Макс Фрай - The Stranger

“That’s natural. I have to consider the situation that has come about, and try to understand how I should behave. You see, Max, it’s not every day that a person is given the chance to relieve himself of such a heavy burden. And I can’t allow myself to make any mistakes, so I think I need to begin to act right away.”

“We,” I said. “I’m a third-rate fighter, Shurf, and not a very good sorcerer. Maybe I’m just good at the card table. Or when I spit poison—that I know how to do. But I’m very curious. Do you think I’d be satisfied with a short synopsis of this Battle of the Titans? No offense, Shurf, but your oratorical style is quite laconic. Besides, I’m lucky here in Kettari. So you can take me with you as your talisman.”

“Very well,” Lonli-Lokli said with an air of indifference. “Maybe your luck will be far more useful than my skill. Besides, I have to obey you.”

“Oh, I forgot!” I burst out laughing. “Instruction number one: act like you don’t notice anything.”

Lonli-Lokli looked at me in surprise. I took my next-to-last cigarette out of my pocket. Sir Maba Kalox could have been a bit more generous; I deserved a few packs of cigarettes, at least. I don’t have time to hang over that blasted pillow all the time. I’m out there creating Worlds, or playing cards. I laughed, and lit up.

“Max, don’t you think that’s too much?” Lonli-Lokli asked sternly.

“No,” I replied. “I’ll explain later if you want me to. For the time being, just do my bidding, since I’m the big boss. By the way, instruction number two: banish from you head all this nonsense about doing my bidding. I’d never advise anything very sensible anyway. Eat, Sir Shurf. Nothing’s worth a spoiled appetite.”

“That pearl of wisdom could have dropped from the lips of the ancients,” Lonli-Lokli said placidly.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye—could he have learned how to joke? No, I was hallucinating. My nerves had always been unreliable.

“Well, let’s go look for your friend,” I suggested when Shurf’s plate was finally emptied. “By the way, how will we do it? Can you pick up his trail?”

“Sometimes you say the oddest things, Max,” Lonli-Lokli said. “How, I wonder, can you pick up the trail of a dead man?”

“Me? I never intended to pick up his trail at all. It’s not my department. Do I look like Melamori?”

“You’re wrong there. You can do it; you just have to try. But it’s not the proper topic of discussion now.”

“What do you mean ‘not the proper topic of discussion’?” I said indignantly. “It wouldn’t ever have occurred to me that I could do anything like that. Will you teach me how to pick up a scent, Shurf?”

“Sir Juffin gave no orders. He’s not sure of the consequences, and I’m not the one to decide something like this. You can ask him yourself when we get back.”

I sighed again. It seemed that in this crazy world everyone was fully briefed about my hidden talents but me.

“Fine, Shurf. What a bunch of conspirators you all are. How are we going to sniff out this dead granddad of a Magician? Do we look for the smell of carrion, or—”

“Don’t be foolish,” Lonli-Lokli said coldly. “We’re going home.”

“Home?”

“Of course. I need my gloves.”

“Oh, right. See what an idiot I am? Then what?”

“Then it’s very simple. Simpler than simple,” Lonli-Lokli said. “But you probably don’t understand. Now I need the left glove, but not so I can do battle with him. It would never harm its owner; rather the contrary. But it will make finding him very easy.”

“Wait,” I said, growing alarmed. “How do you intend to fight him without—”

“We’ll see,” Lonli-Lokli said with a shrug. “I hope you don’t believe that I can’t do anything without gloves?”

“Of course I don’t think that, but . . . Well, it would be better if they were on our side, your ‘mitts with a mind of their own,’ that’s for sure.”

“Of course it would be better,” said Shurf. “Let’s go, Max. I’ll need some time to get ready, and I’d very much like to meet up with Kiba before the moon rises.”

“Does the moon empower creatures like him?” I asked fearfully, lifting my behind from the seat of the chair in alarm.

“No. It’s just that when Kiba Attsax and his assistant came after me in my sleep, the moon was out. I didn’t like the spectacle one bit.”

“I see,” I nodded. “I do see, and that’s a fact.”

“I’m sure you do. Who could understand things like that, if not you?”

When we got home, Lonli-Lokli headed straight for the bedroom. When he was on the stairs, he turned around unexpectedly.

“Don’t come upstairs while I’m there, Max. There are things that can’t be done in the company of others—you know that yourself.”

“I understand. I also have to get ready for your colossal battle, by the way. I’m going to be very nervous tonight, you know, and that means I’ll be smoking a lot of cigarettes. And I’m completely out. So I’m going to do some sorcery. Maybe something you like will come my way, too.” I made the last remark to an already closed door.

“Oh, boy,” I said aloud, seating myself more comfortably next to my favorite pillow, which, through Maba Kalox’s kind attentions, had long since ceased to be only a pillow, and had become a plug in the Chink between Worlds. I had already thrust my hand underneath it, ready to wait patiently for my catch. My hand grew numb almost immediately, and I withdrew it in confusion. I had acquired a whole box of chocolates. Sweet, I punned. What was happening to me? I thrust my hand under the pillow again and was surprised at how swiftly it sank into the unknown. A half hour later I was the proud owner of several bags of cookies, a collection of keys, four silver spoons, and a box of expensive Cuban cigars, which I had never learned to smoke since I had never been able to afford them. I stared at the treasures in bewilderment. What the devil was going on? Until now I had only succeeded in getting hold of cigarettes—and I was perfectly content with things that way. Somewhat at a loss, I sent a call to Maba Kalox.

Sir Kalox, can you enlighten me about what’s happening? You taught me to catch cigarettes, not all this junk!

I have nothing to do with it, Max! You learn magic completely on your own. You’re just diversifying. What’s the problem?

That’s great , I said plaintively. But I still can’t get used to the local tobacco.

It’s a matter of taste. Personally, I like it. Well, I’ll let you in on a secret. Don’t get too attached to the pillow. Try it with other objects. The main thing is not to see what your hand is doing—that will only throw things off. You happen to have some free time, I know. So just practice. And don’t waste time with trifles anymore. And Sir Kalox disappeared from my mind.

After a time, it occurred to me that I had easily gotten through to Sir Maba, who was in Echo, I presumed. Maybe that meant I could finally contact Juffin?

After the first try, I realized it was futile. Dead silence, as before. I tried once more, just so no one could say I hadn’t. Nothing.

Could this mean that Sir Maba was also lurking around Kettari? It’s becoming a very fashionable watering hole, I told my reflection aloud. Then I got down to work again, which I won’t deny was quite entertaining . . . It turned out that I could get a pizza right from under my favorite divan. After the third pizza, I realized this was the limit of the divan’s capabilities. I stuck my hand under the rocker. A bottle of grappa, then a can of Belgian beer. All right, got that figured out. That’s where they keep the drinks. But it was high time for a cigarette. I had only one left. Well, live and learn! I stuffed my hand in the pocket of my looxi almost mechanically—and to my astonishment, it grew numb almost immediately. I quickly drew my hand from my pocket. I couldn’t believe my eyes! There was a golden-yellow pack. A full pack of my favorite cigarettes, a hole in the heavens above your head! Unopened! But of course, where should you find cigarettes but in your own pocket? I stuck my hand in the same pocket again, and out came the crumpled, empty pack I had counted on finding from the very first. My head felt giddy from my own power, so I had to smoke and calm down a little. And try to get a grip on myself. These miracles were all well and good, but I still had to take charge of the situation somehow.