Sara Larson - Defy

“Of course I’m mad!” I burst out. “How could you let me go on for the last three years without any idea that you knew?”

“Marcel made me swear. He was afraid you’d act different around me, accidentally reveal yourself to the others. I cared too much about you to risk that.”

His words wormed past my anger, brushing my heart with warmth. I could feel myself softening.

“You look … really good. She worked some sort of miracle on you. Are you in any pain?”

I reached up hesitantly, expecting to feel huge gashes on the side of my head where the jaguar had batted me. Instead, I found nothing but my hair and three thin lines of puckered skin, as if I’d already healed and formed scars. “No, there’s no pain,” I finally responded, my voice soft and disbelieving. “What is she?”

“Borracio wouldn’t say, but I heard someone else whispering about her being a sorceress.”

A sorceress who could heal? I’d never heard of anything like it. I, like all the people of Antion, had been told that sorcerers were evil, that the magic they wielded brought only death.

I pulled up the sleeve of my shirt to find the same thing — the skin on my left bicep was completely healed, with four bright pink scars to mark where the claws had bitten through my flesh, tearing my muscle.

“He said we needed to leave as soon as you were awake and feeling up to it. He acted like he couldn’t wait to be rid of us.” Rylan sat back on his heels, watching me as I slowly sat up.

“If he wants to be rid of us that badly, why even make the effort to have his healer help me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then let’s go. Prince Damian is probably going to undo all her hard work when we arrive a day late.” I stood up and flexed my left hand and stretched my neck, rolling my head in wonder, not quite able to believe the pain, the horror of the night before were gone. I was scarred, but I was better. In one night. I glanced down and realized I was dressed in clean clothes and my chest was bound with a clean cloth. Whoever had taken care of me was now aware of my secret, too. The list was growing at an alarming rate.

I wanted to find this woman, to ask her how she did it, to find out how I could repay her. To make sure she wouldn’t tell anyone I was a girl. Even though Borracio somehow already knew as well. But when I followed Rylan out of the room into an equally damp and dark tunnel, no one was there.

“He told me the exit was just through here.” Rylan gestured to a tunnel that broke off from ours, heading to our left. He unhooked a second scabbard from around his waist and gave it to me. I recognized it as my own, the one that hadn’t been by the river yesterday. My bow and arrows were still gone, but I was glad to get my sword back at least.

“Thank you,” I said, strapping it on.

He nodded and I followed him down the left tunnel. I glanced over my shoulder once, hoping to see someone — anyone — but the path behind us was empty. I shivered and hurried after Rylan.

We walked out into the sunlight, even closer to the spot where we’d originally been hit with the darts than where I’d come out the first time.

“There must be a city’s worth of caves and tunnels around here,” I remarked.

Rylan nodded, but didn’t say anything else. He took the lead this time, and I was happy to follow, although I kept checking over my shoulder, my heart beating unevenly in my chest. An uncomfortable silence weighed on the air around us, heavier even than the oppressive humidity, which coated my skin so that I was already damp with sweat. Rylan’s words rang through my mind again: I cared too much about you to risk that . What did he mean? I felt off balance around him now, more vulnerable than I felt since the day my parents died and I was taken into the army. I couldn’t believe he’d always known I was a girl. It embarrassed me for some reason.

“Rylan, I’m —” I stumbled over a tree root and my cheeks flamed. I didn’t trip. I didn’t stumble or blush or let someone else take the lead. I couldn’t let the fact that he knew I was a girl change me. And yet, I already had. He’d never treated me any differently; I hadn’t had a clue. But now I was acting like an idiot. “Can we stop for a second?”

He immediately turned around. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?” There was nothing but sincere concern in his eyes, and it made me feel even worse.

“No. I mean, yes, I’m okay. I’m not in pain. But I needed to tell you … I don’t know. I’m sorry, I guess.”

“What do you have to be sorry for?”

I couldn’t meet his gaze and looked past his shoulder to the crowded trees and vines, the sudden, startling splash of rich purple bougainvillea. “I’m sorry I’ve been angry about … you know what. I should probably be thanking you.”

He was silent and I hazarded a glance back at his face. The intensity of his gaze made my cheeks grow hot again. The flecks of gold in his irises were prominent in the bright sunlight. “And what is it you’d like to thank me for?” he asked finally.

I cleared my throat, telling myself to calm down. He probably wasn’t looking at me in any special way. The heat, the humidity, the strange and overwhelming last few days were all getting to me. That plus the fact I had no idea how to even act like a girl anymore anyway, even if I’d wanted to. “Thank you for keeping my secret.” I made my voice gruff and folded my arms across my chest.

“Of course,” he replied, his expression growing more guarded.

“Not even Jude knows?”

“No.”

I nodded, then glanced up at the sky. The sun was almost directly overhead. “Let’s get going and hope we still have positions in the guard when we get back.” I brushed past him and took off down the path, making my strides as long as possible, eating up the distance between me and the palace. I didn’t look back to see if Rylan had followed, but I could feel his presence behind me.

We didn’t speak or stop the rest of the way except for when I spotted some bloodroot growing in a small patch at the base of a large banyan tree. Rylan watched as I gathered a bunch, but didn’t ask why and I didn’t volunteer an answer.

Finally, hours later, the palace walls rose in front of us. Beyond that, the city of Tubatse was visible, sprawled across the valley below the palace. Pressed up close to the outskirts of the buildings and huts of Tubatse was a whole other city of tents — the temporary stopping place for different battalions of the army on their way out to or back from fighting the Blevonese. Smoke curled up from the funeral pyres that lined the southern edge of the tent city — soldiers who had died of infection, injuries, disease, or a combination of all three, brought back from the battlefield only to die in the shadow of the palace.

We hadn’t even made it to the side gate before it was thrown wide open and Jude came running out to us.

“You’re alive!” he exclaimed right before grabbing his brother into a tight embrace. I watched silently.

They broke apart and Jude turned to face me. “We were sure you’d gotten lost or been killed. Prince Damian has been throwing a tantrum all day. You’d better get up there before he breaks something.”

Jude headed back toward the palace gate, but Rylan paused, giving me a long, searching look first. I lifted my chin, my teeth tightly clamped together against any display of emotion or weakness. Finally, he turned and followed his brother.

Stomach churning, I stepped back into the protective wings of the palace walls, leaving the jungle and all that had happened behind me, but heading toward a different type of danger awaiting me: the fury of my prince.