Аманда Хокинг - Torn

The meeting didn’t amount to much. Elora filled us in on what was happening. No more Vittra had broken in. Loki hadn’t escaped. She went over the guard shifts with the trackers. I wanted to ask about her plan to barter with the Vittra over Loki, but Elora shot me a warning gaze, and I knew now wasn’t the time to bring it up.

When the meeting ended, I wanted to head to my room, take a long hot shower, and go to sleep. Just before I hopped in the shower, I realized I was out of body wash. We kept some stocked up in the hall closet, which was much better than having to run to a store.

My brain felt numb and short-circuited. For some reason, I could barely feel my extremities, like my fingers and toes. A migraine pulsed at the base of my skull, and the vision in my left eye was a little blurry.

Training today had been harder on me than I had allowed myself to admit to Tove. He offered several times to take a break, but I’d refused, and it was catching up with me now.

I think that’s why I lost it when Finn walked past me without saying hello. I’d walked down the hall, wrapped in my robe, to get some body wash, and Finn happened to be on his rounds once again. He walked by, I said hello, and he wouldn’t even nod or smile at me.

And that was it. That was the final straw.

“What the hell, Finn?” I shouted, whirling on him. He stopped, but only because I startled him. He looked at me, blinking and slack jawed, and I don’t think I’d ever seen him look so caught off-guard before. “Of course you won’t say anything. Just stare blankly at me like you always do.”

“I-I-” Finn stammered, and I shook my head.

“No, really, Finn.” I held my hand to stop him. “If you can’t be bothered to even acknowledge my existence, you shouldn’t start now.”

“Wendy,” he sighed, sounding exasperated. “I’m simply doing my job-”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “Where exactly in your job description does it say be a dick to the Princess and ignore her? Is that in there somewhere?”

“I am merely doing my best to protect you, and you know it.”

“I get that we can’t be together. And it’s not like I’m so weak-willed that the simple act of saying hello to me will cause me to jump your bones in the hall,” I said.

“There is absolutely no reason for you to be so rude to me.”

“I’m not.” Finn’s expression softened, looking pained and confused. “I…” He lowered his gaze to the ground. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you.”

“Why would you think that ignoring me would be the best way to go?” I asked, and to my own surprise, tears brimmed in my eyes.

“This is why I didn’t want to be here,” he shook his head. “I begged the Queen to let me go-”

“You begged her?” I asked, and that was too much.

Finn did not beg. He had too much pride and honor to beg for anything, but he’d wanted to be away from me so badly, he’d resorted to begging.

“Yes!” He gestured to me. “Look at you! Look at what I’m doing to you!”

“So you know that you’re doing it?” I asked. “You know and you’re doing it anyway?”

“I have so few options, Wendy!” Finn shouted. “What do you want me to do? Tell me what it is you think I should do?”

“I don’t want anything from you anymore,” I admitted, and I walked away.

“Wendy!” Finn called after me, but I shook my head and kept going.

“I’m too tired for this, Finn,” I muttered and went into my room.

As soon as I closed the door, I leaned against it and started to cry. I don’t even really know why, though. It wasn’t even that I missed Finn. It was as if I couldn’t control my emotions. They just poured out of me in epic sobs.

I collapsed in bed and decided the only cure for this was sleeping.

It took Duncan twenty minutes to wake me up the next morning. He tried knocking first, but I didn’t hear that at all. When he moved on to shaking me, it still didn’t wake me. He’d been convinced I was dead until Tove showed up and splashed cold water on my face.

“What the hell?” I shouted, sitting up.

Water dripped down my face, and I blinked it away to see both Tove and Duncan holding their heads. My heart pounded in my chest, and I pushed my hair out of my face.

“You did it again, Princess,” Tove said, rubbing his temple.

“What?” I asked. “What’s going on?”

“That brain slap thing you do.” Tove grimaced, but Duncan had already dropped his hand. “We scared you when you woke up, so you lashed out in your sleep. But it’s fading now.”

“Sorry.” I got out of bed in my drenched pajamas. “That doesn’t explain the water, though.”

“You wouldn’t wake up,” Duncan insisted with wide, nervous eyes. “I was afraid you were dead.”

“I told you she wasn’t dead.” Tove cast a look at him and stretched his jaw wide, working out the aches from the slap I’d accidentally given him.

“Are you okay?” Duncan moved closer to me, inspecting me for injuries.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I nodded. “Other than being wet. And I’m still tired.”

“We’ll skip training today,” Tove informed me.

“What?” I turned sharply to him. “Why? I’m just starting to get stuff down.”

“I know, but it’s too draining,” Tove said. “You’ll pull a muscle or something. We can practice more tomorrow.”

I tried to protest, but it was only half-hearted, and Tove wouldn’t hear of it anyway. Even after a good night’s sleep, I still felt drained and exhausted. One whole side of my head felt strangely numb, like half of my brain had fallen asleep.

That wasn’t true, obviously, since I wasn’t having a stroke, but I did need a break.

Tove left to do whatever it is that Tove did with his free time, and Duncan promised me a relaxing day, whether I liked it or not.

First order of business was changing out of my wet clothes and taking a shower.

After I came out of the bathroom, I found Duncan planted on my unmade bed. He started telling me all the quiet things we could do all day, but none of them sounded like fun.

“Would you say talking with friends is relaxing?” I asked, running a towel over my wet curls. Since my head hurt, I wanted to leave my hair down for a change.

“Yeah,” Duncan said hesitantly.

“Great. Then I know what I can do.” I tossed the towel on a nearby chair, and Duncan moved to the edge of the bed.

“What?” Duncan narrowed his eyes at me. I hadn’t sounded excited about any of his ideas, so he didn’t trust whatever I wanted to do.

“I’m going to talk to a friend,” I said.

“What friend?” Duncan got off the bed and followed close behind me as I opened my bedroom door.

“Just a friend,” I shrugged and went out into the hall.

“You don’t have that many friends,” Duncan pointed out, and I pretended to be offended. “Sorry.”“It’s okay. It’s true,” I said as we walked past Rhys’s and Matt’s rooms.

“Oh, no.” Duncan shook his head as he caught on. “Princess, you’re supposed to be relaxing. And that Vittra Markis is certainly not a friend.”

“He’s not exactly an enemy, either, and I only want to talk to him,” I said.

“Princess,” he sighed. “This is a bad idea.”

“Your concerns have been noted, Duncan. And I don’t mean to pull rank on you here, but I am the Princess. You can’t really stop me.”

“You’re not supposed to be talking to him at all, you know,” Duncan said, and he fell in step behind me. “The Queen talked to the guards after your last visit.”

“If you don’t approve, you don’t have to come with,” I pointed out.