Anne Ursu - The Shadow Thieves

Just then the faceless butler appeared in the doorway. "Excuse me, my Lord…" Charlotte thought he looked a little nervous. She didn't blame him, she thought, checking on the army of shadows.

Hades turned. "Yes?"

"A Philonecron to see you, my Lord. He says it's quite urgent."

"Impossible!"

The butler paused, then bowed. "Nonetheless…"

"Oh, show him in!"

At least, Charlotte thought, hugging herself, with Philonecron in the Palace, the shadows probably wouldn't burn it down. That was nice.

Hades swept back into the throne room, Thanatos followed, and Charlotte crept in behind them. She did not exactly want to see Philonecron again-he was probably laboring under the impression that she was sleeping with the Styx fish-but she needed to find out about Zee. She hid herself behind one of the thrones.

The butler went to the door, bowed, and opened it an inch. "Philonecron, my Lord. Assistant Manager of Sani-"

But before he could finish his words, the door swung open, hitting the butler in the face. Hades muttered something to himself.

Through the door marched two Footmen, carrying something carefully on their shoulders. They moved forward, revealing two other Footmen behind them. The four were carrying a great litter, like the kind in which they carry princesses in fairy tales, but inside was no princess.

The Footmen gently set the litter down. With a flourish one of them pulled off the fabric that covered the litter to reveal Philonecron, sitting in a very high chair made of bone and smiling like he had never smiled before. His legs were crossed and his feet dangled in the air. From her perch behind the throne, Charlotte shuddered.

Hades strode forward. "How… how did you get in here? I banished you!"

Philonecron nodded his head and waved his hand in the air, as if to bow "My Liege." He cleared his throat. "If I recall correctly, on the occasion of my banishment you told me that I could not set foot in the Kingdom." He wiggled his feet. "You said nothing about being carried in. Really, though, this is most inconvenient." He sighed. "As soon as you have transferred power to me, all your spells will be broken, and I can walk again. I do look forward to that. I am a great walker. It's very good for the body. And the mind."

Hades slammed his scepter on the ground. "How dare you? I will never-"

"Oh, really?"

In a flash Hades aimed the scepter at Philonecron. A great blue fiery light rushed from it, heading straight for Philonecron's head. But Philonecron, just like that, stuck his hand up in the air. The fire hit his hand, bounced off, and went charging toward Hades' throne – the one Charlotte was hiding behind. She leaped out of the way, and the chair burst into flame and then disappeared into a pile of ash. Thanatos, who was lingering by the window, shrieked.

Hades looked to the scepter, then to Philonecron. "Part demon, are we?" he muttered. "I should have known."

But Philonecron was no longer looking at Hades. His eyes had followed Charlotte as she emerged from behind the throne, and he was staring at her with a brilliant hatred. His lips curled up in a sneer. "Oh, you," he said.

"Oh, hi!" she said. "Missing a Footman?"

"You! You little…" He almost stood up, but then one of the Footmen rushed toward him, and he jerked himself down in the chair. He put out his hands, as if he were trying to steady himself on an invisible rail. "You are trying to come between Zero and me. I will not let you."

"Where is he?" Charlotte stomped her foot. "Where's Zee?"

"Zero is home. He is resting; he's had a very trying day. Besides, there may be violence. I did not want him to see that."

"Is he okay?"

"I assure you, my dear, I would never harm your cousin. You, on the other hand…" He eyed her. "I should have personally dumped you in Tartarus. They've never had a living mortal to punish before. Well"-he tilted his head and smiled cruelly-"it does not matter. You escaped, you came all this way, but all your efforts were for naught. You came to warn Hades, and what happened? Did he offer to appoint a committee? Did he refer you to a Manager? Did he try to show you pictures of his wife?"

Charlotte gulped and looked at the ground.

"No, no, my saucy friend, you cannot stop me. Hades could have stopped me, but now it's too late." He looked around the room. "Where is the Ice Queen, anyway? I haven't seen her."

"Do not call her that," Hades breathed.

"What, the Ice Queen? It's just, she's not in her throne and she's not in the garden. I don't believe she's in the Palace at all. Do you know where she is? No? Hmm. Really, you should keep better track of your wife."

"Leave her out of this," Hades spit.

"I wonder if perhaps, when this is all done, she'd like to marry me. She makes such a lovely queen. Funny, you don't have any heirs, but I'm sure she'll give me some. After all, I never kidnapped her from the earth. She'll view me as her liberator…"

Hades let out a fierce growl and aimed his scepter again.

"My Lord!" Thanatos shrieked, running up to him. "No!"

Exhaling heavily, Hades put the scepter down. He glared at Philonecron. "Well, perhaps I should be more precise in my language this time. Philonecron, grandson of Poseidon, Assistant Manager of Sanitation, I ban-"

"Wait!" Philonecron threw up his hand. Thanatos cringed. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. You're being watched, you know And if I am banished, those shadows out there-have you seen them? Yes? Impressive, aren't they? -will tear this Palace down bit by bit."

Hades was visibly shaking with rage. Philonecron still smiled placidly. Hades closed his eyes, put a hand on his mouth, and squished his face in thought. Suddenly his eyes popped open, and he leaned over to Thanatos and whispered, "Can I banish the shadows?"

"My Lord." Thanatos bowed his head. "Um… I don't believe the shadows are citizens of the Kingdom."

Thanatos's voice was unusually high. "You have no control over them."

With that, Hades let out a yeeeaarrgh! that shook the whole room. Philonecron continued to smile. Charlotte slunk back toward the walls.

"Now" Philonecron clapped his hands together. "My Lord, in the spirit of reconciliation, generosity, and general bonhomie, I am giving you a choice. As you have seen" – he gestured broadly-"I have an army surrounding your Palace. You have no army. You have no defenses. You have nothing. Even a god cannot fend the shadows off forever; there are simply too many. At a signal from me they will start beating, burning, boring, busting, and generally wreaking havoc. They will continue until they get to you, my Lord, and when they find you, they will do the same to you until you surrender.

"After your surrender we will take you to Tartarus. You remember Tartarus, don't you? I'm sure all the people you've been punishing relentlessly for millennia will be very happy to see you. Not to mention all the Dead you've been mistreating, whom I'm going to throw in to keep you company.

"Or," he continued, spreading his arms out magnanimously, "you can just turn your crown and scepter and Kingdom over to me. I'll banish you-and I assure you, I am always very precise in my language-and we can save the Palace. Really," he said, looking around the room, "it has a lot of potential. Awfully plain on the outside, though. Mine will have a bit more… panache. Some cast-gold bas-relief ornamentation portraying the story of my great conquest over the indolent, uxorious tyrant-"

"Get out!" Hades spit.

"You get out," Philonecron declared.

"No, you get out!"

"No…"

Charlotte sighed heavily. This was going nowhere. Hades was going to do nothing, and the shadows were going to burn the place down. Charlotte would die and get thrown into Tartarus, the kids would all die and join her Mr. Metos would have his liver eaten for all eternity, and Zee would have to spend the rest of his life with Philonecron.