Joe Abercrombie - The Blade Itself

“Uh.” Jezal shrugged, lighting the pipe and leaning back in his chair, looking up at the grey sky and sucking on the stem.

“You seem pretty calm about it all,” said Brint.

“Uh.”

The three officers glanced at each other, disappointed by the failure of their chosen topic. Kaspa picked another. “Have you fellows seen the Princess Terez yet?”

Brint and Jalenhorm sighed and gasped, then the three of them prattled their gormless appreciation of the woman. “Have I seen her? Have I ever!”

“They call her the jewel of Talins!”

“The rumours didn’t lie where she’s concerned!”

“I hear the marriage to Prince Ladisla is a fixed thing.”

“The lucky bastard!” And so on.

Jezal stayed where he was, sat back in his chair, blowing smoke at the sky. He wasn’t so sure about Terez, from the little he’d seen. Beautiful from a distance, no doubt, but he imagined that her face would feel like glass to the touch: cold, hard and brittle. Nothing like Ardee’s…

“Still,” Jalenhorm was spouting, “I have to say, Kaspa, my heart still belongs to your cousin Ariss. Give me a Union girl any day over one of these foreigners.”

“Give you her money, you mean,” murmured Jezal, head still tipped back.

“No!” complained the big man. “She’s a perfect lady! Sweet, demure, well-bred. Ah!” Jezal smiled to himself. If Terez was cold glass, then Ariss was a dead fish. Kissing her would be like kissing an old rag, he imagined: limp and tedious. She couldn’t kiss the way Ardee did. No one could…

“Well, they’re both of them beauties, no doubt,” Brint was blathering, “fine women to dream about, if dreams are all you’re after…” He leaned forward to a conspiratorial distance, smirking shiftily round as though he had something secret and exciting to say. The other two edged their chairs forward, but Jezal stayed where he was. He had no interest at all in hearing about whatever whore that idiot was bedding.

“Have you met West’s sister?” murmured Brint. Jezal’s every muscle stiffened. “She’s not the equal of those two of course, but she’s really quite pretty in a common sort of way and… I think she’d be willing.” Brint licked his lips and nudged Jalenhorm in the ribs. The big man grinned guiltily like a schoolboy at a dirty joke. “Oh yes, she strikes me as the willing type.” Kaspa giggled. Jezal put his pipe down on the table, noticing that his hand was trembling slightly. The other was gripping the arm of his chair so hard that his knuckles were white.

“I do declare,” said Brint, “if I didn’t think the Major would stick me with his sword, I’d be tempted to stick his sister with mine, eh?” Jalenhorm spluttered with laughter. Jezal felt one of his eyes twitching as Brint turned his smirk towards him. “Well, Jezal, what do you think? You’ve met her, haven’t you?”

“What do I think?” His voice seemed to come from a terribly long way away as he stared at those three grinning faces. “I think you should watch your mouth, you son of a fucking whore.”

He was on his feet now, teeth gritted so tight together they felt like they might crack apart. The three smiles blinked and faded. Jezal felt Kaspa’s hand on his arm. “Come on, he only meant—”

Jezal ripped his arm away, seized the edge of the table and flung it over. Coins, cards, bottles, glasses, flew through the air and spilled out across the grass. He had his sword in his other hand, still sheathed luckily, leaning right down over Brint, spraying spit in his face. “Now you fucking listen to me, you little bastard!” he snarled, “I hear anything more like that, anything, and you won’t have to worry about West!” He pressed the grip of his steel into Brint’s chest. “I’ll carve you like a fucking chicken!”

The three men stared up at him, aghast, their mouths wide open, their astonishment at this sudden display of violence equalled only by Jezal’s own.

“But—” said Jalenhorm.

“What?” screamed Jezal, seizing a fistful of the big man’s jacket and dragging him half out of his chair. “What d’you fucking say?”

“Nothing,” he squeaked, his hands raised, “nothing.” Jezal let him drop. The fury was draining fast. He had half a mind to apologise, but when he saw Brint’s ashen face all he could think of was “she strikes me as the willing type”.

“Like! A! Fucking! Chicken!” he snarled again, then turned on his heel and stalked off. Halfway to the archway he realised he had left his coat behind, but he could hardly go back for it now. He made it into the darkness of the tunnel, took a couple of steps down it then sagged against the wall, breathing hard and trembling as if he’d just run ten miles. He understood now what it meant to lose one’s temper, and no mistake. He had never even realised that he had one before, but there could be no doubt now.

“What the hell was that about?” Brint’s shocked voice echoed quietly down the tunnel, only just audible over the thumping of Jezal’s heart. He had to hold his breath to hear.

“Damned if I know.” Jalenhorm, sounding even more surprised. There was the rattle and scrape of the table being put straight. “Never knew he had such a temper.”

“I suppose he must have a lot to think about,” said Kaspa, uncertainly, “what with the Contest and all…”

Brint cut him off. “That’s no excuse!”

“Well, they’re close, aren’t they? Him and West? What with all the fencing together and what have you, maybe he knows the sister or something… I don’t know!”

“There is another explanation,” Jezal could hear Brint saying, voice tense as though he was about to deliver a punchline. “Perhaps he’s in love with her!” The three of them burst out laughing. It was a good joke alright. Captain Jezal dan Luthar, in love, and with a girl whose station in life was so far beneath his own. What a ridiculous idea! What an absurd notion! What a joke!

“Oh shit.” Jezal put his head in his hands. He didn’t feel like laughing. How the hell had she done this to him? How? What was it about her? She was fine to look at, of course, and clever, and funny, and all those things, but that was no explanation. “I cannot see her again,” he whispered to himself, “I will not!” And he thumped his hand against the wall. His resolve was iron. It always was.

Until the next note came under his door.

He groaned and slapped the side of his head. Why did he feel like this? Why did he… he couldn’t even bring himself to think the word… like her so much? Then it came to him. He knew why.

She didn’t like him.

Those mocking half-smiles. Those sidelong glances he caught sometimes. Those jokes that went just a little too close to the bone. Not to mention the occasional examples of outright scorn. She liked his money, maybe. She liked his position in the world, of course. She liked his looks, undoubtedly. But, in essence, the woman despised him.

And he’d never had that feeling before. He had always just assumed that everybody loved him, had never really had cause to doubt he was a fine man, worthy of the highest respect. But Ardee didn’t like him, he saw it now, and that made him think. Apart from the jaw, of course, and the money and the clothes, what was there to like?

She treated him with the contempt he knew he deserved. And he couldn’t get enough of it. “Strangest thing,” Jezal mumbled to himself, slouching miserably against the wall of the tunnel. “Strangest thing.”

It made him want to change her mind.

“How are you, Sand?”

Colonel Glokta opened his eyes. It was dark in the room. Damn it, he was late!

“Damn it!” he shouted, shoving back the covers and leaping out of bed. “I’m late!” He snatched up his uniform trousers, shoving his legs in, fumbling with his belt.