Flinching, I tried not to count the number of things he’d just learned: I claimed to feel emotions I couldn’t, I jumped and ran even when no one was chasing me….
“You like music.” He smiled warmly. “I have my SED here. It can play music. I’m happy to let you borrow it, if you ask.”
If I asked?
My confusion must have been evident, because he brushed a strand of hair from my eyes and said, “Say the words. Ask.”
My hands and heart ached. I wanted to run outside and hide, never have to worry about this again. When to ask. When not to ask. Whether Li would appear and punish me for thinking I was allowed any sort of happiness. There was just too much , and it felt like drowning, like burning. But running away wouldn’t help.
Sam had offered to take me to Heart, spent the last few days speaking his voice raw, and he would let me listen to music — if only I asked. Surely that wasn’t too much to give him, a few words.
I swallowed knots in my throat. “Sam, may I please listen to music?”
“Of course. I’ll find it for you.” Tension ran from his shoulders, like he’d actually been worried I wouldn’t ask. Like he cared.
Maybe he did.
Music pressed into my ears, filling me completely. A piano, a flute, and low strings I couldn’t identify.
I’d never heard the song before, and I wanted to explain to Sam how much I appreciated it — how much of a gift this was — but I couldn’t find the words. Instead, when he sat on the chair, I sat on the arm like he had the day he’d started reading to me.
With a mysterious smile, he pulled the SED from the harness at my waist and flicked on a screen. A dozen musicians sat in a half-moon, playing instruments I’d seen drawings of, but never the real thing. The stage projected their sound to a darkened audience, and to my earpieces.
Phoenix Symphony, my favorite. That must have been Dossam conducting from the piano. The books in the cottage library never had his — sometimes her — picture. Even this was difficult to see. The screen was small, and the image blurry. But I liked the way he caressed the piano keys and directed the other twenty members of the orchestra, as though physically drawing the music from them. Without him, there’d be only silence.
Mesmerizing.
“Li’s didn’t have video. I think Cris must have left it behind. Was it just old?”
Sam nodded. “Li probably had a newer one she didn’t let you see. Everyone uses Stef’s new design now.”
I scowled at the piece of machinery, which probably fit perfectly in Sam’s palm, but mine was too small. Not that I could pick it up right now. “Stef from your stories?”
“The same. He loves this kind of thing, but for a long time, no one used any of the technology he developed. Too annoying to carry around. Eventually he decided to put everything — image capturing, playback, voice communication, a billion other things — into one device.”
“Clever.”
“Tell him you think so, and you’ll have made a friend for eternity.” Sam grinned. “Better yet, tell him you like the name.”
“SED? Why?”
“It stands for Stef’s Everything Device.” He paused while the music swelled against my ears, and while I smiled. “Now the Council makes sure everyone has a SED so they can be reached during emergencies. Stef may be a little proud of that.”
“Deservedly so, because now I get music.” I closed my eyes during a flute solo, wishing I could wrap the silvery sound around me, like armor. When the rest of the musicians started to play again, I twisted to face Sam, so maybe he could see in my eyes how much this meant to me. “ Thank you.”
“I still want to know more about you.”
That again. Watching the musicians on the screen, I considered whether there was anything worthy of telling. But maybe he didn’t care about worthy. Maybe, for some unfathomable reason, he just wanted to know anything. “Once, I found a jar of honey in the cupboard. I took a spoon and ate half of it. Li had never let me try any before.” And she’d withheld meals for two days after.
“So you like sweet things. Did you ever get any more?”
“No, she hid it better after that. Up high.” I stilled, realizing I’d just admitted to stealing from Li. “But don’t worry. I was younger then and wasn’t thinking. I wouldn’t just take anything from you.”
What I really meant was, please don’t send me away.
“Besides,” I added, turning my bandaged hands palm up, “I can’t take anything without asking.”
“Your hands will recover soon.” He gave a sly half smile. “And in my house, you can have all the honey you want. I’m friends with the beekeeper.”
“I’m going to Purple Rose Cottage,” he said, our second week in the cabin. “We’re low on painkillers and gauze.”
“No!” I stood so quickly the SED dropped, cutting off the music. “Don’t go there.”
Sam knelt in front of me, retrieving the device. “Either I get supplies, or your hands go back to hurting all the time.”
“Don’t go. She’ll know I’m with you and do something awful. Neither of us will be safe.” Adrenaline flooded me, making me shake. “I’m willing to suffer the pain. Just don’t go.”
“I’m not willing to let you suffer.” He reconnected the SED with my earpieces, and a dozen-person symphony began again. “I’ll be back before nightfall.”
And he was. I wasn’t clear on how far the cottage was from his cabin — I’d never found this place during my explorations — but he returned well before dark. Maybe he’d run. I was just happy to see him again.
“Was she terrible?” I asked from where I sat on the chair with the SED. Now it played a piano song with a strange, bouncy rhythm.
He dropped the bag of supplies on the counter with a clatter of pills and thunk of glass. “She wasn’t there, but the door was unlocked.”
“So you just took things?” That idea made me smile.
“You need them.” He frowned toward the stove, in spite of our good fortune. Li wasn’t there. She wouldn’t come after me. He should have been relieved, but he just looked pensive. “I wonder where she went.”
“Maybe she went to fight dragons and they ate her.”
Sam just shook his head. “I do have good news.”
Li’s absence was great news. If that didn’t count as good to him, I was eager to find out what did .
From the bag, he drew out a glass jar filled with golden-amber liquid. “I found where she hid the honey.”
Emotions tangled inside of me, like vines. Carefully, I nudged the SED off my lap and onto the chair. The earpieces followed.
Sam watched as I moved, and as I walked toward him. “Ana?”
The way he said my name, I must have been some mysterious creature; he’d thought he’d known my habits, but now I threw my arms around him and hugged him as tight as I could. I shook with nerves — with touching someone voluntarily, and allowing him to trap me in his embrace — and I shook with warring confusion and gratitude.
Why would he do something so nice?
I didn’t understand. If he’d been Li, he would have used my desires against me somehow, but every time I told him something about myself, he gave me something in return. Music. HoHugging him felt nice, safe almost, but it lasted too long. Not long enough. He pulled away first and began checking my hands. “Looking much better.” One side of his mouth pulled up. “Think you can hold a spoon?”
“Maybe. Why?”
One eyebrow raised, he glanced at the jar of honey on the counter.
“You aren’t serious.”
“Only if you can hold a spoon.” He gave me a look I couldn’t decipher. Amusement? Challenge? It wasn’t like Li’s challenge look. “But if you can’t…”
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