Zach Hughes: Closed System

"I await eagerly my ascent to glory," Gorbensaid.

The computer aboard the Skimmer was next touseless. Pat had to stay alert on the long trip home,as the ship blinked and blinked and then pausedto charge. During the charge periods he slept withthe aid of an intake of alcohol far beyond his cus­tomary habits. He did not drink the last two daysbefore reaching Xanthos so that his head would beclear for his report. He asked specifically for Jeanny Thompson, needing, wanting, a friendly face as hetold his incredible story.

A crusty X&A admiral, called in for the secondtelling of Pat's tale, grunted and said, "Has thisman been given a psychological evaluation?" Thatwas his way of saying he didn't believe. Pat didn'tgive a damn.

"Sir," he said, "I'll pass on the psychologicalevaluation. Just follow the blink route I've givenJeanny and you'll have your proof."

Almost five thousand ships dead in space was ample proof.

At last he was finished. He kept himself togetherlong enough to lift the Skimmer to the shipyardand leave orders for that long-delayed overhaul. Then he tried his damnedest to disappear into a bottle.

When Jeanny Thompson finally found him she used her handbeam to cut the lock which he yelledout to her that he would not open.

"God, what a slob," she said, when she saw him.

She walked to the holo projector and stood behindit. A beautiful auburn-haired girl in period cos­tume was frozen in time and space, standing atthe head of a long, sweeping staircase.

"So that's Corinne," Jeanny said.

Then she took the cassette from the projector and opened a window and threw it out. It shat­tered into a thousand pieces on the pavement fourstories below. Pat bellowed and charged at her drunkenly, and she clipped him neatly on the side of the neck and caught him before he fell.

When he awoke he was clean, his three-week-beard had been shaved, not too gently, and theapartment no longer reeked of stale sweat andbooze. His head was clear.

"I used detox on you," Jeanny said.

"I don't thank you for it," Pat said. She had diedwithin half a mile of him, that beautiful woman.She had died and—

"Hungry?" Jeanny asked. "No," he said. "Eat anyhow," Jeanny ordered, putting food infront of him. In spite of himself, the smell of it caused his

stomach to growl. "OK, Audrey," Jeanny said. "Don't call me Audrey," he said, around a bite ofdelicious meat. "You've spent a month feeling sorry for yourself.So you've lost your great love, the love of yourlife—" The food turned to straw in his mouth. And hislook caused Jeanny to hold up one hand quickly. "Sorry," she said. "I won't do that again." He chewed and swallowed. "Pat, an X&A ship just got back from your planet.They found everything there just as you said itwould

be." Pat nodded. "There's a little difficulty with the natives, Pat. After all, they've had their beliefs for a thousandyears.

They're going to be in for a severe dose ofculture shock." "Can't be helped," Pat said. "It can be eased," she said. "I'm sure you people can handleit,"Pat said. "There's a young man named Gorben out therewho says he won't obey any order against the oldways

unless it comes directly from Fleet AdmiralTorga Bluntz." She leaned forward. "Pat, I can'tpretend that I know how you feel. Apparently I'venever loved anyone like that, but I can imaginethat you're still sore in your heart from having tolet those beautiful blond young men kill each other."

"I am," Pat said. "There are a few of them left," she said. "Theyneed your help, Pat. Think of the things they'regoing to be

hit with. They're going to learn that athousand years of tradition have all been in vain, that Zede lost the war, that there's going to be noreturn to glory, no heaven in Zede." "Any decent planet will seem like heaven afterDorchlunt," Pat said. "Pat," she said accusingly. "All right, dammit, what can I do? Haven't Idone enough to them already?"

"You can go back, as Admiral Bluntz, and easethe blow a bit for them, help them make thetransition."

"Alone?"

"No. X&A will have people swarming all overthe place. That's a pretty mean weapon out there,Pat. They'll want to be sure that the secret doesn'tget off Dorchlunt, and that there are no more work­ing

models in existence."

"I won't be a part of the service," Pat said. "Iwon't go out there on an X&A ship."

"I can sign a charter agreement for the Skim­ mer,"she said. "It won't be at your usual exorbi­tant rates."

"I'll think it over," Pat said.

"Pat, the service can't force you to go. But youmight find it a little rough to get clearances thenext time

you try to go into space. You might havea little trouble with your licenses."

"Blackmail," Pat said, but he was thinking ofGorben. The kid deserved better than he hadcoming.

"Call it what you will."

"OK. Draw me a charter. I'll go out on Skimmer and talk to them."

"Since this is an official mission, there'll have tobe an X&A officer with you."

Pat shook his head, thinking of weeks in spacewith some brass-bound service egghead. "No deal. The

deal is off. I will not have some hardass X&Ajoker on Skimmer."

"That's odd," Jeanny said. "I thought my asswas pretty soft."

"You?" he asked.

"That's my assignment."

Well, that wouldn't be bad. Jeanny was a decentsort. He'd rather be alone, but if it had to be anyone,

better Jeanny than anyone else.

He put her in the mate's cabin. The Skimmer gleamed. The old man, the computer, was as sharpas new. Jeanny didn't push herself on him. Shealternated watches with him, although it wasn'treally necessary, and she spoke only when spoken to. He found himself comparing her with Corinne.Corinne was more beautiful, but Jeanny wasn'tbad, not bad at all, and she was an old friend andshe'd gone on the line for him a couple of times. No reason to take it out on her.

One night as they waited for the generator tocharge he found himself talking to her about Co­rinne. She made little sympathetic sounds.

She cleaned up the mate's cabin. It wasn't allthat bad having her aboard. She was neat, and shedidn't talk all the time. One day, halfway toDorchlunt, she made him laugh.

They blinked out near the planet Dorchlunt inwhat was, for Pat, an unfortunate position. Bren­den's flagship, dead in space, had been left in anorbit just slightly higher than that of the old col­ony ship, and as it happened both ships were insight when Skimmer emerged. Pat felt a twist of his heart. It was night in the villages. Pat sug­gested they get a good sleep before going down at dawn. He dreamed of that last moment when herealized that Gorben had made his way to the disrupter and, thinking that he was defending hisgod, had turned the disrupter on the ship which contained Brenden and Corinne. He awoke, and there was a soft hand on his forehead, and a soft voice saying, "Hey, take it easy, old buddy."

"Corinne?"

"No, just me," Jeanny said.

"Ah, God," he said, his voice choking, and whenshe clasped her arms around his head and pulledhis cheek down to her bare, hot breasts, he did notprotest, but let the nightmare continue, and thenthere were tears in his eyes and then worse. He wept.

When he had expended himself Jeanny still held him. "My boy," she said, "I don't know whether tobe glad or sorry that you never loved me thatmuch. It would be flattering, in a way, and a hugeburden in another, you know?"

He pulled away, kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks,Jeanny," he said.

"Want company the rest of the night?" she asked.

He didn't say anything. She crawled into thebed beside him, put her arms around him. Hedidn't move, but he didn't try to push her away.She was warm and soft against him, but he felt no desire for her. His desire had died with that sleek ship which orbited the planet above the old relic.Jeanny, concerned for him, said, "Hey, if there'sanything at all that I can do—"