," she sighed, without opening her eyes. "'Them.'"
This time the darkness was only sleep, and she embraced
it.
Six
If you'll walk with kings and queens, well; but take care. For the Shadow aims ever at them — and though It often misses, It doesn't scorn to hit the person standing closest.
Askrythen, 14, xi
It was an odd riding that someone standing on the old diked road to Chavi would have seen approaching through the eve-ning. Indeed, maybe it was better that no one was there to witness it.
Between the tall hawthorn hedges in the fading light came, first, two men in country clothes, one on a sorrel, one on a bay. Their horses
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flinched and shied occasionally, for their riders were juggling stones, and dropping them frequently. A third man on a black palfrey was repeatedly plucking a single string on a lute, trying to elicit the same note twice in a row from his tone-deaf companion. Then came a young slim woman in a worn brown surcoat, riding a Steldene steeldust mare. She spoke occasionally to the empty air, like a. mad-woman, with a hoarse voice; and frequently raised a hand to brush back hair that was oddly pale at its roots and part,
Behind her, bringing up the rear, rode a tall dark man on a blood-bay stallion and a short dark man on a black-maned chestnut. The small man was waving his arms and arguing about something; his tall companion nodded gravely at most of what he said, glancing occasionally over to his. left, where' a hundredweight boulder was floating along beside him in the
air.
"Look at them. Look at them! They'll never manage a jug-gling act with people watching them.! Dusty, I love them, but they can't juggle air!"
* 'They 11 do all right. They're just out of practice. It's been seven years since they juggled for a living, after all." "Yes, but—"
'"Lorn, they'll do all right. So will you, and so will Moris and
Dritt and the rest. Most of the entertainers on the road are only mediocre anyway. And it's not as if gleemen's immunity depended on whether we're good or not. No one's going to suspect anything. This is the middle of nowhere." "Mmmmf. . "
(Hah!) Sunspark said suddenly from beneath Herewiss. (For one lousy penny I'm supposed to cut off my legs?)
Segnbora tried to put her head under her wing in token of mild exasperation, and found she couldn't. She made a face. "The punch line
usually conies at the end of the joke," she said.
(Oh. Well, there's this beggar—) "That one won't work now. We know the ending. Start another.." (All right.) It thought a moment, and Segnbora shook her head, bemused.
While she had been busy with Hasai, Dritt had made the mistake one day of trying to make friends with Sunspark by telling it a joke. Since then it had decided that joking was a vital part of human experience, and had been demanding everyone to teach it the art, on pain of burning them when Herewiss wasn't looking. As soon as she was in the saddle again, Sunspark had accosted Segnbora. In no mood for jok-ing, she had suggested that it tell her jokes, and thus learn by doing. She'd had no peace since,
(—SO' there are these two women, they go into an inn and the innkeeper conies to their table, and one of the women says,, 'Bring us the best red wine you have, and. be sure the cups are clean!* So the innkeeper goes off, and comes back with a tray, and says, "Two red wines. And which, one asked for the' clean cup? 1 *)
Herewiss closed his eyes and laughed. "Not. bad." (I made it up,) said Sunspark, all childish pride. It did a quick, capriole out of sheer pleasure, and almost unseated Herewiss. "Oof! Watch that, you. On second thought, maybe we should increase your part, in the act. We could use another jester." "Mnk'qalasihiw, Hkir—"' Segnbora, cleared her throat. The
Dracon language was beginning to fascinate her, and her desire to master it sometimes caused it to get out of her mouth before Darthene did. "I mean, Herewiss, there's only one problem with that. What happens if an audience doesn't laugh?"
Sunspark threw a merry glance at its rider. (If they don't laugh, we get rid of them and bring in a new audience.) The thought "get rid of them" was attached to plans for the same sudden-death fire that had been the end of the deathjaw.
THE DOOR INTO SHADOW
Freelorn glanced up at the sky, no doubt to invoke the Goddess's protection on their next audience. Herewiss looked hard at his mount. Sunspark laid back its ears and showed all its teeth around the bit, then subsided somewhat. (They will come back,) it said, sulkiness showing in the thought, (you told me so!) "They will. But there's no reason to hurry people out of this life."
"Don't be hard on it," Segnbora said. "It learns quickly. Another few months and I dare say the audiences will be safe." Freelom and Herewiss exchanged unconvinced, humorous glances, but Segnbora didn't noticed
She was feeling hot — but then, these days, she felt hot most of the time. She closed her eyes to glance back, in mind, at Hasai. Through this day and the day before he had been stretched at ease in the seaside cave, looking out of her eyes, silent for the most part. He stayed out of her thoughts except to ask an occasional question. The rest of the time the rumble of his private thought blended with the bass chorus of the mdeihei, a sound Segnbora found she could now start to ig-nore, like the seashore when one lives nearby. She looked down into herself now and saw Hasai sunning himself in the noon light that splashed down through the cave's shaft. His wings were spread out flat like a butterfly's, lying easy on the floor; his neck was curled so 1 that his head lay under one of them in the position. Segnbora had tried to achieve before.
