Аманда Хокинг - Fate

“That’s expensive, but I think I could do that. Then he’d want me?”

“I think you should just forget about Milo,” I advised her carefully. “It sounds like you’re at a party with a lot of other guys, and you can pretty much get any guy you want. There’s no reason for to worry about Milo.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Jane snapped. “You don’t think I don’t know how hot I am? I do. But I can’t stop thinking about Milo! I can’t! You don’t know what this is like!”

“I think I do,” I muttered to myself. My apartment was cleaner than it had ever been before because I was trying to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t think about Jack. It hadn’t worked as well as I would’ve liked, but it was better than nothing.

“I don’t know what to do!” Jane wailed, pulling me from my thoughts on Jack. “I don’t think I can live without him! Really, Alice. I’m trying… and I just can’t do it!” She was crying hard, and I had never heard her this upset about anything before, not even when she was drunk.

“Jane, where are you at?” Obviously, just giving her a quick pep talk on the phone wasn’t working. This was much deeper than that.

“Why do you care?” Jane retorted.

“Jane, just tell me where you are.” I got up off the bed and rummaged through my closet, looking for something that I could just throw on so I looked presentable to the rest of the world.

“I’m at Dan Kelly’s house,” Jane answered almost reluctantly. She sighed rather dramatically. “I’ll be around if you can make it here.” Then she clicked off the phone.

Dan Kelly had dated Jane when we were fourteen, and he only lived a few blocks away from me, so I knew exactly where he lived. Hurriedly, I changed into a pair of jeans and purple top. I ran a brush through my hair, trying to detangle the dust from it, but I decided to forgo the make up.

There wasn’t really anybody I wanted to impress. I was just going to get Jane, talk some sense into her, and then… and then I don’t know.

That was as far I had thought through.

I tucked my phone into my pocked and darted out of the apartment. There had been an early morning rain that had turned into a dense fog as the night rolled in. On top of it was a distinct chill that made me wish I had a grabbed a sweater or a jacket before leaving, but I figured that if I walked quickly, I could stay warm anyway. The street lights cast eerily across the fog, making it shadows visible in the air.

I heard the party before I saw it, but that wasn’t really unusual even when there wasn’t fog. Much to my surprise, Jane was standing out in front of the house, smoking a cigarette with her cell phone pressed up to her ear. She was babbling something about being the hottest thing sliced bread, so I assumed she was talking to Milo.

“Jane,” I said, walking across the lawn towards her. She shook her head and waved me away, but I kept going. “Jane, what are you doing?”

“Answer the damn phone!” Jane shrieked into her phone. “I know that you’re there!”

“Jane, it’s voicemail. He can’t hear you,” I explained calmly.

“They sent you.” Jane flicked her phone shut, then looked at me evenly through her blood-shot eyes.

Mascara and eye-liner made streaks down her cheeks, and her bright red lip gloss had smeared across her face. I had never seen her look quite so terrible before. “Just like I said.”

“Nobody sent me. You sounded horrible on the phone. I’m just worried about you.” I reached out to touch her, but she shied away from me and shook her head.

“I don’t need your damn pity.” Her cigarette had burned down to the filter, so she tossed it on the grass and pulled another one of her bra. When she wore get-ups like the one she wore now, she tended to store her cigarettes and cell phone in her bra. The rest of her skimpy skirt and tight top didn’t allow for any storage room.

“I’m not giving you any.” I crossed my arms on my chest, trying to look defiant in some way.

“So did you come here to gloat then?” She exhaled smoke in my face and tried to glare at me.

“I have nothing to gloat about.” I coughed and waved the smoke out of my face. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“You have no idea what this is like.” She chewed the inside of her cheek and shook her head. “It’s like I can still feel him inside of me, and not in a way I’ve ever felt before. He’s under my skin, and I can’t shake him, and he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I know exactly what that feels like, Jane,” I corrected her. “Exactly.”

“What are you talking about?” Her expression was skeptical, but she started to soften.

“I don’t really wanna get into everything right now, but… it’s Saturday night, and I have nowhere else to be right now. Nobody has called me in days.” I tried to shrug it off, but it stung worse saying it aloud. It had actually been almost a week since I’d last talked to Jack, and just thinking it made me sick to my stomach.

“So why do you look better than I do?” Jane eyed me over, and gave me her highest form of compliment.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Except that I haven’t been drinking.” The only thing I had over her was that I had more practice with trying to pretend like everything about vampires didn’t freak me out.

“We could go fix that.” Jane gave me a wicked smile and nodded towards the house. “I’m sure there’s a drunk guy in there that would just love to feel you up.”

“That is probably true, but I don’t think that’s the answer.”

Last time I had gotten drunk, I had gotten myself in a situation and then Jack had to come save me. While having him saving again did sound very inviting, I had a feeling that this time he wouldn’t. From here on out, it seemed like I was going to be on my own.

“Come on.” I took step backwards and nodded in the direction of my house. “Let’s go back to my place. We can watch bad Lifetime movies all night long. It’s far more therapeutic than drunk dialing.”

“I think I’d much rather finish off that bottle of vodka, and see what Dan is up to.” She looked longingly back at the house, then glanced back at me. “You’re more than welcome to join me.”

“No, come on, Jane.” I wanted to grab her arm and drag her back with me, but I stayed where I was and tried to think of a convincing argument. “Don’t you ever have enough of that?”

“You don’t have to approve, but this is my life, okay?” Jane replied harshly. “I don’t know what the hell you do to get you through the night, but this is how I cope. And I’m not gonna change it just cause you don’t approve.”

“Whatever,” I grumbled, but she actually had a point. “You just gotta stop calling Milo, okay? He’s not gonna talk to you, and nothing you can say or do will ever change his mind.”

“I know,” Jane breathed shakily. “And that’s why I need another drink.”

“But you won’t call him anymore?” I asked her as she turned to walk into the house.

“Scouts’ honor!” Jane crossed her finger over her heart as she walked precariously in her heels.

“I’ll even delete his number from my phone!”

Even after she’d gone in the house, I stood out in the fog, debating on what I should do next. I had really wanted her to come with me, but mostly for my own selfish reasons. Spending another night alone sounded like torture, and I couldn’t even find Peter’s book to keep my company. I thought about calling to Milo to let him know mission accomplished and to see if he had taken the book for some reason, but then I decided I against it.

I briefly considered taking Jane up on her offer and joining the party. I wouldn’t drink, but at least it would be good to be around people. But then I remembered how much I avoided the very seem people in school, so it would be rather awkward to strike up a conversation with them.