Eoin Colfer: Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex

Which was the best thing he could have possibly said.

Artemis drew himself up. “I think, Foaly, that perhaps you do not read human expressions well. Perhaps our faces are too short. I am not beaten by any manner or means. I am considering my every word.”

“Maybe you should consider a little faster,” advised Holly gently. “We are quite exposed here.”

Artemis closed his eyes, collecting himself.

Vinyáya drummed the table with her fingers. “No more delays, human. I am beginning to suspect that you have involved us in one of your notorious plans.”

“No. This is a genuine proposal. Please, hear me out.”

“I’m trying to. I want to. I came a long way for that exact purpose, but all you do is show off with your suitcase.”

Artemis raised his hands to shoulder level, the movement activating his V-gloves, and tapped the glacier.

“What we need to do is cover a significant area of the world’s glaciers with a reflective coating to slow down the melt. The coating would have to be thicker around the edges, where the ice is thawing more rapidly. Also it would be nice if we could plug the larger sinkholes.”

“A lot of things would be nice in a perfect world,” said Foaly, once again making smithereens of his promise to keep quiet. “Don’t you think your people would get a tad upset if little creatures popped out of the ground in spaceships and started carpeting Santa’s grotto with reflective foil?”

“They. . we. . would. And that is why this operation has to be carried out in secret.”

“Secretly coat the world’s glaciers? You should have said.”

“I just did say, and I thought we agreed that you would hold your peace. This constant haranguing is tiresome.”

Holly winked at Foaly, twirling a pencil between her fingers.

“The problem with coating the icebergs has always been how to deploy the reflective blanket,” continued Artemis. “It would seem that the only way to do it would be to roll the stuff out like carpet, either manually or from the rear of some kind of customized snow crawlers.”

“Which is hardly a stealth operation,” said Foaly.

“Exactly. But what if there were another way to lay down a reflective covering, a seemingly natural way.”

“Work with nature?”

“Yes, Foaly. Nature is our model; it should always be.”

The room seemed to be heating up as Artemis drew closer to his big reveal.

“Human scientists have been struggling to make their reflective foil thin enough to work with, yet strong enough to withstand the elements.”

“Stupid.”

“Misguided, centaur. Not stupid, surely. Your own files-”

“I considered the foil idea briefly. And how did you see my files?”

This was not a real question. Foaly had long since resigned himself to the fact that Artemis Fowl was at least as talented a hacker as he himself was.

“The basic idea is sound. Fabricate a reflective polymer.”

Foaly chewed his knuckles. “Nature. Use nature.”

“What is the most natural thing up here?” said Artemis, giving a little hint.

“Ice,” said Holly. “Ice and. .”

“Snow,” whispered the centaur almost reverentially. “Of course. D’Arvit, why didn’t I. . Snow, isn’t it?”

Artemis raised his V-gloved hands, and holographic snow rained upon them.

“Snow,” he said, the blizzard swirling around him. “No one would be surprised by snow.”

Foaly was on his feet. “Magnify,” he ordered. “Magnify and enhance.”

Artemis tapped a holographic flake, freezing it in midair. With a couple of pinches he enlarged the ersatz flake until its irregularity became clear. It was irregularly regular, a perfect circle.

“A nano-wafer,” said Foaly, forgetting for once to hide how impressed he was. “An honest-to-gods nano-wafer. Smart?”

“Extremely,” confirmed Artemis. “Smart enough to know which way is up when it hits the surface and configure itself to insulate the ice and reflect the sun.”

“So we impregnate the cloud province?”

“Exactly, to its capacity.”

Foaly clopped into the holographic weather. “Then when it ruptures, we have coverage.”

“Incremental, true, but effective nonetheless.”

“Mud Boy, I salute you.”

Artemis smiled, his old self for a moment. “Well, it’s about time.”

Vinyáya interrupted the science lovefest. “Let me see if I’ve got this straight: you shoot these wafers into the clouds and then they come down with the snow?”

“Precisely. We could shoot them directly on to the surface in dire cases, but I think for security it would be best to have the seeders hovering and shielded above the cloud cover.”

“And you can do this?”

“We can do it. The Council would have to approve an entire fleet of modified shuttles, not to mention a monitoring station.”

Holly thought of something. “These wafers don’t look much like snowflakes. Sooner or later some human with a microscope is going to notice the difference.”

“Good point, Holly. Perhaps I shouldn’t lump you in with the rest of the LEP as regards intellect.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“When the wafers are discovered, as they inevitably will be, I will launch an Internet campaign that explains them away as a by-product from a chemical plant in Russia. I will also point out that for once our waste is actually helping the environment and volunteer to fund a program that will extend their coverage.”

“Is there a pollution factor?” asked Vinyáya.

“Hardly. The wafers are entirely biodegradable.”

Foaly was excited. He clip-clopped through the hologram, squinting at the enlarged wafer.

“It sounds good. But is it really? You hardly expect the People to stump up the massive and ongoing budget for such a project without proof, Artemis. For all we know, it’s one of your scams.”

Artemis opened a file on the screen. “Here are my financial records. I know they are accurate, Foaly, because I found them on your server.”

Foaly did not even bother blushing. “They look about right.”

“I am prepared to invest everything I have in this project. That should keep five shuttles in the air for a couple of years. There will be profit on the back end, naturally, when the wafers go into production. I should recoup my investment then, perhaps even turn a respectable profit.”

Foaly almost gagged. Artemis Fowl putting his own money into a project. Incredible.

“Of course, I hardly expect the People to take anything I say on face value. After all, I have been”-Artemis cleared his throat-“somewhat less than forthcoming with information in the past.”

Vinyáya laughed humorlessly. “Less than forthcoming? I think you’re being a little gentle on yourself, for a kidnapper and extortionist, Artemis. Less than forthcoming?

Please. I find myself buying your pitch, but not everybody on the Council is as charitable toward you.”

“I accept your criticism and your skepticism, which is why I have organized a demonstration.”

“Excellent,” said Foaly eagerly. “Of course there’s a demonstration. Why else would you have brought us here?”

“Why else indeed.”

“More extortion and kidnapping?” suggested Vinyáya archly.

“That was a long time ago,” blurted Holly, in a tone she would not usually take with a superior officer. “I mean. . that was a long time ago. . Commander. Artemis has been a good friend to the People.”

Holly Short thought specifically of a close call during the goblin rebellion when Artemis Fowl’s actions had saved her life and many more besides. Vinyáya apparently remembered the goblin rebellion too. “Okay. Benefit-of-the-doubt time, Fowl. You’ve got twenty minutes to convince us.”