Аманда Хокинг: Fate

“It’s not that simple.” I tried walking away from her, but she followed me.

“He’s not gay, is he? Please tell me he’s not gay.” Jane sounded so desperate that I had to stifle a laugh. Briefly, I considered telling her that he was gay just so she’d get off my back, but I was a terrible liar.

“No, he’s not,” I shook my head, and Jane let out a dramatic sigh of relief. I pretended to be really interested in a padded bra, hoping she’d get bored and wander off, but she stayed glued next to me.

“How do you know? Have you guys kissed?” She crossed her arms over her chest, studying my face for clues, so I knew my best bet was not to respond. That gave something away, though, because she gasped.

“Ohemgee! You totally kissed!”

“It was once, like six months. It’s not a big deal,” I tried to brush her off her. It was just once, six months ago, but it was a really big deal. It had been the most amazing, heated, passionate kiss of my entire life. But there was a very good chance that any more kisses like that could lead to our deaths, so we had to stop, and we hadn’t kissed since.

The problem was Peter. My blood was meant for him, and his for me. Something was encrypted in our DNA that made us attracted to each other, and it’s the most intense physical need I’ve ever had. When I can’t breathe and my lungs crave oxygen is nothing compared to what I feel for Peter. He eclipses everything else.

Being away from him leaves a dull ache inside of me that never goes away, but it gets easier to ignore. Peter had already lost someone that he loved and didn’t want to go through that again, so he avoided me. But when it came right down to it, there was something off between us. He’d felt the way this was supposed to feel before, and there’s something missing this time. Everything I feel for Peter is purely physical, and it’s supposed to be more than that. There’s supposed to be love, only more powerful, and there wasn’t.

That doesn’t change the way Peter feels for me, though. Vampires by nature are very possessive, and even though he doesn’t exactly want me, he doesn’t want anyone else to have me. Rather, he can’t let anyone else have me, even Jack, who appears to be far more attracted to me than he should be. If Peter knew that we’re together, if he could smell Jack on my blood, then he’d probably kill Jack, even though he wouldn’t really want to.

Peter knows how Jack feels about me, and he couldn’t find any way around it. Last spring, he told me that he and his family weren’t going to see me anymore, and I had been completely devastated. In the heat of the moment, I had asked him to kill me, and after pleading and drawing my own blood in front of him, he’d finally caved in and bit me. As amazing as my kiss with Jack had been, Peter biting me felt a million times better. It was everything I had heard sex was supposed to be, and so much more.

Peter had very nearly killed me when Jack rushed in to stop him. He had been in the basement at the time, trying to avoid me being around Peter because it was too painful for him, but he sensed that something was wrong. We’re connected much more than we’re supposed to be. I can feel what he feels, and he reacts to my blood much more strongly than other vampires would.

Somehow, the bond I was only supposed to create with one vampire managed to crossover into two, and because of it, I can’t really be with either of them. After that, Peter took off, saying it was the best thing for me and the rest of his family. Jack and I still hang out, since it would feel impossible not to, but we’re more careful. There’s a pain at being separated from Peter, but I can live with it. Ezra talks to Peter occasionally, and apparently, he’s doing fine. Jack started busying himself with work, partially because it was time for him to, and partially to create more distance from me. If he had it his way, he’d spend every minute with me, but that is not healthy for us. Or for anyone, for that matter.

“Earth to Alice.” Jane waved her hands in front of my face, pulling from my thoughts. “Yeah, I’m sure that kiss was totally nothing if you get all spacey just thinking about it.”

“Okay, it wasn’t nothing,” I admitted reluctantly. “But it can never happen again.”

“Why the hell not?” Jane looked more appalled then I had ever seen her before, but I just shook my head and stepped away from her. “Alice!”

“Not everything is black and white,” I mumbled lamely. Everyone in the store had turned to look at us, but it wasn’t because of Jane’s inability to put on clothes that actually covered her body. She was stalking after me in her stilettos, this intense expression plastered on her face. “Jane, you’re making a scene.”

“I don’t care. You’re an idiot!” Jane announced, like that solved anything.

“I’m not going to have this conversation with you if you’re going to act like this.”

“You’re not having this conversation anyway,” Jane scoffed.

Rolling my eyes, I turned and walked out of the store. Jane followed behind me, at an incessantly quick pace when considering her footwear in comparison to my simple skimmers. She was still glowering at me, but I was stalling for time. Obviously, she wasn’t going to let this go and I had to find someway to explain it to her.

“Well?” Jane demanded when I had gone some time without speaking. We had made it half-way to the food court, so I relented.

“Remember when I told you about Jack’s brother Peter?” I asked cautiously.

“You’re shagging the foxier brother?” Her eyes widened, and I shook my head quickly.

“No, but he’s sorta into me.” He craved me more than he craved anything else on earth, so sure, he was sorta into me.

“No way!” Jane stopped walking, giving me a look of total disbelief. “There’s no way!”

“What?” I hadn’t even told her anything yet, and already she didn’t believe me.

“You’re in a love triangle with the two incredibly gorgeous guys?” Her hands were on hips, and she just gaped at me. “You?”

“Thanks so much,” I muttered and started walking towards the food court. I knew that I wasn’t the prettiest girl in the world. In fact, especially with Jane around, I was never even the prettiest girl in the room.

Still, it didn’t feel good to know that I was so unbelievably plain that it was inconceivable to imagine that hot guys would be attracted to me.

“No, Alice!” Jane sounded apologetic as she hurried to catch up with me. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not even hot enough to be caught in between them. Nobody is.”

“Fair enough.”

For the most part, I tried not to think about how it didn’t make any sense that they wanted anything to do with me. Something inside them compelled them to like me, and it was probably a glitch or some kind of vampire malfunction, so it’d be better if I didn’t question it too much and just went along with it.

“I just can’t believe your luck,” Jane sighed dramatically.

“Who can?” I shrugged.

My attention had turned to the stand selling Mango-Strawberry Smoothies, which is only the greatest drink known to man. Knowing Jane, she would spend an hour talking about what food sounded good and what she wanted to eat, and then just order a bottled water or a diet Coke. But at least she would be diverted from demanding more information about Jack.

The problem with summer was that the nights were incredibly short. It’s still dusk until after ten at night, and dawn starts kicking in around four. In June, it’s the worst, when there’s only four and a half hours of pure darkness. Obviously, vampires spent more time indoors in the summer, but it was more fitting anyway, since heat didn’t agree with them as much as the cold. All summer long, they had kept their house at 65 degrees, and I had a feeling that was more for my benefit. If I hadn’t been around, it’d probably be in the 50’s.