Rick Cook - The Wizardry Quested

What now? Giant ants or lava? He tightened his grip on his staff and motioned the others to make ready.

The light was blue, but brighter blue than the fungus in the ant tunnels. It bobbed about as it came on, casting moving shadows on the floor and walls. Wiz scanned the shadows anxiously, looking for something hiding there.

Malkin was crouched to one side, rapier drawn and ready. When he looked back at the light he could make out figures in it. In fact:

Malkin screamed and dropped her rapier. Before Wiz could react she dashed forward bare-handed.

"Jerry!" she yelled.

Wiz looked again and sure enough, it was Jerry with a knot of people. Malkin ran to Jerry and practically leapt into his arms. He hugged her and lifted her clear of the floor in a single sweeping motion. Meanwhile the others pounded up and mere was a brief orgy of back-slapping, hugging and yelling.

"How the hell did you guys get here?" Wiz asked looking over the assortment of guards, wizards and others who were with his friend.

"We came looking for you," Jerry said, through Malkin’s dark hair. Then he set her down and kissed her soundly. "Bal-Simba’s here with Moira and a bunch of other people and, oh, Wiz, this is Taj, E.T. Tajikawa."

The Tajmanian Devil? I’m honored to meet you, but how did you get here?"

"Lets just say they made me an offer I couldn’t refuse," Tajikawa said. "No, not that kind of an offer," he said when he saw Wiz’s expression. They just dangled a real interesting problem under my nose."

"You know Major Mick Gilligan?"

"Good Lord? You’re in on this, too?"

"It’s a long story," Gilligan said, "and it’s just ’Mick,’ no more major."

"Let me guess."

"We found a solution, too," Jerry said. Then he explained to Wiz and the others about A-life and the probable nature of their enemy.

"It makes sense," Wiz said when the Taj and Jerry duet finally ran down. "It would explain a lot of what we’ve found since we arrived."

"I am glad it makes sense to you," Malkin said, still clinging to Jerry’s arm,

"because it’s gibberish to me. All I know is we’ve got to find this thing and finish it."

"That’s what it comes down to," Taj agreed. "Otherwise it will get bigger, meaner and nastier all the time."

"Yeah," Danny said, "and closer too. Look!"

Wiz turned and saw zombies bearing down on them.

"Quick," Wiz yelled, "down this tunnel." Programmers, guardsmen and wizards all dashed for the indicated opening. Jerry was the last in, backing down the tunnel for a distance before turning and running to join the others.

The zombies tottered out of the cavern and started down the tunnel, their sightless eyes fixed on their prey. Wiz stepped to one side, staff raised, ready to strike out at their undead attackers. Jerry put a hand on his arm to restrain him.

"Wait a minute," he said. "I may have something better." Wiz looked apprehensively at the oncoming horde but lowered his staff.

The first zombie tottered more than usual and stopped. He jerked convulsively as if trying to lift his trailing leg, but the foot stayed planted on the floor. By this time two other zombies had stopped, then three more. Before they were twenty paces down the tunnel all the zombies were stopped, doing a weird jerky twitch-dance like a demented version of a rock video.

"That should hold them for a while," Jerry said with satisfaction.

"What in hell kind of spell was that?"

"Crazy Glue," Jerry told him.

"Yeah, but how does it work?"

"Crazy Glue."

"No, not what you call it, but how does it work?"

Jerry held up a green-and-white bottle. "Crazy Glue. Jumbo size. I picked some up when we were in Vegas. I put drops of it all over the floor. Relax. They’re not going anywhere."

"Until they cut their feet off and crawl after us," Wiz said.

Jerry looked back over his shoulder. "Don’t give them any ideas."

"You know," Wiz said as they turned the corner out into another cavern, "those are the first zombies I’ve seen in a while. I wonder what happened to all the rest of them?"

"Oh, they were delicious," came a bubbling voice out of the darkness. The group turned and the giant lobster emerged from the shadows. "Such flavor, such character." He clicked his claws together in a way that reminded Wiz of a gourmet smacking his lips. "Humans improve tremendously with aging, you know." There was a pause. "Not much conversation however, and they simply would not stop wiggling."

Wiz turned slightly green. Something in the back of his mind kept reminding him that lobsters were carrion eaters.

The lobster clicked his claw more forcefully, with a sound that rang like a rifle shot in the cavern. "Oh, parsley! I don’t suppose your friends brought any with them?"

"Not part of our MREs," Gilligan said, keeping his hand close to his pistol butt. "Sorry."

"Oh, well, one can hope, can’t one? In any event, if you’ll excuse me, I believe there are some more of them down this way." With that the lobster brushed by them and hustled off the way they had come, feelers atwitch with anticipation. Wiz, Mick and the others watched him go. Then Mick and the rest turned to look at Wiz.

"Uh, that’s the lobster."

"Another ally?" Gilligan asked.

"Kind of. Just don’t let him have you over for dinner."

They met Bal-Simba and Malus’ group in another large chamber perhaps a half-mile on. There was another backslapping reunion and then a quick council of war to plan the final assault.

"Our detectors show the center of the thing-and Moira-are down that tunnel and in a large room beyond," Bal-Simba told the group.

"So do we sneak up on this thing?" Taj asked.

Wiz shook his head. "We’re not going to surprise it. It knows we’re coming." He looked around. "My suggestion is that we divide into two groups. One bunch of us will charge the thing and hit it hard. Hopefully that will keep it occupied. Meanwhile, the second group, with Bal-Simba and most of the wizards comes up behind, throwing as much magic at it as you can." He looked at the golden globe in the Tajmanian Devil’s hand. "Taj, you go in tucked in behind the first line, ready to lob that thing at it as soon as we get close. With luck it will be so busy with the first and second lines it won’t even see you coming."

"I claim quest companion’s right to stand in the front rank," proclaimed Glandurg, stepping forward.

Wiz sighed and nodded. "Okay. Take the extreme right of the line then. Jerry, you and Danny stay to either side of me." Malkin stepped forward. "Malkin, you stay with Jerry." June moved up next to Danny and Wiz didn’t waste breath trying to tell her where to stand.

"Now the first wave of the second rank will be mixed wizards and guardsmen. Shamus, I’ll leave it to you and Bal-Simba to order that, but I want Bal-Simba and some of the Mighty behind them. Moira, you stay in the rear with the guardsmen and Bal-Simba."

He took a deep breath. "Okay, then. We go in fast and try to hit this thing hard and all at once. Our primary objective is to get Taj close enough to this thing to throw the grenade at it." Then he paused and looked at his companions. "Our secondary objective," Wiz said grimly, "is to protect the dragon from my wife." No one mentioned the third objective.