Аманда Хокинг - Switched

“You’ve never tried harder than this? On anything?” Finn asked incredulously, and I shook my head. “That brother you had never made you do anything?”

“Not really,” I admitted thoughtfully. “He made me go to school I guess, and he really wanted me to graduate. But that’s about it.” Matt and Maggie encouraged me to do a lot of things, but there was very little they actually made me do. Even with me getting in trouble as often as I did, I was very rarely grounded.

“They spoiled you more than I thought,” Finn looked a surprised at that.

“They didn’t spoil me,” I sighed, then quickly amended, “They didn’t spoil me rotten. Not the way Willa was spoiled, and I’m sure a lot of the other changelings were. They just wanted me to be happy.”

“Happiness is something you work for,” Finn pointed out.

“Oh, stop with that fortunate cookie crap,” I scoffed. “We worked for it just like anybody else. They were just really careful with me, probably because my mom tried to kill me. It set them up to treat me more gently than they would’ve otherwise.”

“How did your mother try to kill you?” Finn asked directly.

It startled me a little. I had only very vaguely told him what happened, and we hadn’t talked about it since. It surprised me that he was even talking about it now, since he very rarely seemed to want to talk about my past.

“It was my birthday, and I was being my usual bratty self. I was angry because she’d gotten me a chocolate cake, and I hated it,” I explained. “We were in the kitchen, and she snapped. She started chasing after me with this giant knife. She called me a monster, and then she tried to stab me but she just managed to cut my stomach pretty badly. Then my brother Matt rushed in and tackled her, saving my life.”

“She cut open your stomach?” Finn furrowed his brow with concern.

“Yeah.” Randomly, I pulled up my shirt, revealing the scar that stretched across it. Immediately after I’d done it, I regretted it. Lying on the floor and flashing Finn the fattest part of my body did not sound like a good idea.

Finn crouched on the ground next to me, and tentatively, his fingertips traced along the mark etched on my belly. My skin quivered underneath his touch, and this nervous warmth spread through me. He just stared intently at it, then laid his hand flat on my belly, covering the scar. His skin felt hot and smooth, and inside, my stomach trembled with butterflies.

He blinked, and seeming to realize what he was doing, he pulled his hand back and got to his feet. Quickly, I pulled my shirt back down, and I didn’t even feel that comfortable laying down anymore. I sat up and fixed my bun. It had gotten pushed all over when I laid back on it, so I had to take it out and redo it.

“Matt saved your life?” Finn asked, filling that semi-awkward silence that had shrouded us. He still had a very contemplative look on his face, and I wished I knew what he was thinking.

“Yeah,” I nodded, and I got to my feet. “Matt always protected me, ever since I could remember.”

“Hmm.” Finn looked thoughtfully at me. “You bonded so much more with your host family than the changelings normally do.”

“‘Host family?’” I grimaced. “You make me sound like a parasite.”

Then I realized that I probably was. They had dropped me off with them so I would use their resources, their money, their opportunities, and come back here with them. That’s exactly what a parasite did.

“You’re not a parasite,” Finn said. “They loved you, and you genuinely loved them in return. It is unusual, but that it is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a very good thing. Maybe it’s given you a compassion that the Trylle leaders have been lacking for a very long time.”

“I don’t think I’m very compassionate,” I shook my head.

“You came to my aid last night,” Finn reminded me. “You shouldn’t have done that. I can handle myself, and Willa really means no harm. Defending me will only weaken you. But what you did, you did for the right reasons. You stood up for what you thought was right. It’s a wonderful quality.”

“If that’s not a mixed message, then I don’t know what is,” I shied away from his compliment. “I shouldn’t do that, but I should?”

“You shouldn’t defend me,” Finn clarified. “But you should defend those who can’t do it for themselves. I saw how badly it was bothering you when Willa was harassing Rhiannon, and I see how it gets to you the way Elora talks to people. Elora thinks the only way to command respect is to command fear, but I have a feeling that you will have an entirely different way of ruling.”

“And how will I rule?” I arched my eyebrow at him.

“That is for you to decide,” Finn said simply.

He finished up our lesson after that, saying I needed to rest up for tomorrow. The day had exhausted me, and I was eager to curl up in my blankets and sleep until Sunday, straight through the ball and all the angst that accompanied it. Sleep didn’t come easy, though. I found myself tossing and turning, thinking about the way it felt dancing with Finn and his hand resting warmly on my stomach. But I would always end up thinking of Matt and Maggie, and how much I still missed them.

I woke up startling early that morning. Actually, I’d been waking up all night long, and at six, I finally just gave into it. I got up with the intention of sneaking downstairs to grab a bite to eat, but when I hit the top of the stairs, Rhys came barreling up them to meet me, chomping on a bagel.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” Rhys grinned, swallowing down his bite.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I shrugged. “You?”

“Same. I have to get up for school soon anyway.” He pushed his sandy hair out of his eyes and leaned back against the stair railing. “Are you worrying about this Saturday?”

“Kind of,” I admitted.

“It is pretty intense,” Rhys said, his eyes wide. I nodded noncommittally. “Is something else bothering you? You look pretty… upset, I guess.”

“No.” I shook my head and sighed, then sat down on the top step. I didn’t feel much standing anymore, and to be honest, I wanted to cry. “I was just thinking about my brother.”

“Your brother?” Something flashed across Rhys’s face, and slowly, he sat down next to me. He seemed almost breathless, and at first I didn’t understand, then it dawned on me.

I thought about how weird this must be for Rhys. His whole life he had known that this wasn’t his real family, and it wasn’t even the same as being adopted. It wasn’t like his family had given him up. He had been stolen, and not by a family that had wanted him. They had just wanted me to have his life.

“Yeah. I mean… your brother actually,” I corrected myself, and that felt painful saying it. Matt would always be my brother, no matter what our genetics claimed.

“What’s his name?” Rhys asked quietly.

“Matt. He’s pretty much the nicest guy in the whole world,” I said with tears burning my eyes.

“Matt?” Rhys repeated, in an awed tone.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “He’s the bravest guy ever. He would do anything to protect the people he cares about, and he’s completely selfless. He always puts everybody first. And he’s really, really strong. He’s…” I swallowed and decided that I couldn’t talk about him anymore. I shook my head and looked away.

“What about my mom and dad?” Rhys pressed, and I didn’t know how to answer that.

“Dad died when I was five,” I said carefully. “Mom took it pretty hard, and um… she’s been in the hospital ever since. For psychiatric problems. Matt and my dad’s sister, Maggie, they raised me.”

“Oh.” His face contorted with concern, and I suddenly hated Mom even more. I knew that she had done everything because she loved him, but this is what I was left with telling him. And she’d never be able to have a life with him because she’d always be locked up. All she had done was hurt him and me and Matt and everyone.