Alex Lee Martinez - In the Company of Ogres

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In the Company of Ogres: краткое содержание, описание и аннотация

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An uproarious new novel in the tradition of Robert Asprin and Terry Pratchett!
For someone who's immortal, Never Dead Ned manages to die with alarming frequency-he just has the annoying habit of rising from the grave. But this soldier might be better dead than face his latest assignment.
Ogre Company is the legion's dumping ground-a motley, undisciplined group of monsters whose leaders tend to die under somewhat questionable circumstances. That's where Ned's rather unique talents come in. As Ogre Company's newly appointed commander, Ned finds himself in charge of such fine examples of military prowess as a moonstruck Amazon, a very big (and very polite) two-headed ogre, a seductively scaly siren, a blind oracle who can hear (and smell) the future, a suicidal goblin daredevil pilot, a walking tree with a chip on its shoulder, and a suspiciously goblinesque orc.
Ned has only six months to whip the Ogre Company into shape or face an even more hideous assignment, but that's not the worst of his problems. Because now that Ned has found out why he keeps returning from dead, he has to do everything he can to stay alive. .
In the Company of Ogres does for fantasy, what A. Lee Martinez's previous novel, Gil's All Fright Diner, did for horror-and elves and goblins may never be the same!

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“Yes, yes.” Regina threw down a ladder. “Ned, we’ve come to rescue you.”

“Thanks.” Ned smiled as he crawled his way toward the roc. A rescue at this point was a trifle late, but it was still the thought that counted.

Ace struggled to keep his mount steady. Not easy with the slippery floor and the roc’s natural inclination to pace around. But it would be extremely bad form to have the giant bird fall on Ned in the middle of the rescue.

“What the hell happened here?” asked Ace.

Ned grabbed the ladder and began the ascent. “Nothing much. I just exploded a demon emperor.”

“You?” asked Regina as she helped him to his seat between Miriam and her.

“Sort of.” He smiled sheepishly.

The pile of muck that was Rucka had managed by now to pull itself together enough to form a misshapen head, a lump with eyes and a crooked mouth. “This isn’t done, Ned!” bellowed Rucka. “I will destroy you! I will have your power! I will—”

The roc, slipping and sliding its way toward the window, squished Rucka and his threats underfoot. Twice the bird lost its footing, but Ace’s superior skills kept it from rolling over and crushing its riders.

Ned picked out ogres, goblins, and demons swarming on the Iron Fortress. The glow of the fortress itself bathed the battle in a green and red luminescence. It wasn’t so much a grand battle as a warm-up clash. Right now, Ogre Company was winning by virtue of first strike, but each passing moment more and more demons were appearing.

“Sir?” asked Miriam.

“What?” replied Ned.

“Your orders?”

Again he’d forgotten he was supposed to be in charge.

Now that he remembered, he still didn’t have the experience to be good at it.

“What would you do?” he asked Regina.

“I’d order a retreat back to the citadel, sir. Might give us the advantage.”

“Right, right. Do that then, Archmajor.”

Regina nodded to the goblin bugler clinging to the roc’s tail. “Sound the retreat.”

The bugler blew the call. Ogre Company remounted its birds with surprising discipline. There were a few stragglers eager to get in a few more licks, but the company was soon in the air, sailing back toward Copper Citadel.

The slime-coated goblins battling the demon soldiers skated effortlessly across the slippery throne room to climb back onto the roc, which Ace spurred out the window. The bird plummeted downward until Ace yanked its reins hard enough to remind it to start flying. Screeching with great irritation, as if it’d much rather hit the brick below, the roc flapped its majestic wings and soared off. The slime covering Ned sloughed off to stay behind in the fortress.

The bugler continued to sound the retreat as the rest of the reptilian birds launched themselves. By now, the demons had managed to get their brimstone cannons out. They fired a few volleys of sulfurous flame that went wide except for one that struck a roc’s side. The bird wobbled but wasn’t greatly bothered.

The Iron Fortress shrank slowly in the horizon. It stomped its great feet in an earthshaking temper tantrum.

