Eoin Colfer: Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex

“The Ice Cube is not pretty, I grant you,” said Artemis, priming the equipment with an infrared signal shot from the sensor on his phone. “But I thought better to get production moving along than spend another month tidying the chassis.” They formed a ragged ring around the device, and Artemis could not help thinking that had a satellite been observing the group, they would have looked like children playing a game.

Vinyáya’s face was pale and her teeth chattered, though the temperature was barely below freezing. Chilly in human terms, a lot more uncomfortable for a fairy.

“Come on, human. Switch this Ice Cube thing on. Let’s get the dwarf on the mudslide.”

A fairy expression that Artemis was not familiar with, but he could guess what it meant. He glanced at his phone.

“Surely, Commander. I will certainly launch the first pouch of nano-wafers just as soon as whatever unidentified craft is passing through the airspace moves on.”

Holly consulted her visor readout communicator. “Nothing in the airspace, Mud Boy. Nothing but a shielded shuttle full of hurt for you, if you’re trying to pull some kind of trick.”

Artemis could not stifle a groan. “No need for the rhetoric. I assure you, Captain, there is a ship descending through the atmosphere. My sensors are picking it up quite clearly.”

Holly thrust her jaw forward. “Well, my sensors aren’t picking up a thing.”

“Funny, because my sensors are your sensors,” countered Artemis.

Foaly clopped a hoof, chipping the ice. “I knew it. Is nothing sacred?”

Artemis squared his shoulders. “Let’s stop pretending that we don’t spend half our time spying on each other. I read your files and you read the files I allow you to steal. There is a craft that seems to be heading straight for us, and maybe your sensors would spot it if you used some of the same filters I do.”

Holly thought of something. “Remember Opal Koboi’s ship? The one completely built from stealth ore? Our pet geeks couldn’t detect that, but Artemis did.”

Artemis arched his eyebrows as if to say Even the police officer gets it. “ I simply looked for what should be there but wasn’t. Ambient gases, trace pollution, and such. Wherever I found an apparent vacuum I also found Opal. I have since applied the same technique to my general scans. I am surprised you haven’t learned that little trick, Consultant Foaly.”

“It will take about two seconds to sync with our shuttle and run an ambience test.”

Vinyáya scowled, and her annoyance seemed to ripple the air like a heatwave.

“Run it then, centaur.”

Foaly activated the sensors in his gloves and screwed a yellow monocle over one eye. Thus wired, he performed a complicated series of blinks, winks, and gestures as he interfaced with a V-system invisible to all but him. To the casual observer it would seem as though the centaur had inhaled pepper while conducting an imaginary orchestra. It was not attractive, which was why most people tended to stick with hardwired hardware.

Twenty seconds more than two seconds later, Foaly’s exertions ceased suddenly and he rested palms on knees.

“Okay,” he panted. “Firstly, I am nobody’s pet geek. And secondly, there may be a large unidentified space vehicle headed our way at high speed.”

Holly instantly drew her weapon, as though she could gun down a spaceship that was already falling on them.

Artemis rushed toward his Ice Cube, arms outstretched maternally, then literally stopped in his tracks as suspicion filled his heart with heat.

“This is your ship, Foaly. Admit it.”

“It’s not my ship,” protested Foaly. “I don’t even have a ship. I come to work on a quadricycle.”

Artemis fought the paranoia until his hands shook, but there seemed to be no other explanation for the arrival of a strange ship at this precise time.

“You’re trying to steal my invention. This is just like the time in London when you interfered in the C–Cube deal.”

Holly kept her eyes on the skies, but spoke to her human friend.

“I saved Butler in London.”

Artemis’s whole frame was shaking now. “Did you? Or did you turn him against me?” The words he spoke disgusted him, but they seemed to push through his lips like scarab beetles from the mouth of a mummy. “That’s when you made your alliance against me, wasn’t it? How much did you offer him?”

For a long foggy breath, Holly was speechless; then, “Offer him? Butler would never betray you. Never! How can you think that, Artemis?”

Artemis glared at his fingers as if he half hoped they would reach up and strangle him. “I know you’re behind this, Holly Short. You have never forgiven me for the kidnapping.”

“You need help, Artemis,” said Holly, tired of talking around the problem. “I think you may have a condition. It might be something called the Atlantis Complex.”

Artemis stumbled backward, knocking against Foaly’s hindquarters. “I know,” he said slowly, watching his breath take form before him. “Lately, nothing is clear. I see things, suspect everyone. Five. Five is everywhere.”

“As if we would ever do anything to hurt you, Artemis,” said Foaly, patting the hair Artemis had ruffled.

“I don’t know. Would you? Why wouldn’t you? I have the most important job on Earth, more important than yours.”

Holly was calling in the cavalry.

“There’s a UC in the atmo,” she called into her communicator, using that soldier shorthand that seemed more confusing than plain speaking. “Descend to my seven for evac. Stat.”

A fairy shuttle fizzled into visibility twenty feet overhead. It appeared plate by plate from nose to stern, the soldiers inside visible for a brief moment before the hull solidified. The sight seemed to confuse Artemis even further.

“Is that how you’re going to take me? Scare me into voluntarily coming aboard, then steal my Ice Cube?”

“It’s always cubes with you,” noted Foaly somewhat randomly. “What’s wrong with a nice sphere?”

“And you, centaur!” said Artemis, pointing an accusing finger. “Always in my system. Are you in my head too?”

Vinyáya had forgotten the cold. She shrugged off her heavy coat to gain some ease of movement.

“Captain Short. The crazed human is your contact- put him on a leash until we get out of here.”

It was an unfortunate phrase to use.

“Put me on a leash? Is that what you’ve been doing all this time, Captain Short?”

Artemis was shivering now, as though a current had passed through his limbs.

“Artemis,” said Holly urgently. “Wouldn’t you like to sleep for a while? Just lay your head down somewhere warm and sleep?”

The notion took hold in some corner of Artemis’s brain. “Yes. Sleep. Can you do that, Holly?”

Holly took a slow step forward. “Of course I can. Just a little mesmer is all it takes. You’ll wake up a new man.”

Artemis’s eyes seemed to jellify. “A new man. But what about THE PROJECT ?”

Easy now, thought Holly. Move in gently . “ We can take care of it when you wake up.” She slipped the thinnest wafer of magic into her upper registers; to Artemis it would sound like the tinkling of crystal bells on every consonant.

“Sleep,” said Artemis softly, in case volume broke the word. “‘To sleep, perchance to dream.’”

“Quoting theater now?” said Foaly. “Do we really have the time?”

Holly hushed him with a glare, then took another step toward Artemis.

“Just a few hours. We can take you away from here, from whatever’s coming.”

“Away from here,” echoed the troubled boy.

“Then we can talk about the project.”