James Islington - The Shadow Of What Was Lost

“It is,” said Malshash dryly. He nodded in approval though. “There’s only one other thing you failed to mention, though it’s rarely spoken of in texts so I can hardly blame you for omitting it. Kan, in its natural state, absorbs Essence because the two were never designed to coexist. They can be used together – with training – but they are by no means complementary.”

“They were never meant to coexist?” repeated Davian.

Malshash waved away the query. “A story for another time. For now, all you need to know is that when learning to use the two combined, you must understand the quirks of each. Knowledge of one in no way imparts knowledge of the other.”

“That probably won’t be an issue, anyway,” muttered Davian, meaning the comment to be to himself.

Malshash gave him a puzzled look. “What do you mean?”

Davian stared at the floor, embarrassed. “I… struggle, when it comes to using Essence. I’ve never been able to even access my Reserve.”

Malshash frowned. “Of course you can use Essence,” he said slowly. “I’ve seen you do it.”

Davian frowned back. “When?”

“After coming through the rift.” Malshash scratched his head. “Your body was nearly wasted away when you appeared on the Jha’vett. You regenerated in seconds, though. You actually glowed , you were using so much Essence.”

Davian shrugged. “I’ve been trying for years with no success,” he admitted.

Malshash’s frown deepened. “Stand still,” he instructed. He came and stood in front of Davian, putting his hand against his forehead. A wash of energy flooded through Davian’s body, startling him. He flinched backwards to see Malshash looking at him in shock.

“What is it?” asked Davian.

Malshash just stared at him through narrowed eyes. “Of course,” he muttered, almost to himself. “It makes sense. I should have seen it earlier.” He laughed. “I should have felt it earlier. But it’s very subtle. Unnoticeable unless you’re looking for it.”

Davian scowled. “What are you talking about?”

Malshash thought for a moment. “Do you know why no-one else has ever used the rift to pass through time, as you did?”

Davian shook his head mutely.

“It is because no living thing can pass through it and survive,” said Malshash. “The energies of the other realm are pure kan; they are drawn to Essence, and when they find it, they tear its source apart. Obliterate it.” He paused. “You don’t have a Reserve, Davian – in itself, not so unusual for an Augur. Beyond that, though, your body generates no Essence. Not just no excess. None at all .”

Davian shook his head. “That makes no sense. Everything living needs Essence.”

Malshash gave a delighted laugh. “That’s the trick, Davian! You’re using kan to get it. You draw it in from around you – any source you can find. The body does not need much, truth be told.” He shook his head. “I thought it was a miracle you’d picked up how to use kan so quickly, making it through the rift as you did. This is why. You’ve been using it unconsciously since the day you… well, since you died.”

Davian paled. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s very simple.” Malshash sat in a chair, gesturing for Davian to do the same. “At some point in your life, you died. I don’t know when – probably very young though, earlier than you’d be able to even remember. So your ability to produce Essence failed. But somehow, your instincts kicked in, and you began drawing Essence from around you using kan instead.” He shrugged. “You must have been doing it ever since. Stealing a little from here, a little from there. Sometimes from people, sometimes from your environment. If you were raised around the Gifted, it would have been too easy.”

Davian felt a chill run through him. “You mean… I’m dead ?”

“No, no.” Malshash gestured impatiently. Then he hesitated. “Well… yes. In a way. You are just as alive as anyone else. Your heart still beats, your blood pumps, you need food and sleep. But… differently, I suppose. I meant that at some point, your body expired. Perhaps it was only for a few seconds, perhaps it was minutes – I don’t know how long it takes for a Source to flicker out completely. But now for your body to function as it should, you need to draw your Essence from external sources.”

Davian shook his head, dazed. “What does that mean?” He ran his hands through his hair. “I think I understand what you’re saying, but… what are the implications?”

Malshash shrugged. “Nothing to be worried about, I would think. You do it instinctively, like breathing, so you shouldn’t be in any danger - and as far as I can tell you don’t draw enough to put anyone around you in harm’s way. So long as you don’t lose your ability to use kan, you’re no different from anyone else.”

Davian was silent. He had died ? He thought back to the day he’d been branded with his Mark, the day he’d woken up in the school unable to move from his injuries. Had that been when it had happened? Thinking about it – that somehow in the past he had actually died – made him twist inside.

“I can’t say I’m entirely comfortable with the concept, nonetheless,” he admitted in a shaky voice.

Malshash nodded. “I understand. But it saved your life. You couldn’t have survived the rift otherwise.” He grinned at the irony. “It was meant to be, Davian. You have this power for a reason. And the good news is, your body is well adapted to kan. Which means we can take a few… shortcuts. You’ll be home in no time.”

Davian brightened at the prospect. “When do we start?”

Malshash clapped him on the back. “We’ll begin this afternoon. For now, though, we should get some food. I haven’t eaten today.”

Davian nodded, caught between dismay at the news he’d been told, and the hope that he would soon be returning to his own time.

He followed Malshash silently, lost in thought.

Davian cleared his mind, trying to sense kan.

It was only a few moments before he could feel it. It was less something physical, and more an absence. Like a shadow rather than light.

“Good,” murmured Malshash. Davian ignored the comment. This was the easy part.

They had been practicing for a couple of hours now. It was a frustrating process, though Malshash appeared unfazed by Davian’s lack of progress. If anything, the mysterious man seemed encouraged by how quickly Davian was able to sense kan, and even to an extent control it.

“Now,” said Malshash, “ I’ve walled off most of my mind, but left a specific memory open for you to see. My memory will become yours, though you will be able to see it as distinct from your own. All you need to do is use kan to will yourself inside my mind, to connect to me.”

“Is that all,” said Davian through gritted teeth, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead. Kan was stubborn and slippery; using it for even a few seconds was like grasping at shadows. What was worse, the process to enter another’s mind was delicate; it required a deft touch and more mental concentration than Davian would have previously believed possible. Malshash said kan was more difficult to wield than Essence, and Davian believed him. If Essence had been this difficult to control, the number of Gifted able to use it effectively would be far smaller.

Still, this time he managed to keep it in his mind, keep his focus sharp as he reached out tentatively towards Malshash. He felt himself push through the kan, using it to make his will a reality.

He mentally reached Malshash and felt a barrier, something stopping him. He pushed again.