“You came for me,” said Ned.

“You are our commander, sir,” said Regina.

“And we were worried possibly about the fate of the universe,” added Miriam.

“Oh, yeah,” agreed Ned. “I suppose that’s important.”

Ned glanced back at the fortress again. A few parting shots of stinking fire soared through the air, but were well short of the flight. There weren’t any demons in pursuit. Probably in disarray without their emperor, Ned decided.

But once Rucka reformed, there was sure to be an army of the damned coming.

Ned weighed his options. He could order Ace to keep flying and hope to outdistance any pursuers. There was no shame in running away. But he doubted that would work. He might be able to put them off for a while, but hiding would be a lot harder now. The demons knew who he was. So did he. So did a few hundred soldiers. True, they didn’t know exactly what he was, but close enough that obscurity would be difficult to find in the long run.

At least in the citadel he was surrounded by several hundred soldiers. They might not be the best of the best, the greatest collection of warriors, but they were a damn sight better than striking off on his own. He didn’t know how many demons might be coming, but a few hundred ogres at his side meant he’d have some chance. Circumstances left him no other choice.

Ned shuddered. He didn’t have much confidence in Ogre Company. And even less in their commander.

A goblin tugged at Ned’s leg. “Did you really blow up a demon, sir?”

Ned didn’t feel like offering clarifications of things he didn’t truly understand himself.

“Yes. Yes, I did.”

Thirty

The Citadel came into view far too soon for Ned’s liking. He would’ve preferred more distance from the Iron Fortress. He couldn’t help but count every inch of every mile between him and an army of demons. It didn’t make much difference, but it would’ve made him feel better just the same. The bulk of rocs put down in the pens on the other side of the citadel, but Ace put Ned’s flight down in the courtyard. The courtyard was bustling, but Ace managed — impressively — to not squash anything in the landing.

The riders disembarked, and Ace spurred the roc back to the pen. Frank limped forward to greet Ned and company. The Ogre held a tree trunk across his shoulder. He saluted, the gesture without a trace of sarcasm.

“Any trouble, sir?”

“Nothing we couldn’t handle.”

“Good to have you back, sir.”

“Good to be back, Lieutenant. And it’s Ned. Just Ned.”

Frank smiled. “If you insist, Ned.”

“I do. I think we both know I’m not the right man to be in charge.”

Regina cleared her throat behind Ned, who shrugged.

“Right person ,” he hastily corrected.

“Can’t disagree with you there, Ned,” said Frank, “but you are in charge. To be honest, I’ve seen worse commanders.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Look at it this way, Ned. Most horrible commanders don’t know how horrible they are. You’ve got that on them.”

Frank put his hands on Ned’s shoulders. The gesture was meant to be comforting, but it reminded him how easily Frank could flatten the delicate human skull with a casual squeeze.

“This is all very nice,” said Regina, “but we can probably expect a demon horde any moment now.”

Frank waved his tree trunk at the soldiers running around. “We’re almost prepared. As much as we can be. The citadel isn’t designed to resist a full-scale assault. The gate’s good and strong, but it won’t amount to much defense with these crumbling outer walls. That one gap is large enough for a phalanx to march through.”

“Won’t really matter. Most, if not all, the demons can fly. A breach is to be expected.”

“Good.” Frank, like most ogres, preferred his warfare direct and to the point. A protracted siege would be far too dull.

“How are we doing for armaments?” asked Regina.

“Not nearly well enough,” replied Frank. “We don’t have a full complement. Just enough for training purposes.”

“We’ll make do,” said Regina, “but the darkness will put us at a disadvantage.”

“Ulga said she might be able to do something about that.”

While Regina and Frank shared strategies, Ned stood to one side. They had things well in hand, and he didn’t have anything constructive to offer, neither the experience nor the skills to be of great use on the battlefield. It was better, just plain smarter, to leave this war to others. If the mark of a good leader was the ability to delegate authority, then Ned wasn’t just good. He was great.

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