Margaret Weis - The War of the Lance

After breakfast, off we went again — Fizban with his foot wrapped up in a dish towel I'd found in my pouch. We walked around in the fog for I forget how long except I remember eating again and sleeping again and then we came to Huma's Tomb.

For the third time.

I don't mean to offend any knights when I say this, but I was beginning to be a little bored at the sight of it.

"This does it," Fizban muttered, and he started to roll up his sleeves. "Follow us, will you!"

"I don't think it's following us," I pointed out, and I'm afraid I spoke pretty sharp. "I think we're following it!"

"No!" Fizban looked amazed. Then confused. "Do you think so?"

"Yes," I snapped, wondering if my eyebrows would truly grow back and wishing I could see what I looked like without them. In fact, I was wishing I could see anything, besides Huma's Tomb and fog and burning trees.

"Then you don't think I should let loose with a real rip-snorter of a spell and blow it sky high?" he asked, in a kind of wistful tone.

"I don't think the knights would like that," I pointed out testily. "And you know how they can be."

(No offense. I don't mean all knights. Just some knights.)

"Besides," I continued, "Huma might come back and be really put out to find that someone blew up his Tomb while he was gone. And I can't say that I'd blame him."

"No, I suppose not," said Fizban, unhappily. "Maybe I could just blow up the stairs?"

"How will Huma get up to the door if the stairs are gone?"

"I see your point." Fizban heaved a sigh.

"You know, Fizban," I said sternly (I decided I had to be stern), "this has been a lot of fun. Really. It's not everyday I get my nose almost broken and both my eyebrows singed off and watch you set fire to two trees and see Huma's Tomb in the fog three times (four for me) but I think we've done just about everything exciting there is to do around here. It's time to move on. WHEREVER IT IS WE'RE GOING." I said the last words in an extra firm tone, hoping he'd take the hint.

Fizban muttered around awhile and did a few magic tricks that were kind of interesting, like shooting off some white and purple stars. He asked me how I liked that one and would I like to see some more?

I said no.

Then he got real flustered and took off his hat and took off the dish towel from around his hurt foot and put his hat back on, only he put it on his foot and put the dish towel over his head.

Suddenly he said, "I've got it! A spell — "

"Wait! Not yet!" I cried, jumping up and covering my face with my hands.

"A spell that will take us right where we want to go!" he shouted triumphantly. "Here, grab hold of my sleeve. Hang on tight, there's a good lad. Keep your hand out of my pouch. Wizard-stuff in there. And some rather fine liverwurst. Ready? Here we go!"

Well, I thought. Finally! At last!

I grabbed hold of Fizban's sleeve and he spoke some words that sounded like spiders crawling around inside my head. Everything went blurry and I heard a sound like wind blowing in my ears.

And when I opened my eyes, there we were.

Inside Huma's Tomb.

"Fizban!" I said and this time I was stern AND firm. "Did you mean to do that?"

"Yes," he said, twisting the dish towel in his hands and sneaking peeks around the room. "Got us right where I wanted. Uh, do you happen to know where that might be? Just testing you," he added quickly.

I'm afraid I shouted. "We're in Huma's Tomb!"

"Oh, dear," he said.

Well, by this time I'd had enough. "I hate to hurt your feelings, Fizban, but I don't think you're much of a wizard and — "

I didn't finish that because Fizban's eyebrows (HE still had eyebrows) came together and got real bristly and stuck out over his nose and he looked suddenly very fierce and angry. I was afraid he was angry at me, but as it turned out, he wasn't.

"Enchantment!" he cried.

"What?" I didn't know what we were talking about.

"Enchantment!" he said again. "We're under an enchantment! We're cursed!"

"How marvelou — I m-mean, how awful," I stammered, seeing his fierce look grow even fiercer. "Who… who would put us under an enchantment?" I asked in very polite tones.

"Who else? The Dark Queen." He glared at me and stomped around the tomb. "She knows I'm after the dragon orb and she's trying to thwart me. I'll fix her. I'll… (mumble, mumble, mumble)."

I put the mumbles in because I really couldn't make out what Fizban said he was going to do to the Dark Queen if he ever got his hands on her. Or if I did at the time I can't remember now.

"Well," I said briskly, hopping up. "Now that we know we're cursed and under an enchantment, let's leave and get on with our journey."

Fizban bristled at me. "That's just it, you see. We can't leave."

"Can't leave?!" My heart sank down to the hole in my sock. "You mean… we're…"

Trapped," said Fizban gloomily. "Doomed forever to wander in the fog and always come back here, where we started. Huma's Tomb."

"Forever!"

My heart oozed right out of the hole in my sock and ended up in my shoe. A snuffle rose up in my throat and choked me. "I'm very glad you're not dead anymore, Fizban, and I'm truly quite fond of you, but I don't want to be trapped in a cursed enchantment in a tomb with you forever! Why, what would Flint do without me? And Tanis? I'm his advisor, you know. You have to get us out of here!"

I'm afraid I went a bit wild, just because I was so tired of being in this Tomb and of the fog and everything. I grabbed hold of Fizban's robes and the snuffle turned into a whimper, then into a wail, and I lost control of myself for a fairly good stretch of time.

Fizban patted my topknot and let me cry into his robes, then he slapped me on the back and said to brace myself and keep a stiff upper torso. He was going to offer me his handkerchief to wipe my nose only he couldn't find it. Fortunately, I found it and so I used it and felt some better. Funny, the way getting those snuffles and wails out of your insides makes you feel better.

And I was so much better that I had an Idea.

"Fizban," I said, after giving the matter thought, "if the Dark Queen has put us under an enchantment, it must mean she's watching us — right?"

"You betcha!" he said, and he looked around quite fierce again.

It occurred to me then that maybe I shouldn't talk so loud because if she was watching us she might be listening to us, too. So I crept over to Fizban and, once I found his ear under all that hair, I whispered into it, "If she's watching the front door, why don't we sneak out the back?"

He looked sort of stunned, then he blinked and said, "By George! I have an idea. If the Dark Queen's watching the front door, why don't we sneak out the back?!"

"That was my idea," I pointed out.

"Don't be a ninny!" he said, miffed. "Are you a great and powerful wizard?"

"No," I was forced to admit.

"Then it was my idea," he said. "Hang on."

He grabbed hold of my topknot and I grabbed hold of his robes and he spoke some more of those spider-leg words. The Tomb got blurry and wind rushed around me and I was dizzy and turned every which way. All in all quite a delightful sensation. And then everything settled down and I heard Fizban say "oops" in a kind of way that I didn't like much, having said it myself a time or two on occasion and knowing what it meant.

I opened my eyes kind of cautiously, thinking that if I saw Huma's Tomb again I'd be upset. But I didn't. See Huma's Tomb, that is. I opened my eyes wide and my mouth opened at the same time to ask where we were, when suddenly a hand clapped over my mouth.

"Shush!" said Fizban.

His whiskers tickled my cheek, and, before I knew what was happening, he'd lifted me clean off my feet and was dragging me backward into a really dark part of wherever it was we were.