Аманда Хокинг - Ascend

“You want me to grant you amnesty,” I said. “I need to know why.”

“Why?” Loki laughed darkly. “Why do you think, Princess?”

“I don’t know!”

“Because of you.” He looked back at me, a strange, crooked smile on his face. “I didn’t bring you back.”

“But…” I furrowed my brow. “You asked to go back to the Vittra. We bartered with the King so he could have you.”

“Yes, well, he still thought you would come around.” He ran a hand through his hair and sat up straighter. “And you didn’t. It was my fault for letting you go in the first place, and then for not bringing you back.” He bit his lip and shook his head. “He’s determined to get you, Princess.”

“So he tortured you?” I asked quietly, and I tried to keep the tremor from my voice. “Over me?”

“Princess,” Loki sighed and moved closer to me. Gently, almost cautiously, he put his arm around me. “What happened isn’t your fault.”

“Maybe. But maybe this wouldn’t have happened if I’d run away with you.”

“You still can.”

“No, I can’t.” I shook my head. “I have so much I need to do here. I can’t just leave it all behind. But you can stay here. I will grant you amnesty.”

“Mmm, I knew it.” He smiled. “You’d miss me too much if I left.”

“Hardly,” I laughed.

“Hardly?” Loki smirked.

He’d lowered his arm around me, so his hand was on my waist.

Loki was right next to me, his muscles pressed against me. I knew that I should move away, that I had no justifiable reason to be this close to him, but I didn’t move.

“Would you?” Loki asked, his voice low.

“Would I what?”

“Would you run away with me, if you didn’t have all the responsibilities and the palace and all that?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“I think you would.”

“Of course you do.” I looked away from him, but I didn’t move away. “Where did you get the pajamas, by the way? You didn’t bring anything with you when you came.”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

“Why not?” I looked sharply at him.

“Because. I’ll tell you, and it will ruin this whole mood,” Loki said. “Can’t we just sit here and look longingly into each other’s eyes until you let me kiss you?”

“No,” I said, and finally started to pull away from him. “Not if you don’t tell me-”

“Tove,” Loki said quickly, trying to hang onto me. He was much stronger than me, but he let me push him off.

“Of course.” I stood up. “That’s exactly the kind of thing my fiancé would do. He’s always thinking of other people.”

“It’s just pajamas!’ Loki insisted, like that would mean something. “Sure, he’s a terrifically nice guy, but that doesn’t matter.”

“How does that not matter?” I asked

“Because you don’t love him.”

“I care about him,” I said, and he shrugged. “And it’s not like I love you.”

“Maybe not,” he allowed. “But you will.”

“You think so?” I asked.

“Mark my words, Princess,” Loki said. “One day, you’ll be madly in love with me.”

“Okay,” I laughed, because I didn’t know how else to respond.

“But I should go. If I’ve given you amnesty, that means I have to go about enacting it, and getting everyone to agree that it’s not a suicidal decision.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I said and opened the door to go.

“It was worth it,” Loki said suddenly.

“What was?” I turned back to him.

“Everything I went through,” he said. “For you. It was worth it.”

My relaxing birthday turned into a meeting frenzy because I’d granted Loki amnesty. Most people thought I was insane, and Loki had to be brought in for questioning. They had a big meeting where Thomas asked him lots of questions, and Loki answered them the same way he did for me.

But truthfully, he didn’t have to explain much after he lifted his shirt and showed them his scars. After that, they let him go lie down.

I did have a nice, quiet dinner with Willa and Matt, and that was something. My aunt Maggie called, and I talked to her for a while.

She wanted to come see me, but I’d been stalling the best I could. I hadn’t explained to her what I am yet, but she knows I’m safe with Matt.

I’d wanted her to come out for Christmas, and I planned on telling her about everything then. But then the Vittra started going after the changelings, and I thought they might go after her to get to me, so I postponed seeing her again.

She’s been traveling a lot, which is good, but she doesn’t understand what I’m doing at all. I can’t wait until this all calms down so I can finally have her in my life again. I miss her so much.

After dinner, I went back to my room and watched bad eighties movies with Duncan. He had to stay with me sixteen hours a day, then the night watchman took over. I’d wanted to study, since Tove was teaching me Tryllic, but Duncan wouldn’t let me. He insisted I needed to shut off my mind and relax.

Duncan fell asleep in my room, which wasn’t unusual. Nobody said anything, since he was my guard, and it was better that he was with me. He probably wouldn’t be able to after Saturday, which made me a little sad. I slept sprawled out in my bed, and Duncan was curled up on the couch, a thin blanket draped over him.

“It’s Thursday,” I said when I woke up. I was still in bed, staring at the ceiling.

“It certainly is,” Duncan yawned and stretched.

“I only have two days until I get married.”

“I know.” He got up and opened the shades, letting a wall of light into my room. “What are you doing today?”

“I need to stay busy.” I sat up and squinted in the brightness.

“And I don’t care what anybody says about me needing to relax and take time off. I have to keep active. So I think I’ll train with Tove today.”

“At least you’re spending quality time with your fiancé,” Duncan shrugged.

Whenever I thought about the wedding I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Sometimes, if I thought about it too much, I actually threw up. I don’t think I’d ever been so afraid to do anything in my life.

I showered and ate a quick breakfast, then I went down to Tove’s room to see if he wanted to do any training. I’d mostly gotten the hang of all my abilities, but they weren’t something I wanted to lose, so I practiced often to keep them strong.

Tove had moved into the palace after the Vittra had kidnapped me to help keep things safe. He was actually much stronger than any of the guards here, and he may even be stronger than me. His room was down the hall from mine, and the door was open when I stopped by.

A few cardboard boxes were set around the room, some of them empty, but one had books overflowing from it. He had one sitting on the bed, and Tove put in a few pairs of jeans.

“Going somewhere?” I asked, leaning on the doorframe.

“No, just getting ready for the move.” He pointed down the hall toward Elora’s room - our new room. “For Saturday.”

“Oh,” I said. “Right.”

“Do you need help with anything?” Duncan asked. He’d followed me down to Tove’s, since he followed me everywhere.

“Sure, if you want.” Tove shrugged.

Duncan went in and pulled out some of Tove’s clothes from the drawer. I stayed where I was, hating how awkward everything felt between us. When we were training or talking politics, everything was good with Tove and me. We were almost always on the same page, and we talked openly about anything having to do with the palace or work.

But when it came to our wedding and our actual relationship, neither of us could ever find the words.