Sara Larson - Defy

“Because a prince of Antion can’t afford to have emotions like love or sorrow or grief. Not unless he wants them used against him.”

An uncomfortable silence fell upon us and I looked away from Prince Damian to stare at my bare feet on the floor. It hit me again, how very little I really knew about the prince I’d served day and night for the last year. Before these last couple of days, it had never occurred to me that the haughty, spoiled person I disliked might be nothing more than an act. But I still didn’t understand why . Why go to such lengths to make your own people despise you? The man sitting next to me on the bed, talking about the loss of his brother, was someone I could grow to respect, even like.

“I need someone I can trust right now, Alex. And I hope I have chosen correctly in thinking that person is you.”

“Of course, my lord.”

“You may call me Damian when we’re alone. I get tired of all the my lord s and Your Highness es all the time.” He sighed, and I glanced over at him. There was nothing of the mocking royal heir I was used to in his expression. Instead, there was only a great weariness that lined his face beyond his years. Sitting this close, looking at him in the moonlight, I was struck by how young he really was — and yet, how old at the same time.

“My lo — um, Damian.” I haltingly spoke his name, my heart skidding a bit beneath my rib cage. “I don’t understand what you need me for. If you want me to trust you, I need to understand what you’re doing at night. The secret passageways and letters and everything else.”

Damian’s expression was unreadable in the darkness, but his pale eyes pierced me. “If you prove your trustworthiness, in time, I hope to be able to answer your questions. But for now I need to ask you to do something for me.”

“I am at your bidding, my lord.”

“Ah,” he said, “so we’re back to my lord , are we? I didn’t mean to offend you.” Damian paused and shook his head. “I don’t like being so secretive, but I have no choice. Half of my family has already been murdered. And though I believe I’ve chosen wisely in trusting you, I have to make absolutely certain before I reveal any more. I hope you can understand.”

I was silent for several seconds. He was right to be so cautious. It was presumptuous of me even to have asked him to explain himself. I was lucky he didn’t punish me for my audacity. My exhaustion, my emotional state, the moonlight on his face, the low timbre of his voice had encouraged me to become too lax.

But he was correct; we were more alike than I thought. Except both of my parents had been murdered by the enemy, not just one.

“I understand,” I said and I felt him relax slightly next to me, as if the possibility that I might remain upset with him had made him worried.

“I do hope to be able to tell you more someday soon. It would be a … relief to have someone to confide in.” Damian glanced over at me. “Don’t you agree?”

Now it was my turn to stiffen. “What is it that you would like me to do?” I asked, ignoring his question. My heartbeat was probably visible in my neck, it was pounding so hard.

Damian looked at me for a long moment, his expression inscrutable in the moonlight. “The girl who attacked me,” he finally said, “the one who is to hang tomorrow, belongs to the group that was also responsible for killing my brother. It’s a rebel group that seems to believe killing us both will break my father and end this war. They are unfortunately wrong, if they think losing his last son will stop the king. I believe I have discovered where their headquarters are and I need you to deliver a message for me.”

“You wish to send a message to the people who want you dead, and you want me to deliver it?”

“Yes. Does that frighten you?” He pursed his lips, attempting to suppress a small smile.

“Of course not. I just don’t understand what you hope to accomplish.”

“If you prove faithful to me, I will try to explain it all. But not yet. If they question you, it would be better if you can honestly say you don’t know why I sent you. I will give you the message on parchment, closed with my official seal.”

I contemplated him silently for a moment. He couldn’t know that Tanoori had already told me about this group, that she’d tried to convince me to finish the job for her. Now here Prince Damian was, asking me to go to them on his behalf. “Where is it I’m supposed to go?”

“I will procure a small map for you with exact directions. It’s a network of caves about half a day’s travel from here to the northeast. It’s a place they call the Heart of the Rivers because three different rivers all converge near the entrance to their lair.”

“You wish me to go alone into the jungle?”

Damian cocked his head slightly to the side, appraising me. “You are afraid. But that’s a good thing,” he continued when I tried to protest. “People who are too cocky in the jungle end up dead.” He tapped one slender finger against his lips. “Is there anyone else on the guard whom you trust without reservation? Someone you could take with you who wouldn’t ask questions? You couldn’t tell him about this” — he gestured between us — “or the letters or anything else.”

Rylan immediately came to mind. “There is someone whom I trust as though he were my brother. But what would I say?”

“You may tell him that I demanded you deliver a message for me. That you don’t know who the people are or why or what the message is, only that I said you had to do it. Everyone believes me to be a petulant, spoiled prince who forces others to bend to his will, even if it’s some crazy whim. He’ll easily believe it.”

I looked at Damian, surprised to feel a reluctant new respect, even regret, for the life he lived. He spoke of others’ opinions of him without self-pity, his tone matter-of-fact. But though his voice and expression were devoid of emotion, his eyes held unhappiness when they met mine.

He must feel so alone . I’d never thought someone who had servants and guards at his beck and call, parties every night, and women throwing themselves at him all the time could be lonely.

“Rylan won’t ask questions,” I said quickly, to cover my confusion. “And I would feel better if he came with me.”

“Then you have my permission to ask him.” Damian looked away, and the window into who he really was snapped shut.

“But what about the king’s orders that someone be with you at all times — and Captain D’agnen’s order for me to guard your room at night?”

“If you leave at first light, you should be able to make it there and back by nightfall. I will tell the captain that I ordered you and Rylan to go.”

I didn’t like it. Even if I was back by night, that left an entire day with me gone, and Deron didn’t know about Eljin yet. I didn’t like leaving Prince Damian here without anyone knowing that a sorcerer might be in the palace. Especially now that I knew a sorcerer had killed Damian’s brother. What if Eljin was here for the same reason?

But if so, why wait? And why fight for a position on the personal guard, letting everyone find out who he was first?

“Alex, can you do this for me?”

I only hesitated for a moment. “Yes. Of course.”

“There’s one more thing. Are you familiar with bloodroot?”

“The plant?”

Damian nodded.

“I know what it looks like. There was a patch of it that grew by my old home. Why?”

“I need you to collect some while you are in the jungle.”

“Don’t you have servants for that kind of thing?” I immediately snapped my mouth shut, shocked at myself for speaking so boldly. But Damian just lifted one eyebrow.