Melvin Burgess - Bloodtide

'God,' I said, and he looked at me with a slight smile. I felt my limbs begin to tremble. I licked my lips. 'He must be a spy,' I said. I had to try hard to speak. 'No thief would keep so quiet. This one hasn't even got lies to tell. God,' I said again, without even meaning to. He was really spooking me. Then I felt myself getting angry. What did all this mean? Who did this creature think he was?

I'd had enough of it I said, 'Kill him. Do it quick.'

But Val turned to the guard. 'Hang him by his heel in the lift shaft He'll be dead by the morning. If he's a thief, who cares? If he's a spy, Conor and his men can eat and drink and wonder what he told us.'

'Yes! We'll be able to tell by their faces if they know him or not!' crowed Ben. He clapped his hands. 'And let them do the same to any others they catch, Father! That'll show them.'

Val nodded. 'Certainly.' He looked at me sideways and added, 'But there'd better not be.'

Signy

My wedding night. Conor was being sweet again but I wasn't sure it suited him.

'You haven't been looking forward to this part,' he suggested.

'Says who?' I snapped. I only said it to disagree with him, but of course he thought I was encouraging him and he reached out to touch me. I lifted up my finger and said, 'Ah, ah!' Actually, I practically screamed it. No way was he going to touch me!

Then he looked so confused I felt sorry for him. He'd been told all about me, but I think he still thought I was some sort of girlie-girlie girl. I thought, I'll show you, and I turned the tables suddenly by rushing up and pinching his bum. 'You're a pretty little thing, aren't you?' I bellowed, and he looked shocked, which made me giggle. I thought to myself, this is easier than I thought.

We had this suite of rooms, a sitting room and two bedrooms. I asked if anyone had teased him about having two separate bedrooms on his wedding night and he looked surprised.

'No one ever teases me,' he promised.

I said, 'Soon change that, then.'

We had a couple of drinks in the sitting room. He was very respectful. I appreciated that, although who was to say he'd keep it up when we got back to the north?

He put some music on. He was so clumsy! It was this disco-thump stuff. 'Bang-a-shub BANG-a-shub, bang-a-shub,' I groaned. 'Do you really like this sort of thing?'

He said, 'No, I thought you might.' I just rolled my eyes.He'd obviously had squads of advisers telling him how to woo a young girl, but no one had thought of asking about my taste in music. I just turned it off and we stood there in silence. Uncomfortable silence. I was prepared to make him suffer.

He paced up and down, glaring at me half the time and chewing his lip and blushing the other half. After a bit he came and sat next to me on the sofa and said, 'Have you thought about what I said? Have you made up your mind?'

I could feel my heart going at once. I'd talked to Sigs about it and we figured out what he was up to. 'Nice rape,' I sneered, because that's all it was. Easier for him if the victim was willing and how much nicer if I liked him sticking his pork where it wasn't wanted.

But, it didn't feel like that. It was so weird because I'd been told all my life that he was some kind of demon. Soft sort of demon, I thought. I wasn't thinking, sweet, though -not yet I was thinking, wimp. But that didn't really fit. You don't get to be a ganglord by being a wimp.

I just wrinkled up my nose. He frowned and then, very slowly so there could no mistake, he lifted up his hand and touched me, very lightly, touched my neck. I was wearing an open-necked top and he went down to that little hollow under your neck; it made me shiver. I put my hand on his to stop him – just to stop him, but somehow it was a close gesture and he took it for consent. Conor put his hand slowly around the back of my head and pulled me close, tipped up my face and kissed me.

I'd kissed boys before – but this was different He was years older than me, but he wasn't thirty yet. He wasn't old like my father is. I thought, he's not that old after all. The kiss went right through me, and I was scared I wouldn't be any good at kissing, but it must have gone right through him, too, because he pulled me right up tight against him and pressed me into him.

I said, 'I'm going to bed, now.' I pulled away and almost ran into my bedroom. I lay down on the bed with all my clothes on. I heard him put a new CD on, I heard him rattle ice in a glass. I thought, if he tries to come in here I'll cut him. Then there was a soft little knock at my door that sent my heart thundering. I could have squeaked! But it was – so pleasurable. I thought, listen, girl, if you want to you can slit him, he's no trouble to you. So why be scared? And then I thought, what's happening to me?

I didn't answer the soft little knock. After a bit he went away and I just lay there. It was impossible to sleep. And you know – I didn't want him to go away! I lay there thinking, what would Had do, or Ben? What would my father do, what would Siggy do? Most of all what would Siggy do if he were me?

I could hear him saying, 'Go next door and give him one…' Except of course he wouldn't say that He'd say that about anyone else I fancied except Conor. He was so jealous. But I suddenly thought, that's what Sigs would say, that's what I'd say to him. Let's face it, just about the only advantage I can think of being married at bloody fourteen is, you can have sex without your parents minding. I thought, maybe I'll take your advice, Sigs, even if you wouldn't give it to me…

I mean, you gotta start somehow. And what I haven't said is… being there in that room with that man – it'd horned me right up.

Conor hadn't gone to bed yet. I slipped out of bed, tiptoed over to the door and pushed it open a few inches. Then I sort of giggled and ran back to bed. He had to come to me!

He stopped in the other room. I could hear him stopping. Then there was the door moving open, his foot half in, half out…

'Signy? Signy?'

I didn't say anything. I flung the covers over my head and I let out this stupid little squeak, it was so embarrassing. It made me furious with him. I tucked myself up. He tiptoed in. I was pretending to be asleep, and then I thought, this is stupid! So I sat up suddenly and said, 'What do you want?'

He just stood there looking at me. I felt so excited and alone, curled up in my bed with this tall man looking at me.

I said, 'I've had sex before, you know.'

He scowled and said, 'You mean…' Then he stopped and sort of shrugged and said, 'You're very young. But I guess that's your business.'

I said, 'That's right.' I felt – in control. I patted the bed and said, 'Sit down,' and he did as he was told. It was exciting, him doing what he was told. I was getting the giggles but I was scared!

He sat on the bed and put his arms round me and kissed me again. It was so gorgeous. It was so gorgeous! Then his fingers began to open the buttons on my top.

I whispered in his ear, 'I've had lots of sex before.'

He went a bit still and said, 'So you keep saying.'

I pulled away from him and said, 'Lots of them. Loads of them!'

He leaned back and said, 'What, do you mean all the way?'

I said, 'Fourteen-year-olds are allowed to have a sex life too.' Then I added very quietly, 'Even if it's only with themselves…'

I said that because it's so private, I never talked about that to anyone before, not even Siggy. I don't know why I said it, but I suppose, thinking about it after, I must have wanted to tell him something as private as that. It was something to give him, because I'd made him feel bad about all those boys I never had. Well, actually I had touched a couple and they'd touched me, but not like I was saying to him.