Аманда Хокинг - Flutter

His fists were clenched at his sides, but his eyes were just frightened and distressed. It killed him that I cared anything for Peter, and it would literally kill him if anything happened to me. He wasn’t trying to contain his anger as much as trying to mask his panic over losing me, either to Peter or to death.

“I won’t let anything happen to her, but she might be the best chance I have for talking Peter down from the ledge.” Ezra held his hands palm out towards Jack, trying to calm him, but that would mostly be impossible. “I have to try anything.”

“I am so sick of this!” Jack shouted, exasperated. “I should’ve just killed him when I had the chance!”

“Jack!” Mae chided him. “You don’t mean that! Don’t say things like that!”

Her warm maternal concern only lightly covered her own fear over everything. While she didn’t want anything bad to happen to anyone, she was become increasingly distanced from Peter. He was driving a wedge in the family, and she thought that he might physically harm the most defenseless of her brood, namely Jack, Milo, and me.

“I would love to stay and have this argument with you, but we really need to get on a flight out of here!” Ezra boomed over us all. “Alice, if you’re coming with, you need to pack for the cold.

I’ll go book the flight and get our passports ready.” Ezra turned to walk down the hall to his den, ending the conversation.

“Ezra!” Jack shouted and made a step after him, but Mae stopped him.

“I’ll talk to him,” Mae assured him meekly. “You take care of her.” She nodded towards me but didn’t look directly at anyone, probably because she was trying to keep the tears standing in her eyes instead of falling down her cheeks.

Mae hurried after Ezra, and Jack turned to me. His face was a mixture of rage, terror, jealousy, and underlying everything, love. He looked at me for a moment, trying to think of precisely what he wanted to say to me, and I took a deep breath before he could mount his argument.

“You’re not going to talk me out of this, Jack,” I told him.

I brushed past him so I could run upstairs to my room, to our room really, but both he and Milo followed right on my trail. With my quick, clumsy steps, it was amazing that I didn’t fall down the stairs, and if I had, that would’ve done very little for my case for going with Ezra.

Jack had been sleeping in Ezra’s den downstairs since I had turned, but all his things were still in here.

The closet was full of both our clothes, and my wardrobe had greatly expanded since I had turned. Ezra and Mae had set me up with an expense account and credit cards a few weeks ago, and my new, trimmer vampire body required all new clothes.

I went into the massive walk-in closet, rummaging around for bags. Inexplicably, Jack had hot pink luggage, but I didn’t have time to question it. I pulled the bags out from the underneath the pile of blankets it was hidden under and flipped it open, preparing to fill it with my things. Jack stood in the doorway, and Milo stood behind him, both of them glaring down at me.

“You’re actually packing?” Milo asked, sounding surprised. “You can’t really be considering going with Ezra.”

“He’s right. This is stupid,” Jack agreed. “It’s ridiculous and dangerous, and you don’t even know where you’re going. How can you even pack for that?”

“He said to pack for the cold,” I reminded them both.

I loaded my bag with sweaters and jeans and socks. Vampires didn’t really feel cold, and in fact, we preferred it to heat. But if we were to walk around in a blizzard wearing a tee shirt and shorts, the humans around us would start to question it, so we dressed warmly to fit in.

“Jack, just forbid her from going or something!” Milo said glibly.

“I can’t forbid her from doing anything,” Jack replied tiredly, but he definitely wished he could at times like this. “And if I tried, it would just make her want to do it more.”

I threw a pair of boots in the bag, and then struggled to zip the bag up. Obviously, I was much stronger than the stupid metal zipper, but I hadn’t figured out to use my strength at all. I had been constantly breaking things, and I had yet to figure out the medium between using too much and too little force.

“Here.” Jack came over and knelt on the floor next to me so he could zip up my bag for me.

“Thank you,” I said softly, and looked down at the bag so I wouldn’t look at him.

“Alice, why do you even wanna go?” Jack asked plaintively.

“He didn’t do anything wrong,” I told him quietly, and he rolled his eyes.

“He tried to kill you, Alice!” Jack shouted, and the pain from seeing me almost die sprang fresh in him. That had been one of the most agonizing moments of this life, and it was hard to feel what he felt, the terror and desperation that had he gone through when I had been dying.

“He didn’t mean to,” I insisted, and that was only half a lie.

Peter had never really wanted to hurt me, but he didn’t know what to do about anything.

When I had asked him to end my life, he had refused, so I had bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, and I knew that he wouldn’t be able to reject biting me then. I had forced him into biting me, and Jack had rushed in just in time to stop him from finishing the job.

“But he did, Alice!” Jack growled. “He hurt you constantly! All he ever did was push you away and treat you like crap and almost murder you! What about that is so endearing to you?”

“He didn’t ask for any of this, Jack!” I shouted. “He didn’t ask to feel the way he did about me, and he just wanted it to stop! So did I! So did you! But he’s the only one being punished for it! And you of all people should understand what he’s going through! You got me! You won! And now he’s alone and suicidal somewhere because of me! I can’t just let him die!”

My intensity only hurt and bewildered Jack more. He leaned back, resting against a row of shelves that were filled with his Converse. His expression had gone lax, and I knew he had resigned himself to me going, but that didn’t mean he felt okay about it. In fact, his own resignation bothered him.

“Jack, listen to me.” I took his hand gently, and his sad, blue eyes met mine. “Ezra’s not going to let anything bad happen to me. You know that. And I love you, okay?”

“I don’t want you to go, Alice,” Jack said simply. “Please. If you love me. Don’t go.”

Seeing him like that, so desperate for me to stay, broke my heart. I never wanted to hurt him, and whenever possible, I’d do whatever it took to make him happy. If Ezra had shot me down, I wouldn’t have fought to go, but if he agreed, then he obviously thought that I could be of some help. It was heart-wrenching to see Jack so unhappy, but if causing him a few moments of misery would save Peter’s life, then so be it.

“I’m sorry, Jack.”

From downstairs, I heard Ezra calling my name, telling me that we had to get going. I pursed my lips, watching Jack and waiting for him to respond somehow. Part of me expected him to yell and demand that I stay, but that was never his style. He lowered his eyes and gently rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand, making my skin tremble. Finally, he exhaled deeply.

“I’ll drive you,” Jack whispered and started getting to his feet.

“What?” Milo protested incredulously. “You’re just letting her go?”

Jack was still holding my hand, so he helped me to my feet. Milo had his arms crossed over his chest and stood just outside of the closet door, glaring at the both of us for being so stupid. Jack leaned over and picked up my bag so he could carry it downstairs, even though I was strong enough to do it myself.