"That one is insolent," Hasai said, referring to Sunspark. "Is it not?"
In Dracon the question was rhetorical, and Segnbora had no answer for it. She turned away from Hasai without further thought and opened her eyes again on the evening. There was a sweet sharp hawthorn scent in the air.
*' Berend, did you hear me?" Freelorn said. "No, Lorn, I was talking to my lodger." She reached out and picked a white blossom off the hedge past which they were riding, held it to her nose.
"Oh. Sorry. What are you. going to do tonight? Pass the purse?" "She can sing/* Herewiss said. "You can? Well, that's news! You know many songs?" "A few/* Segnbora said. She reined Steelsheen back to ride abreast of Herewiss and Freelorn, suddenly feeling the need for company more normal than that she carried inside her. "I'm best with a kithara, but I'll do all right with the lute."
Herewiss was still being paced by that boulder. It was easily half Sunspark's size, but he showed no sign of strain, and at the same time was keeping Khavrinen from showing so much as a flicker of Fire. His control was improving rapidly. "You won't have any trouble with your part of the act, that's plain," Segnbora said.
Herewiss shrugged, waving the rock away with one hand. It soared up over the hedge like a blown feather and dropped out of sight, hitting the ground in the field on the other side with an, appalling thud.
"It's easy," Herewiss said. "Even the ecstatic part of the Fireflow — those overwhelming' sensations of pleasure you ex-perience during a wreaking — are under control since we dimbed the Fane/"
Freelorn looked, thoughtful, ""You know, I wonder whether the Goddess installed that ecstatic aspect of the Fire on pur-pose, to keep people from doing large wreakings casually; as a sort, of control—"
'"'More likely as a, reward, to make sure the Power's used. But in either case, I'm as free of the ecstatic part of the flow as I desire/" He paused, then went on nervously. "It's a little dangerous, though. The.first time I picked up that rock, I had to be careful that the whole field didn't come with it. ."
Lorn laughed, and reached out to squeeze the hand of his loved.
After a while, at a turn in the road, they could make out a low huddle of squared-off silhouettes against the horizon. Lamps burned like
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yellow stars in each window.
"Your guest—" Freelorn said abruptly to Segnbora. "You said 'they' before. ."
"Hh'rae nt'sseh," she said, and corrected herself with a smile. "It is they. But it's also he. Mostly he."
Freelorn's expression was impossible to read. "Are you— still you?"
Oh Goddess, Lorn, if I only knew! she wanted to cry; but she kept her voice calm. "I'm not sure. Oh, Lorn, let it lie … when we have time, I'll take you and Herewiss inside and introduce you. I'm me enough to function, at least."
Freelorn hastily cast around for something else to talk about. The lane had widened into a road of a size to drive cattle down, and was well tracked and rutted. "Been a lot of traffic here, I'd say."
"For this time of year, yes." Segnbora gazed up at the town. "How many days in Spring this year?" "Ninety-three," Herewiss said. "A Moon and a day till Mid-summer. Why?"
"Just wondering. . Used to be my mother and father would start up for Darthis now, to do Midsummer's in the city with the rest of the Houses. We used to pass this way. But we haven't done the trip since they built the inn at Chavi. My father started having trouble with his legs. It was arthritis, and he couldn't take the long rides anymore," Suddenly she' missed him terribly, in spite of the poor understanding he'd had of her.
"You know this place, then," Herewiss was saying. '"That's a help."
She nodded, blinking back unexpected tears. "They'll be glad to see players. Not many come' down here, es-pecially after the bad weather sets in. They probably haven't been entertained since last summer."* She 1 glanced! at Freelorn. "If things are as bad in Arlen as they are here. .. don't overcharge them, okay? From the look of the fields,
this year's harvest isn't going to be any better than the last." Freelorn nodded. Good harvests were a king's responsibil-ity. Bad ones were a
sign of trouble — like the empty throne
in Arlen. "I'll see to it," he said.
Segnbora nodded, pleased. Lorn was changing. In most respects he was still the same brash, adventure-hungry prince whom she loved so dearly, but increasingly he was overcome by thoughtful silences. When he spoke, there was a new sobri-ety in his tone. She could sense why. The land through which they trav-elled was his by right, and its plight was desperate. The fields were dry and dusty; the people, over-taxed, were in rags. What prince could see this and fail to feel his heart swell with outrage, fail to feel his sword-hand itch for justice? There was a cause growing in Freelorn*s mind, and it excited her.
Nevertheless, they were a long way from restoring him to his throne. They were so few, after all, and had been away so long., Indeed, it was months since they had heard any news of the kingdom. The usurper's authority would be well established by now. It was for that reason that Lorn had chosen the inconspicuous town of Chavi for their first real foray into civilization. Here, disguised as entertainers, they could gather intelligence without arousing suspicion.
(How about this?) Sunspark said. (The Goddess is walking down, the road and She sees a duck—)
They rode up to the town's rough fieldstone-and-mortar walls and were readily admitted. Chavi was much as Segn-bora remembered it. The town's central square was stone-paved, surrounded by earth and fieldstone houses with