Бри Деспейн - The Lost Saint

“Well, hello to you, too,” he said. “What’s gotten into you—?”

I pressed my lips over his mouth and kissed him with such force that he stumbled back into his apartment. I kicked the door closed behind us, dropped my backpack on the ground, and pressed my body against his.

I tasted him with my lips, drew in his almondy scent with every heavy breath, but it still wasn’t enough.

Still not enough to ease the pain.

I kissed him harder and ran my hands down his arms, feeling the curves of his muscles under his thin oxford shirt. Daniel’s arms tightened around me as he returned my kisses. His hands caressed my back and then pulled my jacket off my shoulders. It fell to the ground at my feet. Then his hands were on my waist, holding me tight by my hips.

I could feel his want for me in his touch, but it still wasn’t enough to ease the aching inside. I still needed more. I kissed him harder and used the pressure of my body to propel him toward the sofa bed only a few feet behind us.

Daniel stopped when the backs of his knees hit the side of the mattress. His touch became hesitant as I pressed against him harder. He pulled back from my mouth and whispered against my cheek, “What are you wanting here, Grace? I thought we were waiting.”

You can’t wait anymore.

“I can’t wait anymore.” I echoed the voice in my head.

I pushed Daniel. His knees softened, and he sat at the edge of the bed. I climbed onto his lap and kissed him deeply, running my fingers along the buttons of his shirt, tracing his pecs and then his abs beneath the fabric.

The aching in my muscles suddenly surged through my body like some kind of foreign energy. I felt it clutch at my heart, squeezing like a clawed hand. I’d felt that sensation before. I knew what it meant. Something else was in control.

A small part of my brain told me to stop, told me to back off before it was too late—but I couldn’t. I wanted Daniel more than anything I’d ever wanted before.

I needed him.

Then devour him! roared that foreign voice inside my head.

And before I knew what was happening, my teeth were bared in a snarl, and my hands were clawing at Daniel’s collar. I ripped his shirt open, sending buttons flying. I could feel Daniel grabbing at my hands, could hear him telling me to calm down, but that only made me claw at him harder.

It was like I was watching myself act like a monster from the corner of the room, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

“Stop!” Daniel shouted. He grabbed my shoulders and threw me off him sideways onto the bed. He jumped off the mattress. His arms flew up in a defensive position, ready to fight if he needed to. “Easy, Grace. This isn’t you. Get ahold of yourself.”

I rolled over, panting into his bedspread. My body shuddered and convulsed—like something was trying to tear its way out of my skin. I screamed and clawed at my own neck, searching for my moonstone—but my neck was empty.

“Where is it, Grace?” Daniel asked, urgency bleeding out from his voice. “Where’s your moonstone?”

“My backpack,” I panted into the sheets.

I heard a rustling noise and then felt pulsing warmth on my back. Daniel sat next to me, pressing the stone against the bare skin at the nape of my neck. I let its calming warmth tingle through me, easing the darkness that had crept into my heart. The deep shudder in my nerves lessened to a tremble.

I looked up at Daniel sitting next to me. His torn shirt hung open, revealing three long red gashes from my fingernails across his collarbone. But it was the expression on his face as he stared down at me that made my eyes fill with tears. He didn’t see me lying there in his bed.

He saw the wolf.

TEN MINUTES LATER

I perched on the side of the mattress as far away from Daniel as I could get. I clutched the moonstone in my hands, rocking back and forth with the rhythm of its pulse. Daniel started to scoot toward me, his hand outstretched toward the torn sleeve of my shirt.

I shook my head. “No. Don’t touch me, please.” I didn’t want him near me, didn’t want the possibility of hurting him again.

“How did this happen, Grace?” Daniel’s voice cracked a bit as he spoke. Was he trying to hold back his anger? “I don’t understand how the wolf could have that much control over you.” His voice cracked again. “This is all my fault. Gabriel was right. I should have never started training you in the first place. I thought if I taught you balance, this wouldn’t happen. But I did this to you. I didn’t stop your training in time—”

“No,” I said. “Don’t say that. Don’t blame yourself. I did this, not you. I didn’t stop training when you asked me to.…” My lips trembled, and I couldn’t speak anymore. I’d already cried a good amount, but another wave of sobs ripped through me.

“What do you mean? What have you been doing? What happened to your arm? And why the hell …?” He paused, as if dampening his temper.

“Why weren’t you wearing your moonstone?”

A million lies flashed through my mind—a million excuses I could tell Daniel for why I wasn’t wearing my moonstone, my fail-safe. But what was the point of lying anymore?

“I took it off to conceal my identity. I confronted a member of that gang of invisible thieves—they’re called the Shadow Kings. I killed him. He was a demon, and I staked him through the heart.”

I heard Daniel take in a sharp breath.

“But really, the reason I took off my moonstone was because I wanted to prove that I didn’t need it.” I shook my head. “But I was wrong.”

Gabriel had been right about me.

I was losing myself like the rest of them.

I’d let the wolf inside my head, inside my heart, and it had tried to take me over. Tried to make me harm the person I loved the most. I wasn’t stronger. I wasn’t better. I wasn’t different.

The mattress shifted as Daniel stood up. I could hear his footsteps as he paced beside the bed. He stopped a few inches away from me and then went back to pacing. This time he stopped when he was on the opposite side of the room. “Help me understand what you’re saying. You went after the gang alone? Why would you do that?”

“Because I wanted to find Jude. I wanted to make my family whole again. Going after the gang was the only way I knew how to find him. But you wouldn’t help me. Not you or Gabriel or my father. So I found someone who would. I didn’t do this alone. I found someone who believed in me.”

“What do you mean you found someone? Who is this person, Grace?”

“His name is Nathan Talbot, and he’s a demon hunter—a Hound of Heaven. I met him at The Depot when I went there with April. He saved us from some trouble.… But he’s been training me. Teaching me the things that you couldn’t.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

I shook my head. “Because of how you’ve been acting lately—and demanding that I be normal. And because I knew it would upset you. I knew you’d be worried. I was afraid you’d try to stop—”

“Damn right, I’m worried!” Daniel shouted. “You’re keeping secrets from me. Secrets that are more deadly than you could even imagine.” He slammed his hand against the wall. “You meet some mysterious guy who claims he can train you. How did he even know what you are? How do you know he’s not the one Jude was trying to warn you about? The person who’s after us? Do you have any idea how stupid you’ve been?”

“Stop it!” I jumped up from the bed and faced him. “Talbot isn’t after me. We’ve been alone together a dozen times. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have by now. He doesn’t want to kill me; he wants to help me. He believes that I can be a hero like you used to.”