Robert Jordan - The Fires of Heaven

"If you are going to wear the dress, why cover up?" Birgitte came inside and closed the door behind her. "You are a woman. Why not be proud of it?"

"If you think I shouldn't," Nynaeve replied hesitantly, and slowly let the shawl slide down to her elbows, revealing the twin of the other woman's garment. She felt all but naked. "I only thought… I thought…" Gripping her silk skirts hard to keep her hands at her sides, she held her gaze on the other woman. Even knowing she wore exactly the same herself, it was easier that way.

Birgitte grimaced. "And if I wanted you to lower the neck another inch?"

Nynaeve opened her mouth, face going as scarlet as the gown, but for a moment nothing came out. When it did, she sounded as if she were being strangled. "There isn't an inch to lower it. Look at your own. There isn't a tenth!"

Three quick, frowning strides, and Birgitte bent slightly to put her face right in Nynaeve's. "And if I said I wanted you to rid yourself of that inch?" she snarled, showing teeth. "What if I wanted to paint your face, so Luca could have his fool? What if I stripped you out of it altogether and painted you from head to toe? A fine target you would make then. Every man inside fifty miles would come to see."

Nynaeve's mouth worked, but this time no sound emerged at all. She wanted very much to close her eyes; maybe when she opened them, none of this would be happening.

With a disgusted shake of her head, Birgitte took a seat on one of the beds, one elbow on her knee and her blue eyes sharp. "This must stop. When I look at you, you flinch. You run about waiting on me hand and foot. If I glance for a stool, you fetch one. If I lick my lips, you have a cup of wine in my hands before I know I am thirsty. You would wash my back and put the slippers on my feet if I let you. I am neither monster nor invalid nor child, Nynaeve."

"I am only trying to make up for —" she began timidly, and jumped when the other woman roared.

"Make up? You are trying to make me less!"

"No. No, it is not that, truly. I am to blame — "

"You take responsibility for my actions," Birgitte broke in fiercely. "I chose to speak to you in Tel'aran'rhiod. I chose to help you. I chose to track Moghedien. And I chose to take you to see her. Me! Not you, Nynaeve, me! I was not your puppet, your pack hound, then, and I will not be now."

Nynaeve swallowed hard and gripped her skirts more tightly. She had no right to be angry with this woman. No right at all. But Birgitte had every right. "You did what I asked. It is my fault that you… that you are here. It is all my fault!"

"Have I mentioned fault? I see none. Only men and dim-witted girls take blame where there is none, and you are neither."

"It was my foolish pride that made me think I could best her again, and my cowardice that let her… that let her… If I had not been so afraid I could not spit, I might have done something in time."

"A coward?" Birgitte's eyes widened, openly incredulous, and scorn touched her voice. "You? I thought you had more sense than to confuse fear with cowardice. You could have fled Tel'aran'rhiod when Moghedien released you, but you stayed to fight. No fault or blame to you that you could not." Drawing a deep breath, she rubbed her forehead for a moment, then leaned forward intently again. "Listen to me close, Nynaeve. I take no blame for what was done to you. I saw, but I could not twitch. Had Moghedien tied you into a knot or cored you like an apple, still I would take no blame. I did what I could, when I could. And you did the same."

"It was not the same." Nynaeve tried to take the heat out of her voice. "It was my fault that you were there. My fault that you are here. If you…" She stopped to swallow again. "If you… miss… when you shoot at me today, I want you to know that I will understand."

"I do not miss where I aim," Birgitte said dryly, "and where I aim will not be at you." She began taking things from one of the cabinets and laying them on the small table. Half-finished arrows, scraped shafts, steel arrow points, stone glue pot, fine cord, gray goose feathers for fletchings. She had said she would make her own bow, too, as soon as she could. Luca's she called "a knot-riddled branch broken from a cross-grained tree by a blind idiot in the middle of the night."

"I liked you, Nynaeve," she said as she laid everything out. "Thorns, warts and all. I no longer do, as you are now…"

"You have no reason to like me, now," Nynaeve said miserably, but the other woman spoke right over her without looking up.

"…and I will not allow you to make me less, to make my decisions less, by claiming responsibility for them. I have had few women friends, but most have had tempers like snowghosts."

"I wish you could be my friend once more." What under the Light was a snowghost? Something from another Age, no doubt. "I would never try to make you less, Birgitte. I only —"

Birgitte paid her no mind, except to raise her voice. Her attention seemed all on her arrow shafts. "I would like to like you again, whether you return the liking or not, but I cannot until you are yourself again. I could live with you a milk-tongued sniveling wretch if that was what you were. I take people as they are, not as I would like them to be, or else I leave them. But that is not what you are, and I will not accept your reasons for playing at it. So. Clarine told me of your encounter with Cerandin. Now I know what to do the next time you claim my decisions as your own." She swished a length of ashwood vigorously. "I am sure Latelle will be happy to provide the switch."

Nynaeve forced her jaws to unclench, forced her tone as smooth as she could make it. "You have a perfect right to do whatever you wish to me." Her fists in her skirts quivered more than her voice.

"A touch of temper showing? Just at the edges?" Birgitte grinned at her, at once amused and startlingly feral. "How long before it bursts into flame? I am willing to wear out any number of switches, if need be." The grin faded into seriousness. "I will make you see the right of this, or I will drive you away. There is no other course. I cannot — will not — leave Elayne. That bond honors me, and I will honor it, and her. And I will not allow you to think that you make my decisions, or made them. I am myself, not an appendage to you. Now go away. I must finish these arrows if I am to have even a few shafts that will fly true. I do not mean to kill you, and I would not have it happen by accident." Unstopping the glue pot, she bent over the table. "Do not forget to curtsy like a good girl on your way out."

Nynaeve made it as far as the foot of the steps before pounding her fist on her thigh in a fury. How dare the woman? Did she think that she could just…? Did she think that Nynaeve would put up with…? I thought she could do anything she wanted to you, a small voice whispered in her head. I said she could kill me, she snarled at it, not humiliate me! Before much longer everybody would be threatening her with that bloody Seanchan woman!

The wagons stood abandoned, except for a few rough-coated horse handlers for guards, near the tall sprawling canvas fence erected to contain Luca's show. From this large brown-grass meadow half a mile from Samara the gray stone walls of the city were clearly visible, with squat towers at the gates, and a few of the taller buildings showing roofs of thatch or tile. Outside the walls, villages of huts and rude shanties sprouted like mushrooms in every direction, full of the Prophet's followers, and they had stripped every tree for miles either for building or for firewood.

The show's entrance for patrons was on the other side, but two of the horse handlers with stout cudgels stood on this side to discourage any who did not want to pay from entering as the performers did. Nynaeve was almost upon them, striding as hard as she could and muttering angrily to herself, when their idiotic grins made her realize that the shawl was still looped over her elbows. Her stare wiped their faces blank. Only then did she cover herself properly, and slowly; she was not about to have these louts think they could make her yelp and leap. The skinny one, with a nose that took up half of his face, held the canvas flap aside, and she ducked through into pandemonium.